2/14/06

Have a Happy St. Valentine's Day...IN MY MOUTH

I love St. Valentine's day, because I get to put every kind of flower and candy and sex toy I can find into my ever-loving mouth. It's awesome. I LOVE IT.

LOVE IT.

LOVE.

IT.

gwImmrn:

A) Complaints about my treatment
B) The Haitian Love Treatment, in honor of the holiday and despite the fact that there's little love at all in getting the splintery handle end of a toilet plunger rammed up your poop-chute
C) A romantic dinner just for two
D) A pirpel tirtel penis
E) All 6,260,000 RELEVANT TRADE MAGAZINES with the pages stuck together
F) Urine and Listerine multitask spectacular balloons, warmed up real nice in the microwave and ready to throw at the newlyweds
G) A ketchup and mustard homeless hoagie with the extra-added bonus of sliced orangutan penises
H) A big, fat cock in a box of chocolates, 'cause you never know what you're gonna get

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

If there's a BFC in your chocolates, you know damn well what you're going to get.

8:20 AM  
Anonymous A. Louima said...

I need a towel. I spilled my "cocoa" again when I read Letter B.

8:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've since moved to ACT. It tastes better and it makes a better color of blue in the toilet when mixed with urine. Make sure you take a multivitamin and have it sit in the ol' bladder for a few hours before doing it. Then, you get this thick, canary yellow urine. It's quite spectacular.

8:23 AM  
Anonymous A. Canary said...

I RESENT THE IMPLICATIONS!

*tweet tweet*

9:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Abner, what'd you say when they rammed the plunger in?

9:34 AM  
Anonymous A. Louima said...

I'M GOING TO DISNEYWORLD!

10:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heard it was "Ohhhhhhh, boy."

10:57 AM  
Anonymous A. Canary said...

By the way, I don't know about humans, but we birds don't stuff multivitamins up our dicks so they can dissolve in the bladder.

Sicko.

*tweet tweet*

10:58 AM  

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