2/9/06

Oh, GOD. Another Fucking Thursday.

How can you bear it? The crushing sameness of every day, a life filled with Hobson's Choices, a living death that only suicide can end? By guessing what's in my mouth right now, of course!

A) The immortal words, "MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY."
B) A little tricorne captain's hat for my penis
C) Cap'n Crunch, just before he was stomped to death by a bunch of smiling children:

D) Eugene's loudly-protesting turtle (the man, not his new dog)
E) MONKEY PENIS. AGAIN. THAT'S RIGHT, MORE MONKEY PENIS.
F) The kind of person that would do this
G) *zzzzzzzap* Eee ee ee! *spurt*
H) A piece of fruit as a reward
I) A spate of wholly inappropriate giggles that will get me fired any day now
J) A big, fat, TURTLE COCK

11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's IT. I am NEVER going to click on a link on this website again. This is just disgusting.

A turtle penis. I mean, really. GROW UP, you sick fucking freak.

9:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The funny thing is, that before I read your disgusting blog today, I was singing "Shock the Monkey" on the way to work.

True story.

Fuckface.

9:21 AM  
Anonymous I said...

MY PENIS IS CEO OF YOUR WIFE'S CUNT.

9:22 AM  
Anonymous Tommy Turtle said...

I actually LIKE my penis. I don't know what your problem is.

9:29 AM  
Anonymous Monkey Subject #44XV6532 said...

Please, don't put the electrodes on my little monkey petzel again, I beg of you! I don't want the fruit as a reward, I just don't want you to electrocute my dingdong any more.

*zzzzzzap*

Eeee ee ee!

*spurt*

Oh, GOD.

9:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I was a kid, I had a green, plastic turtle with the shell cut out so you could sit in it. We had it in the backyard one day and my parent's friend had a retarded kid whom my parents thought it would be a good idea to play with us. When he came over, he wanted to play with the plastic turtle. I said o.k. So, the retarded kid sits in the turtle and then shits himself. Then he starts to cry. Afterwards, we had to wash the turtle out. I sort of miss the turtle now, but at the time I didn't want to sit in it again.

True story.

Fuckface.

9:33 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

Enough with your sickening stories! YOU MUST FOCUS.

I'm not here for you to babble to about your lost innocence. You have a golden opportunity here and YOU ARE BLOWING IT.

GWiMMRN.

9:35 AM  
Anonymous Retarded Kid said...

Sorry. When you've gotta go, you've gotta go. The turtle was sort of shaped like a toilet, after all.

Cockgobbler.

9:53 AM  
Anonymous Your Wife's Cunt said...

I'M HAVING THE STOCKHOLDERS FIRE YOU. YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!

10:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GROW UP.

11:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That picture is worth a thousand penises.

1:54 PM  

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