GWiMMRN, Thuck It on Thursday Edition
I'm too busy to just drop everything and make you people focus, okay? Too. Fucking. Busy. TFB. That's why I have that inspirational message at the bottom of this website. Go on, refamiliarize yourself with it. I'll wait.
Okay? Good. FOCUS. GUESS. WHAT'S IN. MY MOUTH. RIGHT.
NOW:
A) Upon hearing about a recent equipment failure at my workplace, my shocked reaction of, "This story shocks me! Shocks me to my very balls!"
B) Three-headed kids. Hee hee
C) The fact that every time I sing the Sinatra song, "I've Got the World on a String," I always flub the third line and sing, "I've got that little string around my penis," and my wife always adds, "And I tug and tug and tug"
D) The load Kevin Costner launched all over his belly in front of a horrified masseuse
E) The smell of boiled pork rinds in what may be the most DISGUSTING story ever written
F) A cold, stale, ketchup and mustard homeless hoagie hidden under a layer of old newspapers and rat shit so it can be enjoyed later
G) A hot, crusty chunk
H) A big, fat cock with a string around it
Okay? Good. FOCUS. GUESS. WHAT'S IN. MY MOUTH. RIGHT.
NOW:
A) Upon hearing about a recent equipment failure at my workplace, my shocked reaction of, "This story shocks me! Shocks me to my very balls!"
B) Three-headed kids. Hee hee
C) The fact that every time I sing the Sinatra song, "I've Got the World on a String," I always flub the third line and sing, "I've got that little string around my penis," and my wife always adds, "And I tug and tug and tug"
D) The load Kevin Costner launched all over his belly in front of a horrified masseuse
E) The smell of boiled pork rinds in what may be the most DISGUSTING story ever written
F) A cold, stale, ketchup and mustard homeless hoagie hidden under a layer of old newspapers and rat shit so it can be enjoyed later
G) A hot, crusty chunk
H) A big, fat cock with a string around it
posted by My Mouth at 5:32 AM
11 Comments:
What do I want?
That story is patently untrue. The masseusse left the room before I could "finish" on myself.
I plan to sue her for a rugged case of blue balls.
Also, I got a new movie coming out. It's about a guy who, on his HONEYMOON, flashes masseuses and attempts to "finish" on them.
It's called, "JIZZWORLD." I'm planning a Disney style theme-park around it.
But, I've said too much of my plans already.
ehhh haz annybuddy seen my SANdwich? i think i left it undr my mattress.
ohhh. theRE it izz! *munch* *Munch* oh that goes down sooo smoooth.
*BLORP!* *frrpppttt*
scuze me.
We cannot stress strongly enough our outrage at the recent post and comment's ugly stereotype of homeless people. Many of them are good, honest, clean, hard-working folk who have fallen on bad times.
Celebrate their fucking diversity for Christ's fucking sake.
PREPARE FOR LIFT-OFF.
You know, I'm getting pretty damn sick of having to celebrate everybody ELSE'S diversity.
What about MY diversity? What about ME? When's it MY turn for consideration?
:)
It's okay, Mr. Costner, it happens- hey! What are you doing?
Let go of your penis RIGHT NOW! You stop tugging on it THIS MINUTE!
Oh! Oh, LORD. Look at that MESS.
:)...
Yeah, when is it MY turn for consideration?
I found the "Horrified Masseuse" comment to be particularly DEPRAVED. The IMPLICATION is DISGUSTING.
CAPITAL LETTERS.
GROW UP.
I find the blatant misuse of me, a symbol of happiness, HORRIBLE. I should not be debased in such a fashion as to put ... under the right side of my mouth.
HORRIBLE. CAPITAL. LETTERS.
HORRIBLE.
8===> :p...
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