Oh, GOD. Another Fucking Thursday.
How can you bear it? The crushing sameness of every day, a life filled with Hobson's Choices, a living death that only suicide can end? By guessing what's in my mouth right now, of course!
A) The immortal words, "MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY."
B) A little tricorne captain's hat for my penis
C) Cap'n Crunch, just before he was stomped to death by a bunch of smiling children:
D) Eugene's loudly-protesting turtle (the man, not his new dog)
E) MONKEY PENIS. AGAIN. THAT'S RIGHT, MORE MONKEY PENIS.
F) The kind of person that would do this
G) *zzzzzzzap* Eee ee ee! *spurt*
H) A piece of fruit as a reward
I) A spate of wholly inappropriate giggles that will get me fired any day now
J) A big, fat, TURTLE COCK
A) The immortal words, "MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY."
B) A little tricorne captain's hat for my penis
C) Cap'n Crunch, just before he was stomped to death by a bunch of smiling children:
D) Eugene's loudly-protesting turtle (the man, not his new dog)
E) MONKEY PENIS. AGAIN. THAT'S RIGHT, MORE MONKEY PENIS.
F) The kind of person that would do this
G) *zzzzzzzap* Eee ee ee! *spurt*
H) A piece of fruit as a reward
I) A spate of wholly inappropriate giggles that will get me fired any day now
J) A big, fat, TURTLE COCK
posted by My Mouth at 6:11 AM
7 Comments:
MY PENIS IS CEO OF YOUR WIFE'S CUNT.
Please, don't put the electrodes on my little monkey petzel again, I beg of you! I don't want the fruit as a reward, I just don't want you to electrocute my dingdong any more.
*zzzzzzap*
Eeee ee ee!
*spurt*
Oh, GOD.
When I was a kid, I had a green, plastic turtle with the shell cut out so you could sit in it. We had it in the backyard one day and my parent's friend had a retarded kid whom my parents thought it would be a good idea to play with us. When he came over, he wanted to play with the plastic turtle. I said o.k. So, the retarded kid sits in the turtle and then shits himself. Then he starts to cry. Afterwards, we had to wash the turtle out. I sort of miss the turtle now, but at the time I didn't want to sit in it again.
True story.
Fuckface.
Enough with your sickening stories! YOU MUST FOCUS.
I'm not here for you to babble to about your lost innocence. You have a golden opportunity here and YOU ARE BLOWING IT.
GWiMMRN.
Sorry. When you've gotta go, you've gotta go. The turtle was sort of shaped like a toilet, after all.
Cockgobbler.
I'M HAVING THE STOCKHOLDERS FIRE YOU. YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!
GROW UP.
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