4/27/06

GWiMMRN, Thuck It on Thursday Edition

I'm too busy to just drop everything and make you people focus, okay? Too. Fucking. Busy. TFB. That's why I have that inspirational message at the bottom of this website. Go on, refamiliarize yourself with it. I'll wait.

Okay? Good. FOCUS. GUESS. WHAT'S IN. MY MOUTH. RIGHT.

NOW:

A) Upon hearing about a recent equipment failure at my workplace, my shocked reaction of, "This story shocks me! Shocks me to my very balls!"
B) Three-headed kids. Hee hee
C) The fact that every time I sing the Sinatra song, "I've Got the World on a String," I always flub the third line and sing, "I've got that little string around my penis," and my wife always adds, "And I tug and tug and tug"
D) The load Kevin Costner launched all over his belly in front of a horrified masseuse
E) The smell of boiled pork rinds in what may be the most DISGUSTING story ever written
F) A cold, stale, ketchup and mustard homeless hoagie hidden under a layer of old newspapers and rat shit so it can be enjoyed later
G) A hot, crusty chunk
H) A big, fat cock with a string around it

11 Comments:

Anonymous Chunk said...

What do I want?

7:42 AM  
Anonymous K. Costner said...

That story is patently untrue. The masseusse left the room before I could "finish" on myself.

I plan to sue her for a rugged case of blue balls.

Also, I got a new movie coming out. It's about a guy who, on his HONEYMOON, flashes masseuses and attempts to "finish" on them.

It's called, "JIZZWORLD." I'm planning a Disney style theme-park around it.

But, I've said too much of my plans already.

7:45 AM  
Anonymous A. Homeless Guy said...

ehhh haz annybuddy seen my SANdwich? i think i left it undr my mattress.

ohhh. theRE it izz! *munch* *Munch* oh that goes down sooo smoooth.

*BLORP!* *frrpppttt*

scuze me.

7:47 AM  
Anonymous ACLU said...

We cannot stress strongly enough our outrage at the recent post and comment's ugly stereotype of homeless people. Many of them are good, honest, clean, hard-working folk who have fallen on bad times.

Celebrate their fucking diversity for Christ's fucking sake.

7:49 AM  
Blogger El Capitan said...

PREPARE FOR LIFT-OFF.

8:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, I'm getting pretty damn sick of having to celebrate everybody ELSE'S diversity.

What about MY diversity? What about ME? When's it MY turn for consideration?

:)

8:22 AM  
Anonymous Horrified Masseuse said...

It's okay, Mr. Costner, it happens- hey! What are you doing?

Let go of your penis RIGHT NOW! You stop tugging on it THIS MINUTE!

Oh! Oh, LORD. Look at that MESS.

:)...

8:24 AM  
Anonymous Dwight said...

Yeah, when is it MY turn for consideration?

9:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found the "Horrified Masseuse" comment to be particularly DEPRAVED. The IMPLICATION is DISGUSTING.

CAPITAL LETTERS.

GROW UP.

9:51 AM  
Anonymous :) said...

I find the blatant misuse of me, a symbol of happiness, HORRIBLE. I should not be debased in such a fashion as to put ... under the right side of my mouth.

HORRIBLE. CAPITAL. LETTERS.

HORRIBLE.

12:22 PM  
Anonymous Horrified Masseuse said...

8===> :p...

1:56 PM  

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