Surf My Mouth

Our long, national nightmare is about to end. GWiMMRN:

A) The night they drove old Dixie down.
B) Na na na na na na na na.
C) Grateful, wet, slobbery, semen stained kisses.
D) The guy picking his nose in line for all the world to see.
E) The dread that this guy will be a medical doctor and that he'll pick his nose with his surgical gloved hands right there in the operating room before your open heart surgery.
F) The reason why the Good Lord in His infinite wisdom gave women foreheads.
G) A big, fat cock.

UPDATE: Why is this man smiling?


Self Defense is for Losers -- "Flapflapflapflapflap"

Why? Because if you are DEFENDING, you are, by definition, LOSING.

The lesson to be learned? Strike first, strike hard, no mercy SIR!

Also, remember that there is no mouth but My Mouth. Guess:

A) Ralph "suck first, suck hard, no mercy sir" Macchio.
B) Flapflapflap.
C) The words, "Why are you here?"
D) The Gonads.
E) Precious little time left.
F) Kurt Vonnegut, who survived the bombing of Dresden by the dreaded Twatwaffles.
G) A green pen that writes in green ink.
H) A big, fat cock.

UPDATE: If you only see three "f"'s in this post, you are going to be in big, big trouble come sundown, bub.


GWiMMRN, Edition Edition

Hey, you! Yes, you. Stop tongue-fighting for the last execrescence in Kurt Vonnegut's hot, irritated ass crack with Deroy Murdock, "Patron Saint" of GWiMMRN and guess what's in my mouth right now!

A) A frozen breakfast treat made from M.U.L.T.U.M.E.S.C., which is that pussy-flavored drink that you add milk to like Ovaltine
B) Twatwaffles
C) The golden elixir often carried on buses by this semi-homeless guy that non-homeless people carry temporarily in their bladders
D) Predictable outrage and anger over disrespectful remarks
E) Shit-shampoo and a one-two fruit punch
F) Something that isn't either disgusting or intangible
G) A tasty dessert
H) A big, fat burgercock


GWiMMRN, Jam Out with Your Ham Out Edition

Remember when GWiMMRN had editions, like they were installments of a news program? Well, those days are back.

Guess what's in my mouth right now:

A) Jam.
B) Ham.
C) Jelly.
D) Pork.
E) A wee bit of constipation accompanied by some unusually hard and jagged turds.
F) That fat kid.
G) An unusually gay day.
H) Blood, for oil.
I) A big, fat ham out.



GWiMMRN, New Hire Paperwork Edition

Welcome to the Monquckey House, Mr. Vonnegut! Are you ready for your processing?

Excellent. And now, guess what's in my mouth right now:

A) A w-4, with sperm all over it.
B) Breakfast of Champions.
C) A migrant farmworker family.
D) Enough perfume to power a DC-10.
E) V... for "suck it."
F) A freshly minted big fat cock.

GWiMMRN, The 466th Post

I'm sure it's meaningful, but fucked if I know exactly why. Anyway, it's time for you to do what you were born to do: GWiMMRN:

A) The two nuggets of shit I turtled out into my shorts this morning
B) A fat kid
C) Visceral disgust at the most popular eatery on the planet
D) Something that's supposed to look tasty but ain't and I like meat and bread and cheese as much as the next man
E) That horrible fucking goopy shit they put on burgers at these fast food joints that looks like snot or semen or slime or a mixture of all three that's supposed to taste good but makes me sick to my stomach I mean what the fuck is wrong with tasting meat and bread and cheese for fuck's sake why do you have to splurt on some kind of manufactured "special sauce" which isn't special at all but just a conglomeration of nasty ingredients and chemicals that look about as appetizing as the mucus spat out of an old man's emphysema-raddled lungs
F) French fries, which I don't eat any more but miss just about every damned day
G) Fast-food stream-of-consciousness bleating
H) A tasty Hebrew National hot dog in a mass-produced hot dog bun with mustard
I) A big, fat special sauce-swathed cockteaser


GWiMMRN, Slack, Droopy ASSHOLE Edition

Good morning, sunshine!


A) Brian DePalma's latest
B) Parakeet feet
C) Secret knowledge
D) Used ben-wa balls, viciously seized from Nicole Ritchie's calloused, balding cunny
E) A parrot without a beak
F) Glistening, yellowish clots
G) Abortion Scampi
H) A big, fat monckey cock