Can you believe what's in my mouth right now? Can you guess, at least?

A) A quart of cunny juice tenderly milked from Mrs. Claus
B) Ten lbs. of shit in a five lb. bag
C) A big plate of chili-cheese Thomas Fries and a tallboy of spooch
D) Snails on nails
E) lola's dissertation, repurposed as the food-caked, spit-splattered bib regularly worn at mealtimes by this surprised looking turd
F) The big, fat cock belonging to the model for Star Jones' gold-plated dildo


Hey! Guess What!

Amazingly enough, there's something in my mouth right now, on VETERAN'S DAY! Holy shit! Any idea what it is?

A) The bitten-off reservoir tip of a used condom
B) Tony Blair's man-meat, after it was slipped in and out of Linda Blair's pussy during The Exorcist
C) The words "I CAN. I CAN. I CAN."
D) A tube of Crest Whitening Expressions Toothpaste, Lemon Ice flavor, with the tt-t-tt-too-ooo-oo-oooth pp-ppp-p-p-p-p-pppp-pp-pa-a-a-st-st-ste squeezed out and replaced with cold, loose ferret shit
E) A raging case of trench mouth from having used the "toothpaste" in answer D)
F) A vague feeling of uneasy disappointment that the "toothpaste" didn't taste like lemons and definitely didn't whiten my teeth
G) Kevin Federline's big, fat, hem-uh-ruh-ruh-roid-searing cock

You Won't BELIEVE What's in My Mouth Right Now!

I mean... WOW! I could tell you, but you wouldn't... you just WOULDN'T believe it! Go on... guess! I dare you! Because, NEVER, in a million years, would you guess what's in my mouth right now. I mean, wow!

A) Condoleeza Rice, making a surprise visit into my mouth for Veterans Day.
B) President Bush, making a surprise visit into my mouth for Thanksgiving.
C) Donald Rumsfeld, making a surprise visit into my mouth just for the hell of it.
D) A glass of Chappaquiddick water with Mary Jo Kopecne's tooth in it.
E) Muh-muh-muh-ham-ham-ham-ad-ad A-a-a-a-llll-li's Meh-meh-meh-dddd-dal o-o-o-o-of-f-f-f-f F-f-f-f-f-f-fffff-f-f-fff-fffffffff-f-free-ree-ree-ree-ree-duh-duh-dom.
F) A big fat cock, making a not-so-surprising visit into my mouth for Veterans Day.

Happy Veteran's Day!

Today is Veteran's Day, where we celebrate the veterans who have served their country. A little-known fact is that my mouth created this holiday at the end of WWI when it was called Armistice Day, so what you're really celebrating is my mouth and its capacious majesty! Hooray! What's in there helping with the celebration?

A) A MAGNIFICENT ART DECO 18 CARAT WHITE GOLD EMERALD & BAGUETTE DIAMOND RING, covered with dingleberries and recently recovered from the anus of Cherie Booth
B) Meteorological science
C) A quart of hot mayonnaise, left in the summer sun for a week
D) Britney Spears's pan-seared hem-uh-ruh-ruh-roids
E) You. Yes, YOU
F) Napoleon's big, fat cock with a tooth embedded in it


Zeroing in on My Mouth

0! That's it... stay with me here. Okay? Good. Now, I'm going to ask again. This time, have complete confidence in yourself, trust yourself that you can do it. It's not that hard and I have every confidence in the world that you can do it. Say it with me, okay? I CAN. I CAN. I CAN.

Good. Focus, now. Focus. Here we go.

Here's the question. Ready? Here it is: Can you guess what's in my mouth right now?

A) A Dixie cup full of watery kitten diarrhea after the kitten drank too much milk.
B) Moldy strawberries.
C) Star Jones' gold plated dildo after her husband has been away for the week.
D) The collected snatch dandruff of every shrill harpy on The View.
E) Credit where credit is due.
F) Tony Blair's breast milk.
G) Linda Blair's crucifix, after it was slipped in and out of her pussy during The Exorcist.
H) Clint Howard's incredibly ugly penis.

Don't Go off Topic!

Remember, everyone: what's in my mouth, right now, is absolutely paramount. Nothing else matters. We will stay on point at all costs. With that said, here's your assignment: guess what's in my mouth right now. Ready...go!

A) A big slice of rum cake, except that the actual rum in the cake has been replaced with the liquor known as spooch
B) Mushrooms grown on the crack of a dead man's dingus
C) The vaginally-vomited remains of Helen Thomas's freedom fries used as a moist topping for that incredibly disgusting casserole
D) The basal thermometer used to determine when the Thomas Fries were done "cooking"
E) Prairie dogs
F) A dead man's dingus, sans mushrooms

Mouth My Thursday, Part Tooth

We're getting away from what we've come here for, folks. It's ALL about what's in my mouth right now. Get on target and focus, people, FOCUS.

Now... what have I got, in my mouth, right now?

A) Freedom Fries, mushed up in the nether-regions of Helen Thomas.
B) The punchline to the joke, "Now come over here and suck momma's dick."
C) Spooch, made from letting spooge sit so long in the mouth that it ferments, creating a "hooch" like alcohol.
D) The National Rotunda.
E) Halle Berry's dingleberries.
F) Shar Jackson's mammary glands.
G) The butch side of a lipstick lesbian.
H) The big, fat cock of a lipstick transexual.

Iiiiiiiiiit's THURSDAY!

Which means that we're all going to have a cocksuckity good time in my mouth! What, pray tell, is in there right now?

A) A green bean and mucus casserole
B) The adorable little ass hairs clinging to Abner Louima's "cocoa plunger"
C) A warm slice of apple pie with a big scoop of French vanilla ice cream on top
D) A warm slice of apple pie with a big scoop of French vanilla ice cream on top next to a steaming mug of hot, wine-laced diarrhea excreted from a dying homeless man
E) The instant revulsion any decent person would feel after reading selection D)
F) The remaining stub of Harriet Miers' tube of Chap-Stick
G) A warm slice of big, fat cock


Of Course, EVERYONE'S a Winner IN MY MOUTH!

Just being in my mouth is a prize in and of itself. If you're in there, what are you keeping company with?

A) The splintery, shit-stained business end of Abner Louima's plunger
B) Helen Thomas's pink parts
C) Thomas's English muffins
D) lola's English muff
E) A small, warm puddle of cocoa spilled by a careless child
F) A large, cold cock

... and the winner is...

My Mouth! Once again, my mouth wins! Yaaaaay! Look inside, Dick, to see what prizes are in store for MY MOUTH!

A) Urine, because it's relatively healthier than feces.
B) Miracle Gro.
C) Fake glue.
D) The dusty, gray pubes of Ulysees S. Grant.
E) A plaster-caster replica of Jimi Hendrix's cock, taken just before he drowned in his own vomit.
F) A plaster-caster replica of a big, fat kitten cock.

I Have Declared Today a Holiday...

The holiday where I put things in my mouth! It's better than Christmas! What may be in there right now, I wonder...

A) Campbell's Cat Shit and Noodle Soup
B) Edward's cheque, repurposed as a wad of faux chewing tobacco
C) Silvio Berlusconi's body fat
D) Chunky peanut butter
E) Yog-Sothoth
F) A tiny little cat penis (caution --extremely cute picture)


Sloppy a la Modes with All the Dental Fixin's, Coming Up!

Woo doggies. While the "cunt"ry waits with masturbated breath, I'm too busy to care because I'm stuffing stuff in like there's no tomorrow.

If you guess what's in my mouth right now, I promise to swallow:

A) Page One of the Newlyweds Manual (2005), where it says "Early on in the relationship, it is important for the man to establish that flatulence is a part of the fabric and rhythm of daily household life. Denial will just make things worse."
B) A squirt of Febreeze.
C) Grimace's Purply Protein Shake and a Mcdonald's Hamburger.
D) Maple syrup, to drown the taste of that incredibly awful omelet.
E) Steele. Dick Steele.
F) A big, fat, patrimonial, hegemonic cock.

I have DISCHARGED My Civic Duty...

But you still have a duty to guess what's in my mouth right now!

A) A Listerine and urine multitask spectacular-flavored milkshake, served with a side order of dried otter penises
B) A half-finished ketchup and mustard homeless hoagie feast, made all the more special because of the relative lack of cockroach shit in it
C) A welcoming smile of friendship for all
D) Michael Moore's smegma, battered and deep fried like funnel cake
E) Discharge
F) The peanut-sized cock belonging to the individual in answer B)

Erection Day! Election Day! Mouth Day!

If you've fulfilled your civic doody like I HAVE, then you can guess what election day follies are last-minute campaigning in my mouth:

A) The old, wrinkled fun-bags of the election ladies who checked my voter registration.
B) The acorn sized nuts of the guy who directed me into the booth.
C) The plunger from the Haitian Love Treatment I received once I was in the booth and facing my electoral choices.
D) The tissues I used to wipe myself off with afterwards.
E) The vague recollection that I've been given the Haitian Love Treatment by a dispassionate, under-representative local democracy,
F) A big, fat cock the size of sweet home Alabama.


Terrible Toothsday

Good morning! Guess what's in my mouth right now!

A) The individual who ate the peach out of this mouth
B) A raw duck's liver served on a bed of loose scrambled eggs
C) An anorectal fistula (caution-- extremely scrumptious picture)
D) A chocolate torte with creme fraiche
E) A big, fat cock belonging to the love of lola's life


Another Late Night, Another Chance to Stuff Crap in My Mouth!

Workin' hard or hardly workin', huh, fuckface? Well, if you're in the office well past quittin' time, guess YOU better guess what's in my mouth:

A) Your mystery date for the evening... THIS surprised looking turd!

B) A half a fucking pecan pie.
C) The children's menu at Bob's Big Boy.
D) The giggles.
E) Chikin' McFlunkets.
F) Cock a la mode.

Better grab a spoon, jerk-off, 'cause your goin' in deep tonite!

My Mouth Is Still Going Strong!

I can't wait until Thanksgiving, when I can cram all manner of great things into my mouth: Indians, cornbread, uncooked turkey giblets, a quart of country gravy, etc. Seeing as it's a few weeks away, I still have to find something to put in my mouth. What wonderful thing have I placed in there now?

A) Llama spit
B) A butter and dogshit omelette
C) Huge, yellow chunks of pulpy ass cheese
D) Amazon.com
E) A peach pit (the individual who ate the peach will be revealed in a future edition of GWiMMRN)
F) The disease-ridden saliva covering the horribly misshapen teeth of the person depicted here (caution --extremely delicious picture)
G) A rice krispies treat
H) A big, fat cock (the individual to whom this cock belongs may be revealed in a future edition of GWiMMRN)

Sis-boom-bah! GWiMMRN, Rah Rah Rah!

In honor of the birthday of Albert Camus on this day in 1913, I have placed a World War I era disease in my capacious maw. Guess which disease is in my mouth right now!

A) Hoof & Mouth
B) Diarrhea (cha-cha-cha).
C) Influenza.
D) Trench Mouth (caution-- extremely disturbing picture).
E) British tooth hygiene (caution-- extremely disturbing picture).
F) The hem-uh-ruh-ruh-roids.
G) Trench warfare.
H) Trench cock.

Quick! Before this disease catches on!

Monday, Monday, Dah Dah, Dah-Dah-Dah-Dah, IN MY MOUTH, Dah Dah...

A happy Monday to all on this first, most glorious day of the week! You are to be congratulated, because you will have the opportunity to guess what's in my mouth right now!

A) Harriet Miers's red, chapped anus, dripping purplicious spooge after having been ass-fucked by a randy Grimace on the prowl
B) A Cadbury CRÈME EGG with the CRÈME sucked out and spat back in by Phyllis Diller
C) Sigmund Freud's Id, which secretly controls this blog
D) A tube of Chap-Stick recently used by Harriet Miers as a consequence of experiencing A)
E) Edward's cheque, found next to a dumpster after its repurposing
F) Willy Wonka's big, fat cocka


Welcome to My 67th Relentless Mouthable

Yes! It's time for a holiday! For the 67th time, I have something in my mouth! It's also football Sunday, and in honor of that, too, I've got something in my mouth! So much to celebrate! Now, what's in there?

A) Pigskin.
B) Fibres.
C) A box full of purply, disgusting Hostess Wonka Cakes.

D) Charles Nelson Reilly's purplicious creamy starfish.
E) The alternate ending to that dog-turd of a movie "The Interpreter."
F) Sean Penn's sanctimonious bullshite.
G) A big, fat cock, with Nicole Kidman's spit still on it.

UPDATE! I have data for answer H) Grimace's (the McDonaldLand character) Purply Protein Shake!

Click here 8----->

Note that its at the top of the food pyramid! It's also got a 2.0 on the Fullness Factor!

"In Simple Terms

The Good
This food is very low in Sodium. It is also a very good source of Protein and Phosphorus.

The Bad
This food is high in Saturated Fat, and very high in Cholesterol."

I think it really depends on what Grimace ate that day.

GWiMMRN, Extra-Special Sunday Edition

It's Sunday at GWiMMRN, which means, of course, that there's something in my mouth. A wonderful prize awaits the lucky individual who correctly guesses what it is!

A) A set of ivory anal beads plucked lovingly from Charles Nelson Reilly's starfish, each one inscribed with a verse from the Sermon on the Mount
B) The adorable little ass hairs caught in between a few of the aforementioned beads
C) A very swishy militant Islamist in a bubble-gum pink kaffiyeh prancing about and twittering, "Allahu Akbar!"
D) Crumbs
E) Religious tolerance
F) A big, fat kufr kock