GWiMMRN, Do Not Go Gently into That Good Night Edition

RAGE! Rage against the dying of the light!

But before you do that, guess what's in my mouth right now:

A) Robert Frost's erectile dysfunction, which led to his untimely death at age 114.
B) Robert Frost's horse, who not only thought it "queer" that they stopped in the woods in the middle of a snowy night, but also that Robert Frost was a flamboyant homosexual.
C) The little fantasy land that I have retreated into for the past few weeks.
D) Time, which has no meaning here.
E) Swords and sorcerers and elves and witches and mermaids and unicorns and a dozen inflatable fuck dolls.
F) More pain than you can shake a stick at.
G) A big, fat 499th cock.

GWiMMRN, John Has a Long Mustache Edition

All of you in the occupied territories: listen up. Put down the Campbell's Hotgag and pick up your keyboards, because it's time to GWiMMRN:

A) A great deal of uncalled-for hostility, wrapped in a sickening package
B) The sad fact that Larry "Bud" Melman wasn't the least bit amusing until this website began to make horrible mock of him
C) The yellowish coating scraped off of that guy's tongue over there, sort of mustard-colored and grainy
D) A blast from the past: everything but the walnut-sized testicles of Miles, the Cat with Testicles the Size of Walnuts
E) The Song of Solomon, sung to that faggot tranny who hangs out by the train station and blows strangers for bus tokens
F) A man's thigh bearing the unmistakable red scrape of a 5 o'clock-shadowed cheek upon it
G) A zipper with little bits of torn cock-flesh and driblets of blood caught in the teeth
H) A big, fat, scarred cock

GWiMMRN, Shit for the Shit-Asses Edition

Yes, I'm re-using an old joke. Don't like it?

FUCK YOU.

Okay? FUCK YOU.

FUCK YOU.

Just shut the fuck up already and guess what's in my fucking mouth right now, you little fucking ASSHOLES.

A) Hotgag, which is a new soup from Campbell's
B) The secret recipe for Hotgag, which I'm not at liberty to describe, but can tell you includes a gone-over tuna casserole; an ounce of brine shrimp testes; and Larry "Bud" Melman's thick, glutinous semen
C) A feather duster
D) A French Maid (ohhhhh *spppppurrrrtttt!!*)
E) ungh ungh ungh WHATSTHEMATTERWITHME *sssssspprrrtttt*
F) don'tlookatthisoneshesallmine ohhh *sppurrtt!!!!!*
G) A penis-flavored cupcake
H) An occipital lobe
I) A big, fat cockeroooooooooooooo

GWiMMRN, Closing in on the 500th Post Edition

We're Manheim Steamrolling right towards a X-Massy oblivion. What stands in the way between you and certain doom at the claws of enraged gerbils?

My Mouth and Guessing What's in My Mouth Right Now, of course!

So, knuckle up to the bar you wet-behind-the-ears primates and GWiMMRN:

A) 500 unread "Left Behind" books sitting on a shelf in the Plains, Iowa Wal-Mart.
B) 499 suck-asses all cheering for the same sports team.
C) 498 chipmunks writhing in agony.
D) 497 lb weight currently tied to my enormous testicles.
E) A big, fat cock.

UPDATE:

GWiMMRN, Leave It to Beaver Edition

Not really.

GWiMMRN:

A) The "Beave."
B) The Islamo-Fascist Jihad I left in the toilet yesterday around 12:45 p.m.
C) A way too long fart deposited at a fancy dinner party.
D) "Well, according to the New Yorker, Sy Hersh says that Iran is" *frrrrpppPPRRRRpptptptpt!* "o boy."
E) The last square of toilet paper in all of Asia.
F) A see-through slicker.
G) A totally transparent big fat cock.