Everybody's Workin' for the Weekend IN MY MOUTH

Yay for Saturday! On Saturday, I can put something in my mouth! What have I put in there this time?

A) Marlee Matlin's eardrums
B) One of those faggy little cars that Sulu undoubtedly drives
C) Sulu's much-abused pooooooooooop shoooooooooooot
D) Bouncy, flouncy otter balls
E) Asshole bruschetta with roasted garlic spread
F) The nibbled-off fingernails of Macaulay Culkin before his first sleepover with Michael Jackson
G) Sulu's big, fat cock

GWiMMRN, It's After Noon Somewhere Friday Edition

I'm still all about putting things, events, places, and concepts in there. What's in there now?

A) Those adorable little toned snatch hairs near Mei Xiang Welch's chocolate starfish
B) A cosmo made of Japanese pussy-flavored vodka, cranberry juice, and a splash of Clamato
C) Nigel Hollingsworth's Aunt Francine
D) The King James bible with a suspiciously penis-shaped hollow cut out of the pages
E) Jeffrey Scrotum Bag Barnes' birth certificate, stating for the record that his real name is Jeffrey Testicle Balls Sweaty Nutsack Scrotum Beanbag Barnes
F) Biscotti Toscani with a nice dish of French Vanilla ice cream and panda pussy sauce
G) A pussy cat
H) A pussy cat with a big, fat cock

8----> Guess What's in My Mouth Right Now <----8

Cheerio, Chumly! Pip pip! I've got something in my mouth, I do! Want to see it? Do you? Well, come along! Haven't got all day! Here we go internationale...

Part my lips and gaze into the PRESENT...

A) Tufts of dirty white fur from Mei Xiang's panda pussy.
B) Green Irish protein shake from Mr. Nutty McFroot-Loop.
C) Sweet sweat from between Moon Bloodgood's TATA's.
D) George Takei's gay labia.
E) Baggy, saggy elephant balls.
F) A small, flacid penis.

update: Some of you are guessing G) The intake of air when I say the word "toward," which makes my mouth look likes it's kissing.

This is not right. Please keep guessing.

TGIF Edition of GWiMMRN

Ahh! Up early for a new day of putting things in my mouth. What shall I choose to put in there?

A) An FBI profile of the sick individual who conceived and created this blog
B) Camille Bacon-Smith
C) The abrasive, not-particularly adorable stubble hairs on Katie Couric's untoned suuh-NATCH
D) A gigantic tub of mayonnaise with the mushroom-shaped imprint of Memin Pinguin's glans in the middle of it
E) A jar of jizz, hold the tea and toast unless the tea is jizz flavored, in which case it's all right but definitely not the toast
F) Gummi penises in lieu of the usual, as it's Friday

Workin' and Jerkin' Late on a Thursday Night and MY MOUTH is HONGRY

Ho boys and girls... tell you what. My mouth and I are preparing for sleep. As soon as we leave the office and finally get on home, we're going straight to the kitchen to prepare us some vittles. yessiree. Here's a wrinkle; Guess What WIll BE in My Mouth in about, oh, an hour from now:

A) Listerine and urine multitask spectacular.
B) Eye boogers from the sandman's nocturnal emissions.
C) The Count of Monte Cristo.
D) Tea and Toast.
E) Tea, Toast, and a jar of jizz.
F) sssssssizzeline.
G) A gigabyte of big, fat cock.

Hint: Chances are, it's been up my arse first.

Oh No!

I lost the hot dog 4 bars ago!

Keep guessing!

EXTRA Hard-Hitting Thursday Edition of GWiMMRN

If you like the previous installment, honey, you'll like this one.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Feel the looooooove. Guess...guess what's in my mooooooouth. Right noow. Ooooooooo, yeah.

A) The Kool-Aid mascot's huge crimson scrote, glistening with saliva and little crystals of powdered drink mix.
B) Tater twats
C) Harriet Miers' withdrawal letter, glistening with store-brand mustard and stapled to Sheryl Swoopes' adorable little ass hairs with extremely tiny staples
D) A chewed-up Bic pen cap
E) A Christmas party invitation inside a hand-made hot dog bun
F) lola's hand and wrist just past the new watch her mum bought for her
G) A big, fat cock just at the scrote

Hint: The password is: "scrote"

It's Thursday and My Mouth is IN THE MOOD

oooo yeah, honey. come on over and see what the mouth is cooking. smell that? oooo yeah.

go on, babe. guess what's percolating in the honey receptacle.

A) Blue toilet water, made from spitting green mint Listerine into the toilet bowl I just urinated in.
B) Doody bubbles.
C) Howdy Doody's woody wood pecker.
D) Charlie Brown's Great Pumpkin.
E) Jon Stewart's shiny hair helmet.
F) You know what (Hint: it's a big, fat cock).

mmmmmmm.

Bump Day Edition of GWiMMRN

If Wednesday's "Hump Day," why isn't Thursday "Bump Day?" And what's up with humpbacks: why don't they call them bumpbacks? These are the questions in my mouth today, in addition to what else:

A) Brian Dennehy's meat farts
B) Those adorable little ass hairs near D'Angelo's sweaty starfish
C) The Baby Jesus
D) Those adorable little ass hairs near the Baby Jesus's starfish
E) A pint of tartar sauce, gargled
F) Birthday cake (not hot dog flavored)
G) A big, fat cock

Wet and Wooly Wednesday After Lunch Nap Edition

*yawn* *OW!* Boy, is My Mouth sore! I've been cramming things in there like there's no tomorrow!

Before my after lunch nap, and whilst I yawn, please take a moment and tell me what's going on in There:

A) A dollop of sweat from the lowest portion of D'angelo's tummy fat roll.
B) Sheryl Swoopes' gay labia.
C) Raquel Welch's toned snatch.
D) An impassioned WHAAAAAAGH! from seeing Penelope Ann Miller stretch out on the bed during the movie The Shadow.
E) A photoshopped picture of Michelle Malkin's kung fu hustled pubes.
F) A photoshopped picture of a big, fat cock, made to look much larger than it could possibly be.

*BRRRRRPRPRPRRR* Ahhh! Post-Lunch Hump Day Edition of GWiMMRN

My GOD! What...what's IN there?!?

A) A Happy Pie
B) The Good Package
C) The Big Gun
D) A moist towelette originally intended for wiping off my hands at an Applebee's All-You-Can-Eat Riblets feast, but now repurposed as a dental dam protecting me from the tickling ministrations of the adorable little ass hairs near Jessica Alba's starfish.
E) A wet, sloppy wad of unbaked hotdog cake
F) A hand-made hot dog bun
G) A hand-made big, fat cock

Midterm Exam Time for My Mouth

Alright, folks! All books and notes away... take out your electronic pencils and mark the letter that best answers the question.

1. What's in my mouth right now?

A) Puke drenched extended DVD of that dog-turd of a movie "Gone in 60 Seconds."
B) The sexually cracked lower lip of Angelina Jolie.
C) Jodie Foster's gay labia.
D) Star Wars Pop Tarts
E) Candy apples wrapped in razor-blades.
F) Sucrets.
G) An exact, real-size replica of a big, fat cock (you can't tell the difference).

O.K.! Pencils down! Hand in your test!

Your Score ________________

It's the Middle of the Week for My Mouth

Which means that there's something in it! What might it be?

A) A small pile of sugared raisins carefully removed from a box of Kellogg's Raisin Bran
B) Post Scrotie-O's: a new cereal consisting of corn flakes, prairie dog scrota, and tiny multicolored marshmallows
C) Grape NUTS
D) A spoonful of Jello Abscess 'N' Chancre flavor pudding
E) A faerie princess
F) A big, fat cock

GWiMMRN, Secret Tuesday Edition

Shhhhh! They might still be watching! Even so, I have managed to secretly put something in my mouth. Whatever could it be?

A) The eponymous "chunk" of the oft-heard bathroom phrase, "What does that chunk want?"
B) Sabine Ehrenfeld's uvula
C) Yellow snow from a diabetic puppy's excited leavings (sweet!)
D) Noam Chomsky's tax return, stapled to Sabine Ehrenfeld's taint
E) A 30-lb. barbell with little teeth marks all around it
F) A burgeoning yawn
G) A big, fat, burgeoning cock

They're Watching My Mouth and It's Only TUESDAY

[angrily pulling down the venetian blinds]
"They're...watching me!"
-- The Brass Ring (1983)

My Mouth is always reaching for The Brass Ring. Short of it, My Mouth settles for the brown ring.

Settle the debate! Isn't there SOMEONE who knows what's in my mouth right now?

A) A queef from Katie Couric.
B) Those adorable stubble hairs atop Matt Lauer's mostly-shaved skull.
C) Those adorable little ass hairs near Jessica Alba's starfish.
D) Tongue condom (I ain't going into letter C without it).
E) Jack rabbit ejaculate.
F) The whole town of Gunbarrel, Colorado.
G) A fig, bat cock.

Hint: You have to open the mouth until the uvula shows in order to get it all in.

updated hint: Unscramble the letters to find the answer. OPB ETH AGLBONO

GWiMMRN, Early Tuesday Edition

Another day, another description of what's in my mouth right now. Pick two:

A) A rusty paper clip spiked RIGHT THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF MY TONGUE NEAR THE BACK (ow!)
B) Tom Cruise's clit ring (oo!)
C) A chunk of turkey kielbasa with mayonnaise all over it (mm!)
D) Teeth, clenched in irritation over an unexpected parking ticket (rr!)
E) The War on Terror (ag!)
F) An origami dildo, previously used by Sandra Oh (oh!)
G) A big, fat cock (ga!)

Holy FUCK! There's...there's something in my mouth! Right now!

What on EARTH could it be?

A) Norton Antivirus
B) A mound
C) The bile-bitter taste of envy that my mouth's adventures aren't as popular as Andrea Harris
D) Mashed-up garlic cloves smeared on an inveterate masturbator's shotrag
E) The big, fat, pimple-strewn cock of the fat guy with all the boils on his face in Dune
F) Rick Ducommun's career
G) A white, greasy Swedish meatball from that New Year's Eve party found under the couch at 10:34 AM on January 1 (still moist)

No hints this time. This should be an easy one.

It's a Three-fer in My Mouth Today!

Oh, happy Day: my mouth has been terribly busy. Can you guess what may be within its capacious majesty?

A) A photograph of Courtney Love's large, smeary, red lips
B) A tiny piece of Gouda caught in my molars
C) Biggie Smalls's final defecation as a result of involuntary sphincter-loosening upon death
D) Alka-Seltzer
E) A moist blend of melted mozzarella, liquid paper, and mucus
F) A big, fat cock

(Hint: Say CHEESE!)

Someone's Got a Case of the Mondays IN MY MOUTH

Oh, I almost forgot to add a few more options to what's in there right now, because SOMETHING definitely is:

A) Hot dog ejaculate
B) Juicy wine shits from the homeless guy who sits outside of City Hall and drinks Night Train from a paper bag
C) Juicyfruit gum
D) A few droplets of motor oil, accidentally squirted into my mouth by a spastic auto mechanic
E) Harriet Miers' chocolate starfish
F) A big, fat cock

Guess What's in My Mouth Right Now, You Fools!

Foolish ones! My mouth contains a fiery lunacy that demands your pernicious attentions!

Behold! And guess!

A) RUBN1out, the rubber chicken flu virus.
B) Teef.
C) A 21 handjob salute to our nation's perverts.
D) Slick Willie's Intern Cigar Syrup.
E) A rain-slicked page from the Cliff Notes version of "To Kill a Mockingbird," where it says "Atticus represents morality and reason in To Kill a Mockingbird. As a character, Atticus is even-handed throughout the story. He is one of the very few characters who never has to rethink his position on an issue."
F) A big, fat cock.

GWIMMRN, Sunday Blue Laws Edition

Those pesky Sunday Blue Laws hamper my efforts to stuff all manner of people, places, and things in my ever-gaping mouth. In an act of sivvel-disobedience, guess what's in my mouth at the moment:

A) Absinthe
B) Wine made from fermenting boiled dog foreskins.
C) Sweet Semen Liquor
D) Salty and acidic vaginal secretions secreted from an undereducated Britney Spears.
E) Gutter water from the corner of Hollywood and Vine.
F) Smurf blood Chianti.
G) Syrup from a big, fat cock.

Special Sunday Edition of GWiMMRN Blog

Yes, even on the Lord's Day, I put things in my mouth. So, what's in there right now?

A) Typewriter ribbon
B) A blood-smeared goal-post
C) A huge, black bunion smothered in toe jam
D) lola's tongue
E) My own tongue smothered in lola's toe jam
F) The sour taste of a nice Sunday brunch spoiled by a family argument over money
G) A big, fat cock