GWiMMRN, Saturday Failed Ice Cream Flavors Edition

I've noticed a higher level of FOCUS in the past five minutes, so it's time to make things a little more difficult to challenge your skills. I have a failed ice cream flavor in my mouth.

Can you guess what it is?

A) Cat Shit Praline
B) Trout Ripple
C) Penisgobbler De-lite (Low fat, low sugar, high saline content)
D) Scab Chocolate Chip
E) Rectal Polyp Swirl
F) Chocolate Chip Cookie Batter with Bleeding Anus Chunks
G) Turkey Surprise
H) Golden Sherbert
I) Butter Pecan Big, Fat Cock Fluff


Here's the 411: FOCUS

This is the 411th post. I've been diligent, giving you daily, sometimes hourly updates of what I'm putting in my mouth. And yet, you don't know how to focus. You seem to think that the comments section is your personal playground where you're free to talk about anything you want.

GROW UP. For goodness sakes, grow up. Comments are for discussion of what is in MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW. Your job is to GUESS WHAT'S IN THERE RIGHT NOW. I don't care about anything else and neither should you.

GWiMMRN, and really focus this time:

A) My real-life irrational fear that if I flush the toilet while I'm sitting on it, my balls will be sucked down the hole.
B) Madison Michele , ungh. Ungh. Ungh.
C) Schubert.
D) Flaubert.
E) Ebert.
F) A really nice surprise waiting for you at home.
G) Those footsteps that you fear.
H) That big, fat cock that you love.


GWiMMRN, Thursday FOCUS Edition

There are times when I have considered deleting this website, as the lack of FOCUSING has become simply too big a problem to ignore. FOCUS on MY MOUTH. FOCUS, you soggy, rotted french fry sandwiches. FOCUS, you polyp-tonguing smegmoids. FO-CUS. It's a two-syllable word. You have your FO. And you have your CUS. FO. CUS. You can do it. Say it with me: I CAN. I CAN. I CAN.


A) Fruit salad with marshmallow fluff, nuts, and a teensy-weensy bit of apricot nectar
B) The nine of clubs
C) The bags under the eyes of the white, tattooed Customer Service Rep, who despite having been an "exotic dancer" in her previous career, has not yet offered to give me a lap dance, let alone a throat-bruising blowjob
D) The Robben Island lighthouse, before it was repurposed as Queen Kong's dildo on a lonely night
E) The adorable little ass hairs near Faye Dunaway's chocolate starfish, artfully woven into tiny cornrows to give that "ribbed" feeling to my ding-dong
F) Normalcy
G) A big, fat cream-filled cock (Long John)

GWiMMRN, Donuts... or Africa? Edition

What'll it be? Donuts... or Africa?


A) Donuts.
B) Africa.
C) Donuts.
D) Africa.
E) Donuts.
F) Africa.
G) A big, fat donut shaped cock.
H) A big, fat African cock.



My mouth is pretty damn cool, don't you think?


A) An eager tongue searching for "rectal polyps"
B) The turkey burgers I made on Sunday night that included way too much spicy pepper sauce, so my STOOOOOOOLS have been hot enough to boil water
C) Way too many penis, anus, and feces jokes
D) Onion rings with an onion anus in the center
E) A salesperson who just won't leave me alone
F) The pathos-filled query of, "Care to respond?"
G) Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb
H) The pathos-filled exclamation of, "Ohhhhhh, boy."
I) A big, fat cock


Who Wrote the Book of Love? MY MOUTH

Take it or leave it. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out. My way or the highway.

"Suck it or grow up. It's your choice."


A) A crushingly beautiful sense of self-importance.
B) Those creepy Milky Way commercials. You know what I'm talking about. Where the guy gets rejected then fantasizes about some tiny, albeit buxom woman in his Milky Way bar, and then he bites her head off.
C) Gardenburgers!
D) Starblazers!
E) A janitor's intemperate question.
F) Glue.
G) A big, fat cock.

UPDATE: The answer IS NOT H) The morning dew.


Victory Is Served!

Hail to the Chief, baby.


A) A foofy little artsy-fartsy thing.
B) Poppy seeds which, when mixed with spooch, creates a quite intoxicating opiate.
C) Low riding hip huggers.
D) Disaronno, on the rocks, with a dash of male ejaculate... it's originale.
E) Taylor Hicks's dusky grey pubes.
F) Pay-per-view-pussy.
H) A big, fat cock.


Welcome to "Suck It" Sundays

If it's Sunday, you have to "suck it."


A) Those little cucumber eye patches.
B) Vagisil Anti-Itch Wipes, re-purposed as Ball Wipes, 'cause I figured if it works on women, it should work on men, too.
C) The collected brain matter from those retards on the Daily 10.
D) Chilly Willy's willy.
E) A sneek-peek at the 2006 summer movie season.
F) The exclamation, "You sneeky bastard!"
G) A big, fat cock-o-vin.