TGIGWiMMRNF!

You know what it means!

A) Penis seeking robots.
B) Dr. Zachary Smith! and his obsession with the Robot.
C) An unhealthy obsession about washing my balls 15 times a day.
D) That I'm at work, and no one likes to see me wash my balls in the public bathroom, not just once, but about 10 times during working hours.
E) A BIG FAT COCK.
F) A BIG FAT COCK.
G) A BIG FAT PENIS SEEKING ROBOT AND HIS BIG FAT COCK.

GWiMMRN, Friday Fuck All Y'all Edition

Of course, I don't really mean that. I love everyone. Well, not EVERYONE. Everyone that FOCUSES on my mouth and its potential contents. That's worth living for, isn't it? Remember: hap-penis is in my mouth. The other way takes you to unhap-penis and hem-uh-ruh-ruh-roids, and nobody wants them. GWiMMRN:

A) The business trip I'm taking this weekend that will force me to either forego reporting on my mouth and its potential contents or post entries of GWiMMRN at a hotel "Business Center"
B) A question that got a far more courteous response than the subject matter it addressed called for
C) Eugene's wrinkly, aching, heavy nuts
D) A photo of that time Sheppy was arrested for trying to give himself a horse-jism facial from a randy stallion at the 4H Club
E) A blast from the past
F) An awesome movie written and directed by blockbuster author Michael Crichton
G) A big, fat cock for Professor "Spanking the Owl" Newport

Maybe I Was a Little Hard on You All...

But it's only because I know you can do better. Say it with me: "I CAN. I-" Oh, never fucking mind. Dealing with you people is like trying to corral seventeen chimpanzees all trying to fuck the same football at once. Just GWiMMRN:

A) Sheryl Crow's tiny, sweaty, squinchy tits
B) Lance Armstrong's horribly swollen nutsack
C) Lance and Sheryl's swollen, squinchy breakup
D) The fountain pen Armstrong's doctor undoubtedly used on Lance's horribly swollen left nut, popping it to "let some of the fluid out"
E) Lance Armstrong Livestrong Ballsack Fluid Pops
F) The nut cancer I will undoubtedly contract as a result of mocking someone who actually had nut cancer
G) *pop* *SQWOOOOOSH* "OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" "Sorry, Lance. heeheeheeheeheehee!"
H) A big, fat, noncancerous cock

UPDATE: heeheeheeheeheehee!

RESPONSIBILITY and COOPERATION

At long last, have you no decency? No sense of shame? It's all about RESPONSIBILITY and COOPERATION. I provide you with choices, you make some guesses, and everyone has been Saved. What's so wrong with that? Are you anti-salvation? You have a RESPONSIBILITY here and COOPERATION is the means for your Salvation.

Now, with all that in mind, GWiMMRN:

A) Slap Happy Sue's Mud-derific Shit Pies.
B) A dozen eggs.
C) TESTICLEES, THE BALLED WARRIOR, IN ALL HIS GLEAMING GOODNESS.
D) Shampoo for Testiclees' hairy legs.
E) Albert Finney and a pre-colorectal-cancerous-and-stunningly-beautiful Audrey Hepburn.
F) Poopy poopy poopy poop.
G) Someone's totally mod big fat cock.

Look.

I'm sick of all the bullshit on this site. Just...just...sick of it. Okay? GROW UP.

If you can't guess what's in my mouth right now, fucking LEARN. I don't do this for my health. I do it for YOU. I could at least get some appreciation.

A) GROW UP.
B) GROW UP.
C) GROW UP.
D) Area 51, with all the tasty little aliens inside
E) lola's internal bleeding
F) A fucking movie, all right? A fucking MOVIE.
G) A big, fat cock

UPDATE: GROW UP.

I've Got Another Thing Coming

That's correctamundo, as the Fonz would say.

GwimmRn:

A) Aaaaaaayyy!
B) A very short-lived cartoon of Happy Days with, surprisingly, the original cast as voice talent.
C) Voice talent.
D) The new Bond girl.
E) The real new Bond girl.
F) TRANSCENDENCE.
G) a big, fat cock.

UPDATE: The answer may now be H) An unexpectedly loud fart that I attempted to squibb out silently en route to the bathroom; so loud, in fact, that I got embarassed and ran back to my office. This event is so true, it may be in my mouth right now.

My Mouth Has a Post-Valentine's Day Present for All of You

Can you guess what it is? Give it a try:

A) Several bloody little pellets of birdshot, from Dick Cheney's shotgun to you
B) Several bloody little spurts of semen, from my fresh Prince Albert to you
C) The Fresh Prince
D) Thick, canary yellow urine
E) A new wrinkle
F) Fruit salad with a warm, moist topping of Thomas Fries
G) The sounds my turtle made when I fed the salad to it
H) *eek!* *eeerp!* *euigh!* *uhee!* *spurt spurt spurrrrrrrrrrt*
I) A big, fat canary cock

Even Cupid has to GWiMMRN

Don't be a stupid Cupid! GWiMMRN, you lovely fucknosed beasts!

A) The Silver Surfer.
B) A Crayola Crayon Sharpener.
C) A. Louima's Petrified Cocoa.
D) A Heart Shaped Box.
E) Nirvana.
F) A Big, Fat Cocklette.

Note Bene: The answer is not G) How you're treated on this website. Simply put, nobody wants to hear about how you're treated here. GROW UP.

UPDATE: The answer DEFINITELY isn't H) A Valentine for lola, as she jixed it with her big jinxy ways:

Have a Happy St. Valentine's Day...IN MY MOUTH

I love St. Valentine's day, because I get to put every kind of flower and candy and sex toy I can find into my ever-loving mouth. It's awesome. I LOVE IT.

LOVE IT.

LOVE.

IT.

gwImmrn:

A) Complaints about my treatment
B) The Haitian Love Treatment, in honor of the holiday and despite the fact that there's little love at all in getting the splintery handle end of a toilet plunger rammed up your poop-chute
C) A romantic dinner just for two
D) A pirpel tirtel penis
E) All 6,260,000 RELEVANT TRADE MAGAZINES with the pages stuck together
F) Urine and Listerine multitask spectacular balloons, warmed up real nice in the microwave and ready to throw at the newlyweds
G) A ketchup and mustard homeless hoagie with the extra-added bonus of sliced orangutan penises
H) A big, fat cock in a box of chocolates, 'cause you never know what you're gonna get

Have a Ball-Slapping Monday in My Mouth

I do this for you, not me. It's about broadening your horizons. It's about opening your mind. It's about saving you from yourself. FOCUS on my mouth. FO. CUS. Read the bottom of this website if you need a refresher course. Once properly focused, I know you'll have the right answer to what's in my mouth right now:

A) My new fax number, which is different from the fax number of MY PENIS
B) International Socialism, the Dreaded Enemy of MY PENIS
C) A heartfelt apology, marred by a sick obsession
D) The lanolin-slimed underside of Virginia Madsen's left breast, warm and ready for my not-so-solitary delight
D) An angry sheep
E) Equipment failure
F) A cancerous mole the size of a desk phone on my right nut
G) The Blonde Tornado
H) Dharma's big, fat (notional) cock

I Have a Curious Feeling

I feel that you're not guessing what's in my mouth right now. I also feel that you should be focusing on what's in my mouth right now. I feel that you feel that I don't feel that you feel that you're not saying in your house with my words "I CAN I CAN I CAN."

Whew! I feel better. Now, GUESS! WHAT'S! IN! MY! MOUTH! RIGHT! NOW!

A) That feeling in the back of your throat when you almost have to take a dump, but you know in your heart of hearts that if you wait just a little bit longer, the dump will slide out much easier.
B) A really rich, moist, chocolate cake with real raspberries on top.
C) The wisdom contained in letter A; note that it's different from knowledge or intelligence. Wisdom comes from EXPERIENCE.
D) My Flatulence Intelligence, which is sort of like Emotional Intelligence, except its geared more towards things like shitting and burping.
E) Fried pierogies.
F) CAPOTE's high pitched, alcohol reeking voice.
G) Michelle Kwan's love juices, slathered all over a big, fat cock and tasting like disappointment.

UPDATE: Scroll down to the bottom of this webpage for your re-education.

UPDATE UPDATE: SHOW ME THE MONKEY!

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE: MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY. CHECK OUT HIS BLOG.

You Don't Have to Go to Church on Sunday When You've Got My Mouth

There is no god but my mouth, and GWiMMRN is His prophet. I don't demand very much from you in the way of worship. It's not such a BURDEN to guess what's in my mouth right now, is it? I mean, I'm not taking anything AWAY from you. Just guess, okay? Jesus! Stop all this fucking complaining already! Guess! GUESS! GUESS!!!

A) Passive-aggressive hostility embodied in a fat little cow with a goat fornication fixation
B) A female raccoon all fat and frisky from a cold meal of frozen vomit
C) *blorp* *hee hee* *munch munch munch*
D) Self-loathing and mental illness turned into online theater
E) The Baby Boomer Generation, the whole self-important lot of them
F) A hot fudge sundae covered in little spurts of hot yogurt and fed to an unsuspecting customer at the local DQ
G) A big, fat raccoon ccocck