GWiMMRN, Wonderful Things in My Mouth Edition

I'm really pleased to be able to share what's in my mouth with you today, because it's truly wonderf-




Oh, God.

Sorry.

GWiMMRN, Yellow Sticky Edition

Remember when GWiMMRN used to have oh never mind. Just GWiMMRN:

A) A yellow sticky.
B) A Post-It with the words "Suck It. :)" written on it and appended to a comic book.
C) A Post-It note with the words, "DRINK SPOOCH" on it.
D) A spit soaked SpongeBob SquarePants cake.
E) A spit soaked big, fat cock.

UPDATE: The answer is definitely not F) The probability that Jordan's problems stem from her ex-boyfriend's confused sexual orientation.

GWiMMRN, TGIGWiMMRNF Friday GWiMMRN Redundancy Edition

Despite the rising rate of Dairy Potential, let's not start sucking each other's dicks just yet, okay? You're not out of the woods. So, guess what's in my mouth right now:

A) A used band-aid, not mine
B) Reciproshity
C) A chocodile, mine
D) That time I stepped on a used condom under the overpass and it made a low, popping squish that sprayed a mixture of spermicide, semen, and blood all over my ankle
E) A pain reliever
F) A big, fat CoCK

UPDATE: The answer might now be G) A special message from V:

GWiMMRN, The Spermarang Edition

What, it never happened to you?

GWiMMRN:

A) Chawklit Cake.
B) Footsteps. Always footsteps. Coming closer.
C) And closer.
D) And even closer.
E) Prying eyes and loose lips.
F) SURVEILLANCE.
G) A big, fat cock.

Thursday USB Port/Ding-Dong Connection Edition of GWiMMRN

I'm pleased to note that there's been a great increase in overall Dairy Potential for certain readers of this website. However, FOCUSING is at an all-time low. FOCUS. On WHAT's. In MY MOUTH. Get it?

A) The pinkish, twelve-testicled scrotum of the alien mascot for Quisp cereal
B) IDS: Inflamed Dingleberry Syndrome, caused by tossing the salad of a particularly SHITTY ASSHOLE
C) All of Katie Couric's slack skin
D) The shocking words written in steam on the bathroom mirror: "I AM THE HAND THAT ROCKS YOUR CRADLE"
E) Fried bananas, not mine
F) A bit o' TUNA
G) A Bit-O-Honey
H) A bit o' big, fat cock

UPDATE: Whoops!

My USB Port is Like a Mouth for World Wide Web Ding-Dongs

Some say Looooove, it IS a riiiivvvverrrrr...

GWiMMRN:

A) The itty bitty titty committee; all of them.
B) The greatest band that ever left New Jersey; Stiffy Stiff and the Bayonnets
C) A hard charger.
D) Matt Lauer's protest shaving of his adorable little stubble hairs due to Katie Couric leaving the Today Show.
E) Ding Dongs.
F) Ho-Hoes.
G) Hee-hees.
H) There's nothing funny about a big, fat cock.

UPDATE: The answer may now be I) The fact that Jordan probably doesn't read GWiMMRN, considering her latest comment, "i don't like being made a fool of."

Your Mouth Is Like a USB Port for my DING-DONG

YOUR mouth doesn't enter into this. It's MY mouth that's important. Let's make that perfectly clear. Guess, now, what's in MY mouth, not yours:

A) The song, "Don't stop thinking about my penis...don't stop...it'll soon be here. It'll be here, bigger than before..."
B) A Klein bottle
C) The words, "Enough with the CAT SHIT already."
D) A smiling Cheshire cat
E) A slice of birthday cake liberally spattered with Aunt Ginny's hot yellow mucus after she simultaneously sneezed and farted when blowing out the candles
F) A dish of vanilla ice cream sprinkled with something indescribable after Cousin Bertrice accidentally queefed in the freezer
G) Bacon
H) Beans
I) A big, fat cock

My Mouth is Like a USB Port for the World Wide Web

There's no doubt!

GWiMMRN:

A) Bigguns.
B) Protein laced fly paper.
C) Impending doom.
D) A mouth-watering dish.
E) A Chinese fire drill.
F) The latest single from Hand Job Willie and the Two-Timin' Bitches.
G) Tectonic plates.
H) Teutonic plates.
I) A big, fat cock.

CAT SHIT-Free Tuesday Edition of GWiMMRN

There will be no further mention of CAT SHIT anywhere on this website. We're on to other and better things. So, guess what's in mymouthright now:

C) The Man from C.A.T.S.H.I.T.
A) A colon filled with CAT SHIT
T) A common phrase about CAT SHIT
S) A comic book about CAT SHIT
H) A sign warning people about CAT SHIT
I) Dessert that looks like CAT SHIT
T) A big, fat CAT SHIT-covered cock

UPDATE: CAT SHIT

The Password Is...

Alright folks! It's time to GWiMMRN! The following are HINTS as to what is currently in my mouth right now. Piece together the clues and write the answer on your computer screen using a BLACK PERMANENT INK MARKER. Make sure your write it really, really large so that I can read it from far away. OK?

GWiMMRN:

A) Eye-watering.
B) Sonic boom.
C) Answers the question, "Did someone step in cat shit?"
D) Civil inattention.
E) Was recently cast outside a movie theatre.
F) Was released in a crowd so it would be impossible to identify the perpetrator (or "perp").
G) Necessitated a change in shorts.
H) Is not a big, fat cock.

Write your answer here: ____________________________________________

UPDATE: The answer is not I) JORDAN'S latest crush, which you just KNOW will end in a Cleveland Steamer.

GWiMMRN, Spanking the Owl on Monday Edition

When you see an owl, spank it. If you should meet the Buddha on the road, rape him. That's right: ride that fat fuck like he was Ned Beatty in a pig costume. "Weeee, weeee!" *ungh ungh ungh* "Weee, weee!"

None of this has anything to do with guessing what's in my mouth right now. That whole preamble was a test to see if you were FOCUSING. FOCUS. MY MOUTH. CAPITAL LETTERS. Guess:

A) A freshly-spanked owl
B) Sheppy's twin brother
C) A momentary obsession with a life-giving substance
D) The crumbs from Thursday's lunch that the cleaning crew neglected to brush off of my desk
E) Nutella
F) The spooge from President Clinton's blowjob that Monica "Dinglechomper" Lewinsky neglected to wash out of her dress
G) The fervent hope that this website comes up at #1 when people do Google searches on CAT SHIT
H) A CAT SHIT cookie cutter
I) The words, "Dogs like to eat cat shit."
J) The FACT that cats DON'T like to eat DOG SHIT
K) A big, fat, neglected cock

GWiMMRN, Puppy Smuggling Edition

What kind of sick fuck smuggles baby dogs across the Mexican border, knowing that the dog babies are sick, sells them to families looking for pure breed dogs, knowing that these dogs will probably die in a week, crushing the souls of the families?

THE PUPPY SMUGGLERS. THAT'S WHO.

But, you have to admit, puppy smuggling is the cutest name for a heinous crime you've ever heard.

GWiMMRN:

A) The New Dr. Who.
B) A suburban family who are too pretentious to get a mutt from the local animal shelter, preferring to buy puppies locked in suitcase from the criminal down the street.
C) The CNN report on puppy smuggling, where the reporter, who knows that the little boy's puppy died because his parents bought it from some dude selling puppies out of a suitcase down the street, asks the little boy, "Little boy, what happened to your puppy?"
D) The tears the little boy shed upon hearing the question.
E) My uproarious laughter.
F) The film Inside Man, which is alright, I guess, sorta.
G) A big, fat puppy smuggled cock.