7/4/06

Happy 4th O' July You Miserable Bee Slappers!

For my 450th post, which I timed perfectly to coincide with the 2006 July 4th celebrations, I have, in my wonderful wisdom, decided to give you yet another opportunity to guess what's in my mouth right now. Celebrate the Founding FATHERS and GWiMMRN, 1776 style:

A) David McCullough's lies and slander against our clean, reputable, and toothsome fighting patriots of 1776.
B) Melancholy.
C) Several anatomical wax models with holes in all the right places, if you follow my drift.
D) A big ol' jet airliner.
E) The Man from B.A.R.F.B.A.G.
F) A musket. Yeah, a fucking MUSKET. You got a problem with muskets?
G) A star-spangled, hot dog and hamburger wearing, saluting and jizzing big, fat American cock.

11 Comments:

Anonymous Benjamin Franklin, Cockgobbling Fagito said...

I appreciate your taking time out of your busy schedule to celebrate the founding of this great country.

:)...

8:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

By the way, I totally don't follow your drift.

I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.

8:16 AM  
Anonymous Guy with Patriotic Cock said...

the ants

ow

the ants are still biting me

ow ow

please help

and get the burger off my balls

ouch

8:19 AM  
Anonymous The Man from B.A.R.F.B.A.G. said...

*BBBLOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRPPPPPPP*

8:53 AM  
Anonymous Star Jones Reynolds, Talking to Larry King said...

Larry, I would like to take a moment to address the comment from the Man from B.A.R.F.B.A.G.

I just wanted to say that it is so typical that he would comment with *BBBLOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRPPPPPPP*

What else could we expect? What else do other Men from B.A.R.F.B.A.G. do but throw-up all the time?

What I didn't appreciate, and as you well know, Larry, what the press failed to report is that the Man from B.A.R.F.B.A.G. also made a reference to my looks, saying, and I quote: "I puke a lot but at least I am not a horse testicle like Star Jones."

Why would this Man attack me? I don't know him, Larry. I never met him. Yet, here we are, celebrating our cuntry's birth, and I must withstand another attack from a person whom I don't even know.

I may have to undergo another medical intervention just to recover from this.

9:33 AM  
Anonymous Hot Carl said...

Hey, uh, if you're not going to eat that burger, I'd sure like to have it.

It looks like one of those 6 dollar chili cheese burgers they got at Hot Carl Jr.'s. It looks like they put on extra mustard.

MMM. MMMMM.

9:38 AM  
Anonymous The Man from B.A.R.F.B.A.G., also talking to Larry King on Larry King Live! said...

*BBBLOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRPPPPPPP*

I may not know much, but Larry, I know that Star Jones-Reynolds bears a very suspicious resemblance to a pair of shriveled horse testicles.

*BBBLLLLLLLOOOOOOORRRRRRRRPPPPPPP*

Has anyone seen Star and a set of horse balls next to each other? I have. It's like trying to tell the Bobbsey Twins apart.

*BBBLLORRRPPPPPPPPP*

*kaf* *kaf*

*SSSSPPPPPPPPPEEEEEWWWWWWWWW*

I'm not the only one, Larry.

*BBBLOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRPPPPPPP*

10:43 AM  
Anonymous A. Miserable Bee said...

ow

don't

don't slap me any more

please

ow owow

10:44 AM  
Anonymous The Bobbsey Twins said...

Predictably, we're outraged at the Man from B.A.R.F.B.A.G.'s insensitivity and lack of uncelebratory feelings to our diversity.

We are NOT like two horse testicles standing next to each other where only an expert can tell us apart.

Perhaps the Man from B.A.R.F.B.A.G. should be the Man from G.R.O.W.U.P.

10:49 AM  
Anonymous Helmut Kohl said...

Ja! Eet ees Helmut Kohl here! I refuse to be linked to some fake website already, so here I am to remind you to aufwachsen, emporwachsen, großziehen, unt heranwachsen!

Grow ahp!

Dankeschön.

11:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I actually do have a big problem with muskets.

BFP.

BIG.

FUCKING.

PROBLEM.

REALLY.

BIG.

12:29 PM  

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