Welcome to "Suck It" Saturdays

If it's Saturday, you have to "suck it."


A) A freshly-lacquered toenail, not mine
B) A pancake breakfast
C) That shit you had to take but couldn't because you didn't want to go in the airplane toilet so you let it sit there and prairie dogged it for the whole flight until it got all sharp and jagged and ripped up your asshole a little when you finally got home and delivered it
D) A slightly bloody wad of toilet tissue
E) Three used dog beds, covered in hairy clumps
F) Things, succulent little things
G) The round, glistening face of the hefty Latina girl who works at the Sbarro's in the food court at the mall
H) A big, fat qoq


Welcome to "Suck It" Fridays

If it's Friday, you have to "suck it."


A) Jack Ryan's strangled cry of, "How dare you, sir?!"
B) What Monica tore into two pieces
C) The "Da Vinci Choad," based on the bestselling thriller about a couple of people following the clues to where the Sacred Penis of O.L.A.S.J.H.C. can be found by examining Leonardo Da Vinci's famous sculpture, "The Last Dumper."
D) A Montecristo Platinum cigar
E) Pad Thai with plenty of bean sprouts and lime wedges
F) The guy in the Reesees Piecees shirt
G) Jack Ryan's big, strangled cock


Welcome to "Suck It" Thursdays

If it's Thursday, you have to "suck it."


A) 70,000 Coors Light cans.
B) Yellow squash, which is on sale.
C) Cage free chickens.
D) Mărţişor, found between the breasts of this model.
E) Your horribly abused anus that is so horribly abused I can't bring myself to think of how horribly abused it is.
F) Kevin Spacey's sanctimony.
G) IT.
H) A big, fat IT.

UPDATE: The answer may now be I) The uncanny resemblance between a monkey that talks in sentences and Jimmy Durante:


Welcome to "Suck It" Wednesdays

If it's Wednesday, you have to "suck it."


A) All my hard work finally paying off.
B) Eva Longoria's nipples of indeterminant ethnicity.
C) Dirt, retrieved from under the carpet.
D) Dog poop, retrieved from under the shar-pei.
E) A questionable obsession with Steel Magnolias.
F) The truth behind my obsession with Steel Magnolias.
G) A lean, mean cock.

UPDATE: The answer may now be H) A freshly wibbled knob.


Welcome to "Suck It" Tuesdays

If it's Tuesday, you have to "suck it."


A) The RAZR that was originally in Paris Hilton's pooper shooter.
B) A gorgeous black strapless dress with matching hand-bag and shoes.
C) The long, brown log I left in the handicap stall of the executive washroom.
D) The spider that made it's "nest" in the corner of the handicap stall, stretching from the toilet to the wall.
E) The itsy bitsy spider crawling up the water spout.
F) My local U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services office, down to the last carpet fibre.
G) A pot, to piss in.
H) The Great Wall of Mexico.
I) The Great Big Fat Cock.


Welcome to "Suck It" Mondays

If it's Monday, you have to "suck it."


A) Scary pig noises.
B) An unflappable hooter.
C) Hooters, very flappable.
E) A pink neopolitan wedding cake shat straight from the colon of Martha Stewart.
F) A large, ridiculous wedding.
G) A large, ridiculous, big, fat cock.