5/2/06

Wet My Beak!

I'm just looking for a little focusing here, people. Not a whole lot. Just enough to wet my beak a little.

Now... FOCUS. FOCUS. FOCUS.

Now... guesswhat'sinmymouthrightnow.

A) A wet beak!
B) A cheesy, sweat-sock smelling paste under a layer of yellowish, oily fat.
C) A dollop of mustard based mango salsa served on a Ritz cracker.
D) A gently used ass gasket.
E) Free burritos down by the deserted taco shop.
F) Legitimate thee-ater.
G) An immigrant's big, fat cock.

UPDATE: The answer may now be H) The seemingly endless supply of forced mirth and accompanying fake laughter at unfunny jokes that are told because they really didn't know what else to say.

UPDATE UPDATE: The answer is most likely I) The funny little story I told myself on the way to the bathroom that made me laugh out loud: instead of going in the commode, I would simply pee off the mezzanine onto the desk (and head) of the woman sitting below. She'd blink a few times, and say, "Wha- what's that? Is that...Oh...oh my God! It's piss! It's PISS! IT'S PISS!!!" And then, squealing, she'd just dance horrified in place, not even moving out of the stream while I let loose my bladder's contents like a racehorse.

26 Comments:

Anonymous The Flamingo in the Photo said...

Stop ESSENTIALIZING me, you fucking Nimrod. Celebrate my innate, avian diversity the way a REAL MAN would.

Thanks!

:>)

9:27 AM  
Anonymous Guy Pumping His Pudgy Under the Table at the "Cabaret" said...

Oh yeah...

This...this is REALLY legitimate...

Oh boy...

ungh ungh ungh

*SPPPPURRRRTTTTT!*

Oooh. Ow. A little blood came out, there.

9:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

TACO COCK NOODLES, MAN!

COCK

NOODLES!

9:30 AM  
Blogger Eugene said...

Please forward my mail to the State Route 40 underpass.

Thanks.

;-(

9:31 AM  
Anonymous Thithco said...

Have you theen my buddeeth Than and Fran?

9:45 AM  
Anonymous Thathhy Thamuelth, Prethident of the Lithperth Anonymouth Club said...

That'th not the leatht bit amuthing, you athholeth! I have a theriouth, legitimate ithhue here! Thtop making joketh at my expenth!

11:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oooh.

*frrrprrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp*

I ate fifteen free burritos at the deserted taco shop, and I could sure use an ass gasket.

*frrrrripppp*

*frpr*

*peeeerp*

Man.

11:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What the hell is that paste supposed to be?

Huh?

11:18 AM  
Anonymous Than said...

Hello, Thithco! Have you heard what that annoying bitth from the lithperth anonymouth club thaid? Thee thaid that we are ATHHOLETH. I think that thee ith juth being mean.

12:21 PM  
Anonymous Theen~or Guacamole said...

Thervth you right for thtealing burritoth while we were protethting immigrathon legithlathion. I hope there are no more ath gathketh in the men'th room.

Thiko.

12:23 PM  
Anonymous Thathhy Thamuelth, Prethident of the Lithperth Anonymouth Club said...

I thelected the term athholeth for you because you are behaving like athholeth! Thith ith not thomething a nithe perthon would make joketh about!

The lithping, I mean.

Ath my thweetheart and fellow anuthtathter Deroy Murdock, "Patron Thaint" of Gueth What'th in My Mouth Right Now would thay, "THTOP IT THITH THECOND."

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wasn't THTEALING. I simply "borrowed" the burritos, you lisping freak.

*eeerrrrrrrrrprrrp*

Oh no. It looks like the owner of the taco shop is about to get his burritos back.

*rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpptt*

In a slightly different form, that is.

12:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uh, who are "they" in selection H)?

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Theen~or Guacamole said...

I've got thome thutney mango thaltha for you, you burrito thtealing thithead.

*tttthhhhppuuurrrt*

Hope you don't mind thoking down a gallon of immigrant thperm.

12:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heh heh. Yeah. Guess I'm, uh... hardly working, heh heh.

Yeah. I try to complain, but...uh...I guess nobody would listen, right?

12:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, heh heh. Good one.

I'm really swamped here at, uh, work. Well, uh. Back to the grind, huh?

12:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heh heh.

Yeah.

Uh, take it easy.

12:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll take it any way I can, uh.. get it! Heh heh.

12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heh heh.

'k.

See ya.

12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'k.

See ya.

12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's pretty fucking pathetic. All that fake laughter and unfunny jokes.

It's like they don't know what else to say.

1:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah. Guess not.

Heh. Heh heh.

Do you smell popcorn?

'cause, I sure wish I did.

1:18 PM  
Anonymous Woman Sitting Below said...

It's piss! It's PISS! IT'S PISS!!!

2:25 PM  
Anonymous Pissing Man said...

*SSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssss*

Aaaaahhh.

*plip*

2:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You must have a pretty low opinion of her to not only urinate on her head, but to think that she wouldn't even move out of the way.

*sniff* *sniff* Do you smell asparagus? Huh. I do.

4:37 PM  
Anonymous Pissing Man said...

Well, the point is that she's so horrified at the river of urine splashing all over her head that all she can do is dance in place and holler, "It's piss! It's PISS! IT'S PISS!!!" over and over again.

I don't have a particularly low opinion of her. She's nice enough and all. That's what makes it so funny: she's not deserving of my hot, yellow baptism, but gets it anyway.

I hope I've made myself clear.

5:16 PM  

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