TGIF! Lick My Nuts!

Droopy perserverence won't cut it in this town, bub.

GWiMMRN, or Guess What's in MY Mouth Right Now:

A) Nuts.
B) A healthy attitude.
C) A shit filled canoe floating down shit's creek in the middle of a shit storm while shitting in my pants.
E) A toe ring.
F) A camel toe ring.
G) A shoe impression.
H) A big fat cock impression.

UPDATE: The answer could now be I) The mystery of why these three fine young Wisconsin gentlemen wanted to buy condoms before screwing a week-old dead corpse.


GWiMMRN, Health Club Edition

If you don't have your health, you at least have my mouth. Guess what's in it:

A) An elliptical trainer
B) The vaguely uneasy feeling that the ellipticals should only be used by women, bolstered by the fact that I rarely if ever see any other men working out on them
C) The falsies and sports bra I now wear to counteract that uneasy feeling
D) The difficulty inherent in looking at the well-toned ass of the girl running furiously on the treadmill directly in front of me without my wife on the elliptical nearby knowing
E) A bouncing ponytail, which for some weird reason excites my prey drive and makes me want to grab it and smash its owner's face into the digital display of the treadmill which is a pretty bad thing because of the number of women at the club who put their hair up in ponytails like that
F) The fat old fuck who doesn't wipe off the machine after he's done with it, making the rest of us act as his de facto sweatmopper
G) The magazine owned by the woman in front of me walking at a quaalude-stricken turtle's pace that had the picture of a gigantic burger on the cover with the word "GROUND BEEF" superimposed on it
H) A big, fat, toned cock with a little sweatband on it


Axis of...

My Mouth, My Mouth and My Mouth are all the axises you need, baby!


A) An all access backstage pass to a Lil' Kim concert.
B) The East Coast vs. West Coast War.
C) The mystery of who killed the Notorious B.I.G.
D) The mystery of who killed Tupac.
E) A shovel full of wet dog shit.
F) "beefs"
G) 2000 emails, 99% of which spell penis with a 1.
H) pen1s! pleez her 2day! B.I.G. impr'vmnts! with ur erekt1le d1sfunct10n!
I) A big fat pen1s.


Labor on My Ding-Dong

Today is the day on which you must both labor on my ding-dong while singing songs of joy and GWiMMRN:

As Steve Irwin would have said, the heart must go on.

Guess what's in my mouth right now:

A) A stingray!
B) Crocodile Dundee, who's alive, but whose career has been punched through the heart by the stingray of time.
C) FLAVA FLAV!!!!!!!!!
D) New York, who will be making a special guest appearance in My Mouth at 6 o'clock today.
E) The spirit of Public Enemy rolling in its grave.
F) Professor Q. Boredom's Lame-U-Cational Cocksuckery, one mo' time.
G) Charo! Hootchie Cootchie! Oldie Moldy!
H) A neglected past.
I) Link Wray!
J) A stingray's big, fat cock.


GWiMMRN on This Very Sunday, You Fuckchops Edition

You! Yes, you. Quit taking a crimson ride on the cotton toboggan and GWiMMRN:

A) Trail mix
B) Professor Q. Boredom's Lame-U-Cational Cocksuckery
C) The Labour Party
D) Labour Day, which is toumourrouw
F) Yo-ho-yoni
G) A fuckchop
H) The Pirpel family's shock and horror when they do a Google search
I) My own shock and horror at having a big, fat cock