9/7/06

GWiMMRN, Health Club Edition

If you don't have your health, you at least have my mouth. Guess what's in it:

A) An elliptical trainer
B) The vaguely uneasy feeling that the ellipticals should only be used by women, bolstered by the fact that I rarely if ever see any other men working out on them
C) The falsies and sports bra I now wear to counteract that uneasy feeling
D) The difficulty inherent in looking at the well-toned ass of the girl running furiously on the treadmill directly in front of me without my wife on the elliptical nearby knowing
E) A bouncing ponytail, which for some weird reason excites my prey drive and makes me want to grab it and smash its owner's face into the digital display of the treadmill which is a pretty bad thing because of the number of women at the club who put their hair up in ponytails like that
F) The fat old fuck who doesn't wipe off the machine after he's done with it, making the rest of us act as his de facto sweatmopper
G) The magazine owned by the woman in front of me walking at a quaalude-stricken turtle's pace that had the picture of a gigantic burger on the cover with the word "GROUND BEEF" superimposed on it
H) A big, fat, toned cock with a little sweatband on it

4 Comments:

Anonymous The Dog Who Does Not Know How to Take a Shit said...

To Whom It May Concern:

I have a quiz scheduled at my Fecal Academy on Defecating 101.

Unfortunately, I haven't studied very well, or done the readings.

Can anyone here give me a "cheat shit"- er, "cheat sheet" on this quiz?

Thanks in advance,

The Dog Who Does Not Know How to Take a Shit

9:26 AM  
Anonymous Allan Bloom said...

I find it quite disheartening that the even though T.D.W.D.N.K.H.T.T.A.S. knows that he has a problem and needs to go to school for something just about every dog in the world knows how to do (hence, the expression) didn't even bother to STUDY for his quiz, let alone do the readings of which, I am sure, he had plenty of time to read.

I feel that this is irresponsible. What happened to personal responsibility in this cuntry? It must have been flushed like a used tampon down a public toilet sometime during the Clinton Administration.

7:13 AM  
Anonymous Woman walking at a quaalude-stricken turtle's pace said...

But... but I'm HUNGRY.

7:15 AM  
Anonymous Fat Old Fuck said...

G'on. Mop my sweat, mutherfuckers.

You deserve it.

HAW HAW HAW.

7:16 AM  

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