9/27/06

GWiMMRN, Shit for the Shit-Asses Edition

Yes, I'm re-using an old joke. Don't like it?

FUCK YOU.

Okay? FUCK YOU.

FUCK YOU.

Just shut the fuck up already and guess what's in my fucking mouth right now, you little fucking ASSHOLES.

A) Hotgag, which is a new soup from Campbell's
B) The secret recipe for Hotgag, which I'm not at liberty to describe, but can tell you includes a gone-over tuna casserole; an ounce of brine shrimp testes; and Larry "Bud" Melman's thick, glutinous semen
C) A feather duster
D) A French Maid (ohhhhh *spppppurrrrtttt!!*)
E) ungh ungh ungh WHATSTHEMATTERWITHME *sssssspprrrtttt*
F) don'tlookatthisoneshesallmine ohhh *sppurrtt!!!!!*
G) A penis-flavored cupcake
H) An occipital lobe
I) A big, fat cockeroooooooooooooo

19 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

That right breast in letter E is... is... it's LOOKING AT ME.

8:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

See? It's letter D that blows the whole sexy french maid stereotype out of the water.

Or, should I say... PERRIER!

HAW HAW HAW

HYUCK HYUCK HYCUK

and so on.

8:20 AM  
Anonymous Hotgag said...

It's warm going down...

AND up!

Ha ha!

8:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how would u kno what a penis cupcake tastes like unless u tasted penis ha ha hotgag.

8:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi.

I have a doomsday machine in my pants. Would anybody like to reach in there and activate it?

You have to manipulate the joystick while fondling the knobs. Then, the secretions come out. Then, the doomsday device would activate.

Let me know. Thanx.

8:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but you seem more like a sick fuck who wants an anonymous handjob than someone who really has a doomsday machine in his pants.

And even if you did have a doomsday machine in your pants, instead of an erect penis, I wouldn't want to activate it, because I love life as Our Lord And Saviour Jesus H. Christ tells us to.

9:37 AM  
Anonymous The Right Breast in Letter E said...

At least I don't look like Eugene's cat's furry testicles, which have been compared to gray orbs.

In addition, I'm also glad that as bad as I look now, I don't look like Star Jones Reynolds, who has been unfavorably compared to a shriveled horse testicle in the past.

In fact, I think I look pretty good.

And I'm looking RIGHT AT YOU.

Now, count how many "F's" are in this statement:

ffffffffffffuckffffffface

9:40 AM  
Anonymous The Fat Kid's Younger Brother said...

Hello.

I've been fairly patient about my dessert up until now. I'm owed seventy-seven hot, fresh apple pies, and I have yet to receive them.

Since my first demand for this gustation, my older, fatter brother has taken a particularly black, evil-smelling shit in his pants, and has given me his permission to reach in there, pull a warm, sticky glob of it, and rub it into your hair.

Prepare yourself. This is going to be bad.

And even after your fecal shampoo, please note that you won't be let go from your obligation. You'll still have to give me my hot, fresh apple pies, each one at least as hot as the one previous.

I'm waiting. I won't wait long.

9:48 AM  
Anonymous John F. Campbell, Campbell's Soup CEO said...

While I understand that by now, any protestations about the content of this website are considered risible, I feel that I must levy my complaint about this soup you claim to have the recipe for: "Hotgag."

I find it repulsive and disgusting in the extreme. It's vile. I don't understand how a sane human being could conceive of such a thing.

For the record, each can of Campbell's Hotgag Soup has TWO ounces of brine shrimp testes. TWO.

We have a specially trained staff with very very small fingers devoted to one task: tearing the tiny testicles off of individual brine shrimp and dropping them into our cans of Hotgag soup.

The brine shrimp are then sold to toy companies as Sea Monkeys, where they spend the rest of their days ball-less and wriggling around in agony.

Please do not take their sacrifices in vain. Taste the Hotgag.

Yes.

10:35 AM  
Anonymous O.L.A.S.J.H.C. said...

If you loved Me, you would give the sick fuck an anonymous handjob.

Do it for Me.

And wash that bushbuck's stinky penis. The stench of it is even making ME puke up here in Heaven.

10:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm going to have to step up my game here.

*frrpttt*

*frpppt*

*peeerppptptpt*

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did anyone else find the "WHATSTHEMATTERWITHME *sssssspprrrtttt*" to be particularly poignant?

It's like he doesn't know what's going on.

12:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hee hee!

Those fart jokes never get old.

*frrrrrrrrrippppp*

Ha ha ha ha!!

12:31 PM  
Anonymous John 3:16 said...

Jesus hates your fat little guts, son.

He hates them. He hates you with a passion usually reserved for murderers. Oh, how He hates you.

I hate you, too.

1:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nothing on this horrible, disgusting, lothesome, fetid, putrid, dank, and disturbing website could be considered "poignant."

*frriipppttt*

This website's debasing qualities spread like a veneral disease through the body politic.

*PEEEheeruptptptpt*

*fft*

Yuck.

2:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I, for one, would not love a jesus that asks people to do sexual favors for Him or anybody else.

If that guy is Jesus, then I'm switching religions.

Right after Xmas, that is. Don't want to be left out of the gift giving this holiday season because I start being Shinto or Buddhist or some shit.

*SPPLLOOOOOOSH!*

Woah. That sudden explosion of wet fecal matter out of my anorectal canal was most unexpected. Wow. It's like a waterfall of brown smelly ooze going down my legs.

It's warm at the top of the brown waterfall, but by the time it reaches my ankles, it's cold and very, very unpleasant.

Good thing I'm not Japanese.

That has nothing to do with anything, but I thought that since we're friends, I could let it all hang loose.

2:04 PM  
Anonymous A. Nip(ponese) said...

No, we ale definitery NOT FLIENDS hele!

My fliends ale vely calefur to not make fun of the wondelfur Japanese peopre, who have suffeled gleatry at youl schoorboy taunts.

It is no wondel that arr that fecar mattel has lushed out of youl analectar canar: you ale furr of shit!

2:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"you ale furr of shit"

That's what the bear said to the rabbit after he wiped his ass with the rabbit!

HA!

Now THAT'S comedy!

Gimme my paycheck.

3:45 PM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

Focus you fuckknuckling retards!

FOCUS.

3:45 PM  

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