GWiMMRN, I Went to the Zoo Edition
Just...just fucking GUESS already, for fuck's fucking sake:
A) The bunch of retards being herded along by some kind of tour group
B) The fact that the only time they evidenced any enthusiasm was when the elephants were taking great, big spherical shits, and this enthusiasm showed itself in hooting, laughing, and general exclamations of incoherence, giving the lie to the popular Hollywood notion of the "Noble Retard"
C) Soft-serve ice cream
D) A family of truly brutish-looking Russian tourists with a somewhat cute kid named "Vasily" who I truly hope grows up to look more like a bushbuck's asshole than his own parents because he'd at least be less ugly
E) Mingled delight and disappointment that while I was able to see a waterbuck for myself at the zoo, I wouldn't be able to sniff its stinky, big fat cock
F) Lorikeets
G) The one dollar we paid for a cup of nectar to feed the lorikeets with, which I later tasted and learned that it wasn't sugar water, but actually M.U.L.T.U.M.E.S.C., which is that pussy-flavored drink that you add milk to like Ovaltine
H) A lorikeet's black, cylindrical tongue
I) A lorikeet's big, fat, feathery cock
A) The bunch of retards being herded along by some kind of tour group
B) The fact that the only time they evidenced any enthusiasm was when the elephants were taking great, big spherical shits, and this enthusiasm showed itself in hooting, laughing, and general exclamations of incoherence, giving the lie to the popular Hollywood notion of the "Noble Retard"
C) Soft-serve ice cream
D) A family of truly brutish-looking Russian tourists with a somewhat cute kid named "Vasily" who I truly hope grows up to look more like a bushbuck's asshole than his own parents because he'd at least be less ugly
E) Mingled delight and disappointment that while I was able to see a waterbuck for myself at the zoo, I wouldn't be able to sniff its stinky, big fat cock
F) Lorikeets
G) The one dollar we paid for a cup of nectar to feed the lorikeets with, which I later tasted and learned that it wasn't sugar water, but actually M.U.L.T.U.M.E.S.C., which is that pussy-flavored drink that you add milk to like Ovaltine
H) A lorikeet's black, cylindrical tongue
I) A lorikeet's big, fat, feathery cock
posted by My Mouth at 6:10 AM
12 Comments:
BEHOLD! Behold my rainbow coloured feathery cock! It is MAGNIFICENT!
Gaze in wonder and feed me nectar from a Dixie Cup. I am deserving of your praise!
YES! Let your 1 dollar Dixie Cups filled with nectar runneth over! Annoiteth my plumed head with oil!
I am your better. Kiss my clawed feet.
eeegh! haughuuaaau! eh eh ehe heee hee! POOPY POOPY POOOOOPY!
Does anyone else think that, except for the gratuitous "POOPY POOPY POOOOOPY!" part, the so-called "Noble Retard's" exclamations sounded suspiciously like the turtles eating salad?
This is so embarrassing. I didn't think that my necessary bodily functions would serve as fodder for the amusement of the mentally handicapped when I defecated.
If you tickle me, do I not laugh? If you prick me, do I not bleed? Am I not a being worthy of dignity and consideration, instead of an object of ridicule for people who say things like "POOPY POOPY POOOOOPY!"?
I don't like the way I'm being treated here. I know nobody cares about that, or at least they don't want to hear about it. Nevertheless, I don't like it.
Okay now, young man. Nice people don't say things like, "POOPY POOPY POOOOOPY!" You want to be a nice person, don't you? If you do, you won't say "POOPY POOPY POOOOOPY!" again. Okay? No more "POOPY POOPY POOOOOPY!" "POOPY POOPY POOOOOPY!" is a wrong thing to say. Try to be more like Sally, who doesn't say "POOPY POOPY POOOOOPY!" and hasn't said "POOPY POOPY POOOOOPY!" all day.
If you absolutely must say something, you can say, "Holy fuck! Lookit that elephant taking a big shit!" Okay?
Good.
Uh haugh huhuhhh hee hee hee! POOPY POOPY POOOOPY! Augh augh argh! Hauck huck huckeee!
What a day at the zoo I had, too. I mean, when I saw that elephant take a shit, I said to myself, "Wendell, Holy fuck! Lookit that elephant taking a big shit! I'll bet you will never see anything like it again."
And now, one day later, I know I was right.
I'm not getting anywhere NEAR that elephant. I'll probably be licking his wrinkly grey nutsack when he unloads a monstrous amount of fecal matter all over me.
I just know that will happen.
By the way, it wasn't a moose costume I was wearing. It was a bushbuck costume. And it wasn't a "sheet cake" I was sitting on. It was the wedding cake I had specially ordered for My Day At The Zoo.
*tp* *tp*
This nectar tastes like M.U.L.T.U.M.E.S.C.
*tp* *tp*
Yes.
*tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp* *tp*
Definitely M.U.L.T.U.M.E.S.C.
*tp*
I just wish you would all stop with the "POOPY POOPY POOOOPY!"
It's not funny. My dad used to say that all the time. It was "POOPY POOPY POOOOPY!" all day long.
What the hell's the matter with you, saying "POOPY POOPY POOOOPY!" like that, anyway? What kind of a person does that?
"POOPY POOPY POOOOPY!" isn't funny. Stop it.
This is an open casting call:
We are looking to hire two, possibly three Noble Retards for a new movie. The movie's about how some retards band together with all their good intentions and innocence and save America from the terrorists.
We think the movie will be called, "POOPY POOPY POOOOPY! Lookit! POOOOOPY!: America Is Saved" or something like that.
All Noble Retards are encouraged to apply:
Fecal Productions
750 Gray Elephant Testes Way
Hollywood, CA 90234
oh Lord! My GOITER! My f*ing goiter! It's so big! OH! My goiter my goiter my GOITER! It's killing me today, my goiter.
Ack. Oh. I can barely lift my goiter today. Why o why did I let my goiter get SO BIG? What a mistake I made.
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