Pink Slip Friday

Increase the peace, people. That's the motto for the 21st, 22nd, and 20th Centuries. Don't forgoet: The Anglo-Boer Wars are over, freedom has rung throughout Angelina Jolie's vagina.

Now, the time for Truth and Reconsillyiation is here. Guess. What's. In. My. Mouth.


A) That Brad Pitt still can't get over it that he can see Angelina Jolie naked any time he wants.
B) That, towards the end, Jennifer Aniston wasn't all that excited about seeing Brad Pitt naked anytime she wanted.
C) That it's better to fire folks on a Friday, so they have time to drink themselves into a coma over the weekend instead of coming into work the next day with a weapon of some kind.
D) A pink slip.
E) The firing of Dr. Zachary Smith from WWSwAtT, because he uttered one of the most DISGUSTING phrases I have ever heard: "OOooooOO! How I slithered on up his steamy steel hole and placed my pinky peepee in it! OOOOOOOoooooooo! oooooooOOOOOO!" You're FIRED, you disgusting fuck.
F) A big, fat, worm ridden, pustulating, boil-infested, rotten, been-up-a-skunk's-ass-while-the-skunk-was-farting cock.


Don't Blame Nadia Comaneci for Your Failings

It's not her fault that you are woefully inadequate. She got perfect scores and you didn't. That makes her better than you.

But not better than me. GWiMMRN, and really FOCUS this time.

A) A big, honkin' bottle of GeroVital.
B) An orange shag carpet with invisible bloody pee stains all over it.
C) Wonder Woman's impossibly huge Amazonian minge.
D) Self respect without the self denial.
E) A gargle of mouthwash.
F) Sofia Choi, again. And again.
G) A big, faaaaaaaat you-know-whom.


GWiMMRN, Downsizing Edition

Alright, folks. Listen up. The rumors you may have heard are true. GWiMMRN, which is a subsidiary of MY PENIS, has bought controlling stock in Wilhelmina's Web Sundae with All the Toppings. MY PENIS is not available for comment, but, as of press time, he says he is, and I quote, "currently engaged in a hostile takeover of your wife's ass."

Some of the employees at WWSwAtT have been under-performing. There's no kind way to put this; one of them will be fired on Friday.

Alright people, settle down. FOCUS, people. FOCUS.

Due to stringent adherence to affirmative action policies, we are unable to fire any minorities, which means that Wilhelmina, Muhammad Ali, and Senor Chip Butty are safe. Shifty McPenis is dead, so he's safe. However, the rest of them are eminently fireable.

So, guess which beloved or not-so-beloved WWSwAtT employee is in my mouth, queueing to be fired:

A) Reese Witherspoon, America's Sweetheart.
B) Franky Buttafuoco, Paraplegic Mailperson.
C) The Bugs.
D) Elvis, The King, AKA The Carjacker Gourmet.
E) The REAL Mark Harmon.
F) Starwilde, the Majikal Unicorn.
G) Sir Lord Assmunch.
H) Dr. Zachary Smith.
I) A big, fat cock.

HINT: The answer may be wedding cake.


GWiMMRN, Snotty Chunks of Cunt Hair Edition

Everything will be all right once you've G'd wimmr now:

A) Your wife's placenta, yes YOURS
B) Teri Hatcher's vagina exercising machine after a short but satisfying workout
C) A high-pitched grunt after a long silence
D) A pint of hot yogurt
E) A Little Loose Poop (sung to the tune of "My Little Deuce Coupe")
F) Multumesc, a new pussy-flavored drink like Ovaltine that you add milk to and stir
G) A big, fat no-frills cock


A little loose poop
You don´t know what I got
A little loose poop
You don´t know what I got
Well I´m not braggin´ bud so don´t put me down
But I´ve got the loosest set of bowels in town
When something comes out of me just don´t even try
Cause if you smell my diarrhea man you just want to die
It's a little loose poop
You don´t know what I got
(A little loose poop)
(You don´t know what I got)
Just a little loose poop with a real bad smell
And it's as deadly as sarin gas: it's as bad as hell
I've farted and grunted and squirted some shit
After twenty minutes in the can I'm not done yet
It's a little loose poop
You don´t know what I got
(A little loose poop)
(You don´t know what I got)

GWiMMRN, The Don't Get Me Started on Tom Cruise Edition

Just don't, okay?


A) Tom Cruise' wife's placenta.
B) Katie Holmes' husband's favorite movie.
C) Tom Cruise's new movie, Mission Impossible III: I Want to Eat Your Wife's Placenta.
D) Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie, which suspiciously tastes like a Scientologist's wife's placenta.
E) Psychology!
F) A big, fat psychological cock with a placenta wrapped around it like it was some 1800's American wild west's a-sexual school marm's bonnet.


GWiMMRN, Post-Communion Mouthwash Edition

Once you've slobbed the Lord's knob, you are forever protected from sin. The hot slap of His butterscotch ice cream against the back of your throat is a Benedick-tion.

I hope we're clear. G-w-i-m-m-r-n:

A) A new blogger template to emphasize the MERCURIALITY of it all, ignoring the obvious grammatical error in the title of the blog
B) The pair you need to strap on
C) Melman's true identity
D) The horribly bizarre love-child of Larry "Bud" Melman and this surprised looking turd
E) The adorable little ass hairs surrounding this sweet young thing's delectable chocolate starfish
F) A slice of moist, delicious pie
G) A tater tot casserole bathed in Helen's sweet juices
H) Spaghetti Alfredo lovingly prepared in sweet Helen's pink parts
I) A pushed, if not completely torn envelope
J) A big, fat cock

UPDATE: A baby picture, in case you missed it:

Communion, GWiMMRN Edition

Get on your knees and open your mouth.

Situated? Good. GWiMMRN:

A) Communion, but with pubic hair.
B) The butterscotch ice cream of this man.
C) A funny that I made all by myself.
D) The "I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus!" Communion Cracker.
E) The devil's big ol' smokey, barbed, sulfuric cock.


Take It Easy!

National security depends on you taking a load off, man. So, take a load off and put the load right on me. As long as that load is FOCUSING, that is!


A) A foam-rubber universe where no one ever gets hurt.
B) Little Petey the Quadrapalegic's heartbreaking, self-published picture book, The Best Day I Ever Had at the Hospital.
C) Nazareth, Jesus' home town.
D) The Huge, Juicy Adventures of Dick Hunter, Van Nuys, CA P.D.
E) The day Larry "Bud" Melman put a stiffy in Paris Hilton's dumper.
E) A urine soaked nerf football.
F) A foam-rubber big, fat cock.

HINT: The answer may be wedding cake.