GWiMMRN, Saturday Afternoon After Lunch Edition

I don't always SWALLOW everything in my mouth. I mean, some things go in there, and sometimes they go out. Get it? GWiMMRN:

A) A pair of wooly, soft llama testicles, still attached to the llama
B) All the fake silicone/saline tits in Hostel, still attached to the girls
C) The horrible yellow fluid that squirted out of that poor chick's eye socket
D) A mocha chip frappucino, with an extra shot of salmon flavoring
E) Paris Hilton's Ipod, covered with that horrible yellow fluid that squirted out of that poor chick's eye socket
F) A big, fat cock


GWiMMRN: Friday Chip Butty Edition

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Friday. Nothing quite like Friday. Unless it's a really good chip butty. So, my little chips, let's see if you can guess what's in my butty (and my mouth) right now:

A) Creamed chipped shit on toast
B) A Helen Thomas chip butty special *kerpuke*
C) A wet cow chip (butty)
D) lola's quandry: should she swallow an entire chip butty in one gulp, or "trott up to the church on sunday for a bit of horrendous massacreing with a machine gun" with extra t's and e's?
E) Tten ttrotting chip butty ttentts
F) The common English expression, "Butt out, Chip!" which is what inspired Lord Assmunch, Duke of Puke, Baron of Crappersfield, and Knight of the Rectal Realm to create the delicious, nutritious delicacy known far and wide as the CHIP BUTTY
G) A steak and kidney pie (bigfatcock)


Time Has Come Today

TIME! ticktockticktock TIME! tick tock tick... tock ... TIME!


A) A frog log.
B) A t.v. time-out.
C) Isabella Rosellini, every gravy covered inch of her.
D) A finger puppet of Tara Reid, covered in condiments.
E) Cat-sup.
F) A big, fat cock, covered in 調味肉汁 (tiao wei rou zhi, muthafukka).

UPDATE: The answer may now include G) Yellow Soup with Foam on Top, speciar fol Yankee dog.

Time to Dial 911

Call Emergency Services, because when you guess what's in my mouth right now, you're going to plotz! You're going to just...just...plotz! You'll fall the fuck down thanking God, Jesus, and my mouth for all kinds of shit! Oh, yeah. But then you'll get back up again. Yup. I promise.

A) A dog log
B) My left forefinger right after probing both Tara Reid and Paris Hilton's anuses, feeling for rectal polyps, hemo-ruh-ruh-roids, a baked potato, and a good parking spot
C) The illegitimate hate-child of Lord Assmunch, Duke of Puke and Baron of Crappersfield
D) Seventeen pairs of labia minora, not mine
E) A nice plate of fish and chips, all crispy and hot with some lemon and cocktail sauce
F) A chip butty
G) A big, fat, chip buttylicious CUHHHHHHHHH-HOCK

UPDATE: The answer is NOT H) Scary ripples. They were in there for a few seconds last week, but didn't make the cut.


I Got the 411

In what's in My Mouth right now! ha ha HA. Ehhh, you fucknoses wouldn't know what a fucknose was unless it fucknosed you in the fucknose. Fucknose.


A) Jismcicles.
B) Debra Messing's cavernous stretch-marks.
C) A cold snap.
D) Lord Assmunch's beautific speeches to Parliament that raise the level of political discourse a cunt hair above the rest.
E) The phattest beats from 1987.
F) The phattest cock in China.

Bump Day, BUMP DAY, BUMP DAY! Edition of GWiMMRN

It's clear to me that many, if not all of you have been thinking about things that aren't my mouth and its contents. I'm sick of having to tell you to focus. Is it that difficult? Focus. I know you can do it. Repeat after me: "I CAN. I CAN. I CAN. I CAN FOCUS." Don't think of an elephant. I said DON'T. Instead, guess what's in my mouth right now:

A) Marshall Applewhite's excised testicles, each one bitten in half
B) The new air freshener "Poopourri," intended to give every room that fresh "I just shit the bed" scent
C) Just what the guy was thinking when he squeezed Scarlett Johansen's teats on the red carpet at the Golden Globes
D) Scarlett Johansen's crimson globes (with handprints)
E) The adorable little 臀部 寒毛 near Scarlett Johansen's 肛門
F) Marshall Applewhite's big, fat cometty cock


'PHANT! the Musical Was Shut Out at the Golden Globes

But the only Golden Globes you should worry about are those that are in my mouth right now! Guess!

A) A mouthy parrot.
B) A semen stained DVD player remote control from watching a bootlegged copy of Golden Globe winner Brokeback Mountain.
C) A steaming pile of rugose wedding cakes made entirely of weapons-grade hot dogs.
D) A Chinee-Engrish Dictiornaly.
E) 奜 肥胖 阴茎

Update: KowTow to My Mouth.

GWiMMRN, Generic Tuesday Edition


A) A
B) Big,
C) Fat,
D) Throbbing,
E) Slimy,
F) Rugose,
G) Wedding cake



All Roads to Lead to My Mouth

That's right. My mouth is majesty.


A) A mile high pile of turds, such that the top of the mound actually reached above the water-line, freshly unleashed into a gleaming white toilet bowl.
B) A sigh of relief when that pile of excrement flushed successfully.
C) The thought that had those turds not been soft, I would have had to grab the plunger and work them down the toilet hole.
D) A toilet hole, not mine.
E) Neutra-air.
F) A big, fat plunger-shaped cock.

Monday. Again. In My Mouth.

How's it going? What are you up to? Focusing on my mouth, I hope. I know it's Monday and all that, but cheer up: it's the start of a new week with all kinds of things to place in my capacious maw. Guess what I've placed in there. Right now:

B) Sabine Ehrenfeld and Sophia Choi's love juices, boiled down with some white wine and shallots into a delicious reduction suitable for glazing a raw chicken breast
C) A raw chicken breast sandwich with raw bacon, month-old store-brand mayonnaise and fried lettuce
D) Sheppy's masturbatory fantasy of sucking on D) until all the juice runs over his snaggly teeth and down his misshapen chin
E) A buckwheat fuckleberry pancake wrapped around a slice of really good hot dog cake with an ice-cold glass of Listerine and urine multitask spectacular on the side
F) A breath mint
G) A big, fat cock (noodle)


My Mouth Has NO Scheduled Outages

I DO, however, have scheduled INages, but no OUTages. That means you can experience what's in my mouth right now RECIPROCALLY by engaging in the Aztec-old question of what's in my mouth, right about...


A) Sophia Choi. Oh yesss... ungh. Ungh. oh ungh...
B) Sophia Choi's feathered hair. Ungh. Oh, sweet ungh ungh.
C) Chartreuse, an herbal liqueur .
D) Turtle Soup without the turtles.
E) Did I mention Sophia Choi?
F) The wild parrots of Telegraph Hill.
G) A big, fat cock boiled in Sabine Ehrenfeld's and Sophia Choi's love juices.

GWiMMRN, Holy Sunday Blasphemy Edition

There is nothing more sacred than my mouth, even on the Lord's Day. Because even the Lord must bow down to my mouth's greatness. And He does, you can be sure of that. Even HE knows that I can put Him in my mouth if I so choose. What's in there now, however, is the real issue:

A) A breakfast of old g-strings stolen from the laundry room of the specialty strip joint Brown Frowns
B) A shocked grimace
C) The Mayan ruins of Chichén Itzá
D) A semen balloon thrown right at the Pope's face, filled with the jism of martyrs
E) William Fichtner's chilling performance as Sheriff Underlay in Shaun Cassidy's Invasion
F) Hyena foreskins
G) Sheriff Underlay's big, fat alien cock