GWiMMRN, Suckin' Onna Puppy Pussy Edition

Like Santa Claus, I'm watching you all the time. Unlike him, I don't give a sweet fuck if you've been good or not. All I care about is if you've been focusing. FOCUS on my mouth. FOCUS. All properly FOCUSED? Excellent. Now guess what's in my mouth right now:

A) A Weapon of Mass Erection
B) Digital artifacts
C) Puppy pussy
D) A really, really hot slice of strawberry pie
E) Doodly-squat
F) A really, really good slice of hot dog cake
G) Dandruff
H) That really hysterically funny joke where you ask a guy what the capital of Thailand is, and before he has a chance to answer, you bugle, "BANG-COCK!" and punch him very hard in the dick
I) A big, fat [bang]cock


And 1!

Don't just sit there, GUESS SOMETHING!

A) A whey-faced 'tard.
B) A rationalization that I maintain this website for the good of humanity.
C) The grape-juice induced poop sluice.
D) A Kaopectate resistant strain of diarrhea, not mine.
E) A big, fat cock.

We've Done a Full 360!

Holy fuckpuppies! Sabine Ehrenfeld has a special message for all readers of GWiMMRN!

This is a great day.


GWiMMRN, Watermellon Bubblisious (sic) Edition

Hello, my little pork chops! It's time to guess what's in my mouth right now:

A) A GIGANTIC pack of Watermellon Bubblisious (sic) next to a pile of blue shits (sick) I took after eating seventeen blueberry tarts
B) A big, fat cock

Choose carefully, now...the fate of the free world depends on a correct answer! Do it! DO IT! CHOOSE NOW, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!!!



Here is your re-education:


It's a nice day, so why don't you just fucking guess what's in my mouth right now, okay?

A) The stomach-twisting conflict of wanting very badly to quit my job right now, but not having another job to go to
B) A nice game of ro-sham-bo
C) An abusive, gun-toting colleague who has more temper tantrums than my 3-year-old-niece
D) The deeply disquieting fact that I'm still the only grown-up at my workplace, which would shock the living daylights out of anyone even casually glancing at this website
E) The delightful feeling I'll get when I do quit and leave the lot of them in the lurch, even if it means I take a job as a jismopper at the local peep show for $2.00/hour and all the spooge I can eat
F) The horrible idea that I've finally become that person I've dreaded becoming my entire adult life: a guy who hates his job
G) A big, fat oh, forget it

UPDATE: The answer is now most likely H) A long talk with the boss where I scared the shit out of him when I implied that I was thinking about resigning.


Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow

It'll soon be here!


A) Thick, yellow mucous, not mine.
B) Tom Tomorrow.
C) ABC's Tomorrow stories.
D) Tom Strong, that lucious hunk of man-meat.
E) Tomcat, that lucious hunk of war-machine.
F) Tom-toms.
G) Ta-ta's
H) Tomorrow's big, fat cock.


Zippity Doo-Dah

Zippity yay!


A) A wonderful day.
B) Bunny tears.
C) What Private Ryan is worth.
D) 18,700 websites for the fictional country of Slobovia.
E) 26 million websites for Tijuana.
F) An astounding 110 results for "guess what's in my mouth right now."
G) An astounding big, fat cock.


GWiMMRN, Sunday Walkies Edition

We went on a nice two-mile walk today, which gave me the opportunity to put all sorts of interesting things in my mouth. Guess what's in there right now:

A) Broken glass from a bottle of Heineken
B) What looked to me like a torn-up, knotted fry-cook's apron, but my wife insisted was a pair of UNDERPANTS
C) My admonishment to "Watch out for the DOG LOGS" as we walked down the grassy hill
D) A dog log with a footprint in it, not mine
E) The nice Hispanic man we passed on the way back who was talking on a cellphone; I had a mad urge to say to him, "Hola! Como estas, bbbrrrooooooooo?"
F) Birdies in the trees
G) A huge, slack, sloppy pussy that lay in the street and blew hot chunks of cunt-snot all over the place in-between shouting lines from Restoration Comedies
H) A big, fat you-know-what

Spring Cleaning

I've been doing some SPRING CLEANING recently. Out with the old, in with the new!


A) The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio.
B) Defiance, Ohio.
C) Defiance.
D) A randy cornholing of Geena Davis, again.
E) Julianne Moore's freckled ta-ta's.
F) Your PRIZE: A big, fat cock. BWAH HAH HA HA HA HA HAAAA!