"GWiMMRN," "The 'Patron Saint' Speaks Out"

"Hello."

"I am Deroy Murdock, so-called 'Patron Saint' of GWiMMRN."

"I am here to tell you that I am nothing of the kind."

"This website is a horror that should never have been birthed."

"If I had the time to respond to the appalling misuse of my name and character, let alone all of the false statements attributed to me here, I would be responding right now."

"But I don't."

"And I'm not responding."

"If I were to respond, I would say one thing."

"That thing is, as you've undoubtedly guessed, is 'GROW UP'."

"At any rate, I have now taken control of this DIGUSTING excuse for a blog."

"It is now mine."

"Henceforth, it shall be a clean place."

"Not an obscene wreck."

"When I find the time out of my busy schedule, I shall post here again."

"Until then, I must insist that you GROW UP."

"So GROW UP."

"And if you don't like that, you can just gobble my ass cheeks."

"Thank you."

GWiMMRN, Man from G.R.O.W.U.P. Edition

I don't know about you, but I'm sick of being told to GROW UP. Sick of it.

Just guess what's in my mouth right now and cut it the fuck out with the life lessons:

A) The Man from G.R.O.W.U.P.
B) The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
C) The Woman from S.U.C.K.M.Y.D.I.N.G.D.O.N.G.
D) The Gormless-Looking Asian Broad from S.H.A.R.K.S.H.A.R.K.
E) The Man from T.H.E.H.O.L.I.D.A.Y.I.N.N., which I will be soon and really don't fucking want to
F) The Sick Fuck from M.U.L.T.U.M.E.S.C., which is that pussy-flavored drink that you add milk to like Ovaltine
G) The Man's Man from B.I.G.F.A.T.C.O.C.K.

Happy 4th O' July You Miserable Bee Slappers!

For my 450th post, which I timed perfectly to coincide with the 2006 July 4th celebrations, I have, in my wonderful wisdom, decided to give you yet another opportunity to guess what's in my mouth right now. Celebrate the Founding FATHERS and GWiMMRN, 1776 style:

A) David McCullough's lies and slander against our clean, reputable, and toothsome fighting patriots of 1776.
B) Melancholy.
C) Several anatomical wax models with holes in all the right places, if you follow my drift.
D) A big ol' jet airliner.
E) The Man from B.A.R.F.B.A.G.
F) A musket. Yeah, a fucking MUSKET. You got a problem with muskets?
G) A star-spangled, hot dog and hamburger wearing, saluting and jizzing big, fat American cock.

GWiMMRN, Stupefying Patriotism Pre-July 4 Edition

Sis-boom-bah. Rah. Rah. Rah. I'm the most patriotic sonofabitch you'll ever meet. Grab your red, white and blue pinwheels, hold on to your jimmy-hat and GWiMMRN:

A) Superman, AKA the Anal Bead Master of the Homoverse.
B) Neither corn nor Superman, as it turned out.
C) Illegal fireworks.
D) The eagle, which has landed.
E) Patriotic swim-wear.
F) Hot dogs.
G) A weird, untraceable smell.
H) A patriotic, pre-Fourth-of-July cock with sprinklers and red, white and blue pinwheels and frosting with ants all over it.

UPDATE: The answer may now be I) A special 4th O' July message from Deroy Murdock, "Patron Saint" of GWiMMRN:

GWiMMRN, Corn or Superman Edition

What'll it be? Corn... or Superman?

A) Corn.
B) Superman.
C) Corn.
D) Superman.
E) Corn.
F) Superman.
G) A big, corn-fed Supercock.

UPDATE: The answer could also be H) Harpers's pregger porn starring Britney Spears.

UPDATE UPDATE: