Guess What's in My Mouth Right Now: 2005-10-02

10/7/05

Guess What's in My Mouth Right Now, Late Friday Afternoon Edition

Guess what's in my mouth right now:

A) 7of9's Tuna Taco.
B) Johannes Vermeer's Master of Light Wall Calendar 2004.
C) Jizz mop sponge sludge.
D) My cutsey wootsey itty bitty wittle kitten Fwuffy da Gweat! I wove him soooo much!
E) A big, fat cock.

OOPS!

Oops!

Now I have to put something ELSE in my mouth... Can you guess what it is?

Guess What's in My Mouth Right Now, Day Four

Guess what's in my mouth right now:

A) The tears of a clown.
B) A bureaucratic shit sandwich, served between request forms A457-T and J1s-M.
C) Vintage IG-88 Star Wars Action Figure.
D) Nose hairs, surprisingly.
E) The Beverly Hillbillies on DVD, Season 3.
F) A bottle of Janice Dickinson's favourite brand of anal lube.
G) A big, fat cock.

10/6/05

This Just In!

I just put something in my mouth! What is it?

Two hints:
It's not testosterone-laced saliva.

It's not a big, fat cock. This time.

Guess What's in My Mouth Right Now, Day Three

Guess what's in my mouth right now?

A) The tiny nipple hairs of a waifish yet hirsute Armenian woman.
B) A Colecovision joystick.
C) A blueberry poptart.
D) Acid reflux from watching Michael Rappaport's awful sitcom, "The War at Home."
E) Erika Badu's afro pick.
F) Martha Stewart's foot up to her house-arrest ankle bracelet.
G) A big, fat cock.

10/5/05

Guess What's in My Mouth Right Now, Late Afternoon on Day Two

Guess what's in my mouth right now?

A) Sharon Osbournes' bulemic leavings
B) A truffle
C) My tongue, covered in spit
D) The Man From J.I.S.M.
E) Truman Capote's long lost first novel, conveniently found when a big-budget bio-pic about him is coming out this month
F) The Diary of Anne Frank
G) A big, fat cock

Guess What's in My Mouth Right Now, Day Two

Nobody correctly guessed Day One. We're onto Day Two.

A) Papillae
B) A Care Bear
C) La Shawn Barber
D) The sweat-brindled taint of Christina Aguilera
E) Part of a rotten cucumber sandwich
F) A big, fat cock

10/4/05

Whoops!

Not in my mouth any more.

Sorry. The quiz is still open, though.

Guess What's in My Mouth Right Now, Day One

Make Your Selection:

A) My tongue
B) A few rotten teeth
C) Some chewing gum
D) Some chewing gum found under a junior high school desk
E) Several fragments of a Burger King Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch sandwich
F) A big, fat cock

About Me

Name: My Mouth

Location: Below the Nose, Above the Chin, Afghanistan

I'm into cooking. Here's my recipe for Hot Dog Cake: 12 Hot dogs, thoroughly boiled. 1 lb. sugar. 14 Hand-made hot dog buns. 2 gallons of store-brand mustard. Mix half the sugar and all of the hot dogs together in a large mixing bowl. Beat off regularly until creamy. Then, for the icing, mix the mustard and the rest of the sugar until spoon can stand up straight in the bowl. Bake the hot dog mixture at 375 degrees F for 45 minutes. Place on a big rack. Let it cool until all the juices run down the big rack. Slather the "icing" on the cake. Make oblong slices of cake and place into the hand made hot dog buns. Eat. Puke. Repeat.

Statements of Approval

"It's like the Drudge Report for mouths!" --Professor M. Balls

"This website is relentless." --Anonymous

"Grimace is everywhere hamburgers are made, slopping on his purply gunk where you least expect it." --Anonymous

"yay, man-custard." --lola

"Sss-ssss-stuh-stuh-stuh-sstop muh-mmm-muhhh-mak-making fuh-fuh-ffff-fun uh-uh-uh-of mmm-muh-mee. Y-yyy-yoou duh-duh-duhh-dick." --Muh-muh-muh-ham-ham-ham-ad-ad A-a-a-a-llll-li

"I demand to be reunited with my penis! This is an OUTRAGE!" --Chaff, the Bouncy Foreskin

"tweet tweet tweet" --All the little birdies eating the big pieces in your vomit

"I am .....relieved ...that you are capable of ....various levels of communication. Impressive communication." --Michele ungh ungh ungh

"If you think my SMILE is wrinkly, you should see my TWAT! Have you seen it? It's like Wrinkle City down there! TOUCHDOWN!!" --Kate Capshaw

"*blorp* Shark! Shark!" --Gormless-looking Asian broad

"My sphincter and colon are HEROES and will receive a Brown Star for their efforts." --My Mouth

"Four score and seven what the hell is this on my FACE!?!" --"Honest Abe" Lincoln

"FLAPFLAPFLAPFLAPFLAP FLAPFLAPFLAPFUCKYOUFLAP FLAPFLAPFLAPFLAP." --FlapFlapFlap

"STOP IT STOP IT I PREFER BUTTERSCOTCH ICE CREAM STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT" --Sheppy

"I GOT YOUR LATE FEES RIGHT HEEEERRRE!!" *sppppuurrrtttt!* "BWAH HAH HA HAH HA HA HAAAA!" --Guy with His Dick in the Video Return Slot

"Grow up." ... "Oh yeah. I forgot to add: go suck a dick. Sorry for leaving that out."--Deroy Murdock

"I've seen ugly cunts in my time, but yours takes the CAKE, lady! Holy fuck! If I look at it any longer I'll turn to stone! It's like the Holocaust in there! Aaaaaaa!! I think I can help you." --Dr. Alter to a Potential Labia Majora Remodeling Patient

"My ass crack demands an explanation for this heinous attack on my spongy person." *fffrrrpppttt* "Yes. I know. I'm dead and I'm farting. Big Deal. Get over it. GROW UP." --Dead Guy

"I'm kind of disappointed that cats don't like to eat dog shit. The lack of reciprocity there is pretty hurtful, you know?" --A. Dog

"I don't think you should share any of that delisious watermellon bubilisious (sic) with any of your friends. I really feel that way." --Anonymous

"It's okay, Mr. Costner, it happens- hey! What are you doing? Let go of your penis RIGHT NOW! You stop tugging on it THIS MINUTE! Oh! Oh, LORD. Look at that MESS. :)..." --Horrified Masseuse

"I think it was the blood in the ejaculate that crossed the line... I take that back. It was the 6 dollar chili cheese burger that did it. It's indescribably awful looking. It really does look like loose poop with some mustard on it." --Anonymous

"I will show you [the foam rubber universe where no one ever gets hurt], but you have to suck the butterscotch ice cream out of my dick first. Think of it like it's communion. But with pubic hair." --Jesus

"Is this what the website has become? A depository of the most disgusting pictures you can find? My goodness. What the hell is wrong with you. I TOLD you I didn't want to see that picture, like a thousand times. Now, I'm going to the grave with a picture of some nutjob's horribly inflated scrotum in my brain. I'll never get into heaven now. NEVER." --Professor M. Balls

"It is obvious to anyone who isn't a shriveled horse testicle that if they receive a letter signed by me, there is no need for me to also write in the manner of my unfortunate speech impediment." --Barbara Walters

"By the way, you weren't invited to the party precisely because you're the sort of person who would eat a chocolate cake out of a bushbuck's stinky pussy after I'd fucked it. The cake, not the bushbuck. I hope I've made myself clear. No offense." --Anonymous

"COME ON FOLKS. I DIED FOR YOUR SINS. THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS DIG INTO YOUR POCKETS AND POCKETBOOKS AND SEE IF YOU CAN BREAK A FIVE DOLLAR BILL FOR ME. THANKS. THANKS FOR NOTHING. I GUARANTEE THAT IF I HAD TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN, I WOULDN'T PISS ON YOU IF YOU WERE ON FIRE. DICKWEASELS." --Jesus Christ Almighty

Guess What's in My Mouth Right Now