GWiMMRN, Fuck All of You Edition

That's my sentiment; fuck all of you. I've given you over a year to focus, a year to make something of yourselves, and look at you. You're treading water. You are the same non-focusing a-holes you've always been and, I have now concluded, always will be.

You are really, really unworthy of salvation. Really unworthy.

I was going to quit in October, the anniversary of my appearance on the World Wide Web. I was like the Jesus of the Internet, coming to save your sorry asses from yourselves. My Grand Fucking Plan (MGFP) was to liberate humanity from their non-focusing ways, from their inability to pay attention -- even for one second -- to something other than whatever unimportant minutiae they currently focus on. To do so, I asked you, everyday, to GWiMMRN (Guess What's in My Mouth Right Now)...

AND YOU FAILED. You failed your Savior and you have now failed yourselves. Lazarus could only be brought back once. I can't bring you back again. I was going to give you one year, but out of the kindness of my heart, I extended your chance for Redemption.

So, this is it. Your last chance before I go on an extended HIATUS from which I may never return.

Guess. Guess what's in my mouth right now.


A) The color yellow, successfully explained to a blind man who has never, ever seen the light of day.
B) The yellow I am curious about.
C) Roy G. Biv's macrocolorspectrometer.
D) A moisty turtle-turd sandwich with pimento loaf and drizzled Choeropsis leberiensis sperm all over it.
E) Terri Schiavo's dying wish.
F) A big fat cock.


Anonymous Blind Man said...

Oh! So THAT'S what yellow looks like!

But please...

what does my penis look like?

12:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buna ziua!!

1:06 PM  
Anonymous Blind Man said...

Buna what? What the fuck are you talkin in? Chinese?

Please. Fondle my nuts and tell me what they look like.

1:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I recently learned that, at our college's Halloween
dance, members of one of the men's athletic teams
dressed up as the Duke Lacrosse team, complete with
blow-up doll on which they had, I'm told, painted
"blood" around the vagina. (They also brought
lacrosse sticks with which they swatted many of the
women's behinds.)

They were told to get rid of the doll but allowed to
stay at the dance.

My question is: Why didn't I think of that costume first?

1:49 PM  
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

merry christmas mouth .... if you never come back .... I will always remember you.

8:29 PM  
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its no 3, definitely

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

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10:05 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

someone obviously wants SPAM in your mouth.

I chose D and F.

As for not 'getting it", hey, I've always taken a shot at the question du jour.
But's it's never appreciated!
I'm the Rodney Dangerfield of normalcy around here.
So lonely.

Keep us guessing, OK?

6:02 PM  
Blogger Michele said...

ROTFL!! I clicked on A- You have a Yellow Wiggle!!

Naughty Naughty :-)

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Blogger P1P said...

Seriously. Come back and let me know WIYMRN!

I don't have time to be guessing so just tell us.

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