Weekend Follies in My Mouth!

This website has been referred to as "relentless." If by "relentless," you mean "Relentless in its pursuit of excellence," I must confess that you are correct. I will not relent. I will go on, giving you the most up-to-date information on my mouth's contents as long as I have a mouth to stuff stuff in. So, what's in my mouth right now?

A) Tater twat casserole with extra snatch dandruff
B) Oreo cookies snatched from every mother-lovin' inch of Larry "Bud" Melman's starfish
C) The Blood of the Lamb
D) The relentless pursuit of excellence
E) Edward's cheque, repurposed as a homeless woman's maxi pad
F) Peace on Earth
G) A big, fat cock


My Mouth on November 4, 2005!

Holy pigfucks! What can be in there now, on this very day, I wonder?

A) Wonkette's red, chapped anus
B) The long, blonde pubic hair 'cross Nicole Richie's red, chapped anus
C) The Star Spangled Banner
D) A partially shredded moist towelette, its adventures with Jessica Alba's starfish and Sarah Beeny's taint completed, finally re-re-repurposed as a tasty snack
E) Self-loathing that all this effort is being put forth to maintain this horrible website
F) A bountiful harvest of dingleberries
G) Ana's big, fat Cox

My Mouth in 2008

Early voting now for what's in my mouth right now!

A) Spermy McBurp's middle class tax cut.
B) The long, blonde pubic hair of the law.
C) Lola's icy nips.
D) Japan's icy nips.
E) Paris Hilton's soiled breeches after eating that greasy hamburger.
F) A bigus, fatus cockus.

Even Though It's Friday, You'll All Still Have to Deal with My Mouth

The weekend's almost here! My mouth and I will have a bomb-diggity good time! What's in there now, preparing for the party?

A) A severed bull's penis, festooned with buttons and repurposed as a hand puppet to help teach children the importance of courtesy in daily life
B) Frankfurter cake, which differs from hot dog cake in one important particular: the addition of a dash of tarragon to the icing for that extra zing
C) Margaret Cho's angry little veggie farts
D) *prrt prrrrrt*
E) The Teapot Dome Scandal
F) Panda chops with baby seal brain glaze
G) A big, fat kow kock


My Mouth Has Been Rode Hard and Put Away Wet

Fweeew! What a day for my mouth. It's sure been busy. What's in there now, you think?

A) A ping-pong ball, shot from the talented snatch of a waifish but hirsute Filipino stripper
B) Champagne sipped from the acne scars dotting Cameron Diaz's face
C) Eyelashes
D) A marmite-smeared plaster cast of Queen Elizabeth's pudendal sphincter, to be used for my solitary pleasure
E) Blood and souls for my Lord Arioch
F) Jacket potatoes, all crisp on the outside and light and fluffy on the inside
G) A teensy-weensy little peepee

Saddle up for a new, exciting edition of GWiMMRN!

Hmmmm, dawgies! Whatta we got in thay-ar this tahme?

A) Wilhemina's dead cat, its fur matted with the hot, MSG-laden sperm of a Korean Teacher's Assistant in Chemistry 101
B) Tiny bits of ass-skin clinging to a Home Depot toilet seat
C) Hufu
D) A Craftmatic Adjustable Living Bed
E) Uncooked chicken skin
F) A big, fat, Korean kock

Yee-Haw! Mouth My Thursday!

Buckeroos! Saddle up! Git up on them bicuspids and ride through the labials! There's an uvula on the horizon!

Woah! Hey there! Looks like somethings in them thar mouth! What could it be?

A) Larry "Bud" Melman, every mother-lovin' inch of him.
B) Pop-tarts.
C) Re-tarts.
D) Oreos.
E) Octopi inks.
F) Big, fat cocks inks.

Write 'em down and send 'em in, pard-ners!



I just LOST ALL OF IT after reading another rejection letter!

Just look at those chunks!

Ahhhh... to heck with it. I'm stuffing everything back in my mouth. Guess which three are in my mouth right now.

Go on! Quickly now! The mailman's coming with more disappointment!

A Three-Fer on the Third Day of the Week!

Which three things are in my mouth right now? Guess quickly!

A) Geena Davis's capacious cornhole, repurposed as a tea cozy
B) The word "repurposed"
C) The warm feeling I'll get when people find this website after doing a Google search on "Geena Davis" and "cornhole"
D) Bubblegum chewed in a moist rectum not belonging to Geena Davis
E) An ear wax-smeared peach pit from a peach not eaten by me or Geena Davis
F) The little fat guy from the Ditech commercials repurposed as a Tyrannosaurus Rex's condom
G) The end result of Sharon Osbourne's latest bulimic binge
H) Ore-Ida Zesty Fries
I) A big fat dead man's cock in honor of El Dia De Los Muertos

My Mouth is Something to Stuff Stuff In

Happy hump day! Getting over the hump of the week, you humpy hippos you? Welly, welly, I've got the most things to stuff in my gaping maw. Wanna see, Aunt Francine Hollingsworth, you fish and chip sucking dried out old bag?

A) Hippo poop.
B) Geena Davis' aged but still fun to look at TATA's.
C) A premium cornhole bag stolen from a recent American Cornhole Association game.
D) Chickenfeed, or what they pay me.
E) A full Senate investigation of this absurd and morally degrading website.
F) A big, fat cock.

You Know What Day It Is...

Iiiiiiiiit's Wednesday! The day where I put something in my mouth! What's in there this time?

A) Martha Stewart's varicose veins in between my bicuspids
B) A Monte Cristo sandwich found under Jeffrey Dahmer's fridge
C) A vomited-up ketchup and mustard homeless hoagie, cold diarrhea, Listerine, and urine multitask EXTRAVAGANZA all over a faerie princess
D) My mother's disappointment in me that my sick hobby is plastered all over the internet like a wad of weasel spooge
E) The aforementioned wad of weasel spooge
F) The weasel that spooged, sans spooge
G) A cafe mocha
H) A Slack's Hoagie Shack Whack of the Back of the Cack


I Not Only Eat Faggots, But OTHER Things, as Well...

Faggot eating is AWESOME! Nothing like a good hot faggot on a chilly autumn afternoon. Reminds me of Nigel's stories of eating his Auntie Frannie. And Welsh rarebit. And Welsh rabbit penises. So, anyway, in addition to phaggits, what else have I got in my mouth? I mean, right now?

A) A Solar-Powered Super SIN-FLUTE
B) Mr. Brain's brains, faggoty or otherwise
C) A homeless man's wine-laced diarrhea, Listerine, and urine multitask spectacular all over the pavement
D) Anna Nicole Smith's armpit, slathered in just enough baby oil to facilitate my pleasure
E) A Baby Ruth candy bar mostly submerged in a bowl of custard (I'll let you guess what KIND of custard)
F) The aforementioned Applebee's moist towelette, now re-repurposed after its business with Jessica Alba's starfish to swab the delicate, puckery skin near Sarah Beeny's taint
G) A big, fat coq au vin

Faggot Family Recommends Mr. Brain's Brand for MY MOUTH

Take a look at this adoring family...

Yes, the Doody family has Mr. Brain's Faggots on the brain! Although, you can't find them on-line anymore, guess which kind are in my mouth right now!

A) Extra porky.
B) Spicy.
C) Atkins reduced fat.
D) Cream sauce.
E) Big, fat.

Holy Molars! Post-Halloween GWiMMRN Edition

Breaking your teeth on Halloween candy? Find something unexpectedly warm and salty in your do-nuts?

Hey! It's the HOLIDAY SEASON already here at GWiMMRN! What's IN there?

A) The Monster Mash.
B) A long, snakey nose hair linking my nose to my mouth.
C) A long, snakey nose hair, not mine.
D) Santa Claus's Turkey Baster.
E) Flouncy, bouncy, saggy, baggy pinguin donut balls.
F) A big, fat cock-le-doodle-doo.

Don't forget all the trimmings!


Ghosts and Goblins AREN'T in My Mouth...

But what is?

A) Bonnie Bedelia's love-child, unwittingly conceived upon her by Michael Jackson's mucuous-covered sucker ghost
B) A dozen Nahidmobarekeh-style dough-nuts, each filled with a delicious con-cock-tion of man-custard, bananas, and store-brand mustard
C) Cow-chips Ahoy! cookies
D) Caramel apples dipped in crushed peanuts
E) Dismay that my baked goods aren't selling as well as I'd hoped, I mean, those dough-nuts took effort, and I'd appreciate some fucking consideration already
F) A big fat cock covered in jujubes for the holiday

Trick or Treat? Guess What's in My Mouth Right Now!

Is it a treat... or a trick? GWiMMRN!

A) Roly poly fish heads.
B) Candy Corn Omelet with Creme Fish Sauce Broulee.
C) The bald head of Michael Berryman.
D) A sexy corrections officer costume, complete with vinyl hat and plastic billy club.
E) A vague sense of agitation.
F) A definite sense of agitation.
G) A big, fat cock costume.

Note! Don't wear Letter G to any middle school functions! It MAY be interpreted as sexual harassment!

Everyone Will Have a Happy Halloween IN MY MOUTH

My mouth celebrates holidays like Halloween, believe it or not. What's in there doing the celebrating right now?

A) Bananas in custard
B) Bananas in man-custard
C) A urine-moistened Koran
D) Horehound candy for all the little ones
E) Slices of hot dog cake for all the little ones
F) Doughnuts for all the little ones
G) A big, fat cock for all the little ones


I Eat DEAD PEOPLE, Pre-Halloween GWIMMRN Edition

I have a Sixth Sense that My Mouth has something in it!

Yoo hoo! I'm talking to YOU-HOO!

Before you go out on Halloween, see what tricks and treats I got in my mouf!

A) Bruce Willis' boiling fucking anger.
B) Bonnie Bedelia, because SHE DID IT.
C) A snot-filled Kleenex ghost with mucous for ectoplasm.
D) A sucker ghost with Michael Jackson's penis instead of a lollipop.
E) A used condom from the backseat of a 1975 Ford Escort GL.
F) Everlasting shame.
G) Everlasting big, fat cock.

I'm Putting Things in My Mouth on Sunday!

Putting something new in there today! What, oh what might it be...

A) A ketchup and mustard homeless hoagie with bouncy, flouncy otter balls
B) Cat shit potstickers (steamed)
C) A Halls Mentho-Lyptus cough drop, honey-lemon flavor
D) Peach pit pie
E) A cupcake from the local elementary school's bake sale, hot dog flavored
F) Two curling irons covered in Vaseline
G) A big, fat...COCK