2/16/06

Maybe I Was a Little Hard on You All...

But it's only because I know you can do better. Say it with me: "I CAN. I-" Oh, never fucking mind. Dealing with you people is like trying to corral seventeen chimpanzees all trying to fuck the same football at once. Just GWiMMRN:

A) Sheryl Crow's tiny, sweaty, squinchy tits
B) Lance Armstrong's horribly swollen nutsack
C) Lance and Sheryl's swollen, squinchy breakup
D) The fountain pen Armstrong's doctor undoubtedly used on Lance's horribly swollen left nut, popping it to "let some of the fluid out"
E) Lance Armstrong Livestrong Ballsack Fluid Pops
F) The nut cancer I will undoubtedly contract as a result of mocking someone who actually had nut cancer
G) *pop* *SQWOOOOOSH* "OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" "Sorry, Lance. heeheeheeheeheehee!"
H) A big, fat, noncancerous cock

UPDATE: heeheeheeheeheehee!

9 Comments:

Anonymous A. Hepburn said...

Yeah, that cancer stuff isn't funny.

12:52 PM  
Anonymous Frances said...

Oh, I'd have liked another tour or two.

Big swollen nuts or not.

12:52 PM  
Anonymous Lance Armstrong's Nuts said...

Thank goodness he retired. We couldn't take many more Tours des Frances.

12:52 PM  
Anonymous Frances said...

Once again, I have bent space and time, and have posted my comment before Lance's testicles!

12:53 PM  
Anonymous Chimpanzee said...

I am offended. We fuck footballs in a quiet, orderly manner, no matter how many of us are attempting it. I am reporting your website to the ZOO.

I also like bananas, BUT THAT IS NOT BECAUSE I'M A WALKING, SHIT-HURLING STEREOTYPE.

You monkeyist.

I'll show YOU the monkey. Hah!

12:54 PM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

Which ZOO will you report me to, you shambling, shit-hurling STEREOTYPE?

Here's a banana, CHIMP.

1:39 PM  
Anonymous Chimpanzee said...

OOO! OOO! That's IT! You make me sooo mad! I will report you to the zoo-keeper!

But first, a banana.

2:10 PM  
Blogger Philosopher Newport said...

i would love to join this tag-team adventure in tomfoolery but frankly i'm feelin a bit too serious today. anyone ever notice that the last choice in GWIMM is usually a cock of some sort? i doubt your wife knows about this sordid little word-hole blog and its obsession with cocks in the mouth...i think i'm gonna have to phone her and have a little chat...sorry about that but you've done did wrong...and i'll probably have to talk about that pre-op tranny you call "lola", too...I NEED LOVE AND ATTENTION AND ADORATION and when i don't get it i get mean & nasty and make hell for the lives of others!! GET OUT OF MY WAY!!

7:10 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

You're not the first person who's complained about the last choice, and you likely won't be the last.

The point is that it's a POSSIBILITY. It may be in there, it may not. With all the various people, places, items, concepts, and thoughts I place in my mouth at any given time, it would be highly unusual, even terribly unlikely if a big, fat cock DIDN'T end up in there.

What's certain is that you're not FOCUSING. FOCUS. FOCUS ON MY MOUTH. People who FOCUS on my mouth don't have time to ask me stupid fucking questions that have already been asked before.

For the record, it's GWiMMRN, not GWiMM, or GW, or any other combination of letters. This acronym was chosen very carefully.

Thanks for writing. FOCUS.

7:24 AM  

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