8/21/06

GWiMMRN, New Hire Paperwork Edition

Welcome to the Monquckey House, Mr. Vonnegut! Are you ready for your processing?

Excellent. And now, guess what's in my mouth right now:

A) A w-4, with sperm all over it.
B) Breakfast of Champions.
C) A migrant farmworker family.
D) Enough perfume to power a DC-10.
E) V... for "suck it."
F) A freshly minted big fat cock.

13 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't like monquckeys.

I hope that doesn't hurt your feelings.

10:02 AM  
Anonymous IRS Agent said...

Okay, Mr. Smith, let's see your records-

Oh. There seems to be some kind of...

Oh my GOD.

Is this...did you...

Oh my LORD!

Did you really...EJACULATE on your W-2, Mr. Smith?

*tp* *tp*

Tastes like you've got a low sperm count, sir. Obviously, you can't have as many dependents as you're claiming. Prepare for an audit.

I love my job.

10:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a lot of perfume.

I'm sure that the plane smells nice.

Yeah.

Well, heh heh. Guess I'll catch you later.

Heh.

10:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm still sort of disquieted at the whole "Suck It. :)" thing.

It's not something you're generally prepared to experience when reading a graphic novel.

Now, every time I try to read a book, I experience a sick sense of anxiety upon the turning of each page, wondering if I'm going to get another "secret message" from V.

10:11 AM  
Anonymous Kurt Vonnegut said...

Predictably, I'm writing to express my outrage...

Oh, just forget it.

You don't care. Nobody cares.

Some sick fuck drags my good name through the muck of this disgusting website, and NOBODY CARES.

Well, I'm going to do something about it.

Just as soon as Deroy Murdock, "Patron Saint" of GWiMMRN gets finished tongue-bathing my hot, irritated ass crack.

10:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"*tp* *tp*

Tastes like you've got a low sperm count, sir. Obviously, you can't have as many dependents as you're claiming. Prepare for an audit."

... maybe the most DISGUSTING thing ever written on a website anywhere.

10:47 AM  
Anonymous KV's hot, irritated ass crack said...

Make sure you slather up real good, there, Deroy. We're on a first name basis now that you've got intimate with my old, stinky nether-regions.

Yeah, you'll find that the more saliva you produce, the better this will taste.

Just like the special suaces they got there at McDonald's.

10:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I'm going to vomit.

12:03 PM  
Anonymous Deroy Murdock, "Patron Saint" of GWiMMRN said...

"Ahem."

"It's been brought to my attention that yet another sickening, scurrilous accusation has been made about me on this website."

"Before addressing it, I would like everyone to know that I don't have time to respond to all of these false statements, as I have communicated here dozens of times."

"Despite that, I decided to help you all along in your quest to do what I have told you to do dozens upon dozens of times."

"That thing, the thing that I have told you to do, is encapsulated in two very simple, monosyllabic words."

"It is, simply:"

"GROW UP."

"Now, to address the more immediate issue."

"At no point has my tongue been anywhere near the rectal regions of Kurt Vonnegut's person."

"Never."

"Not once."

"I am, however, very familiar with the 'special sauce' glopped lovingly on the delectable treat known as the 'Big Mac.'"

"As such, I highly doubt that a mixture of my saliva and the execrescences plaguing Mr. Vonnegut's anus would result in as tasty a concoction as has been claimed."

"At any rate, my time is up."

"But you seem to have a lot of time."

"Time to make false accusations about my tongue and an old man's asshole."

"Perhaps you might set some time aside to GROW UP."

"Just GROW right the fuck UP."

"Okay."

"Thank you."

"Oh, one last thing."

"GROW UP."

"Hee hee."

":)"

12:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're one sick fuck, Deroy, for tonguing the... whatdidjacallit? "Execrescences?"

I don't even know how to prnounce such a word and I'm sickened to my very core.

If anyone needs growing up, it's Kurt Vonnegut.

I'll tell you what.

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's my understanding that Deroy's autobiography will be titled, "My Tongue and an Old Man's Asshole: GROW UP."

It's what I heard, anyway.

12:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Outside from where I work there's a flyer posted that advertises a rock concerted and says, "Jam out with your ham out."

I don't know what kind of sick maniac would write that up and post it for people to see.

True story.

2:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Obviously, Kurt Vonnegut did it.

He wants further oral/anal attention from sickos like Deroy Murdock, "Patron Saint" of GWiMMRN.

3:29 PM  

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