4/26/06

Hot, Custardy Gobs for YOU

Imagine that you're a quarterback, and there's twelve seconds to go on the clock and you're down by six points. There's the snap, your receivers go long and...

THIS IS IT: THE GAME-WINNING PLAY, AND ALL YOU HAVE TO FUCKING DO IS GUESS WHAT'S IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!!!!

A) A hearty but mocking refrain of: "*BELCH!* HA HA HA HA HA *frrrppttt*"
B) The Roman Coliseum
C) The oysters my boss often digs for in the morning that can be heard throughout the building
D) A dog turd covered with burnt hair, not mine
E) Lots of inadequacies, not mine
F) The kind of tat you get tit for
G) That time I grabbed Larry "Bud" Melman's hot, moist, falling hemorrhoids, you know, and they just kind of sat there in my hand like fat, red worms while Bud squealed and gibbered like a chimp on 5000 milligrams of benzedrine, and I squeezed them, really squeezed them like I was milking a fat, whimpering cow's udders and this nasty, tepid matter squirted out which wasn't hot like the 'roids themselves which was weird, but anyway it was a kind of a reddish, pussy color with little things swimming in it, little things that had more legs than they needed to have to swim around in Bud's asshole and they were singing you know, singing, so I took a lighter to them, the hemorrhoids, and pretty much the rest of Bud's chocolate starfish while he feebly flapped his hands like an old lady and begged me to get him some Bactine
H) A big, fat cockadoodledoo

UPDATE: The answer is now most likely I) The old "she made a grab for the remote control and 'accidentally' grasped my penis under the blanket" trick

18 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I felt the detail in Letter G was more than we needed.

6:22 AM  
Anonymous hemorrhoid bugs said...

YOU ARE OUR SUNSHINE, OUR ONLY SUNSHINE, YOU MAKE US HAAAPPPYYYY WHEN SKIES ARE GREY!!

6:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That must've been one HOT turd, huh? Doncha think? Huh?

6:24 AM  
Anonymous Tit said...

Tat

6:25 AM  
Anonymous Tat said...

Tit

6:25 AM  
Anonymous Larry "Bud" Melman said...

Oh, he could've gone into WORSE detail, that's for sure. MUCH worse.

Do you have any Bactine?

7:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's bad enough that there's such a thing as "hemorrhoid bugs," but the fact that they SING is pretty fucking horrific.

7:49 AM  
Anonymous John Elway said...

Ooh. Oh boy. I don't know the answer to this one. I mean, I'd rather be throwing the potentially game-winning touchdown pass at the Superbowl, you know? The pressure here is ENORMOUS.

7:51 AM  
Anonymous The Boss said...

*kaf* *CHHHHAAAWWWWKK*

*ptui*

Ew. Nasty.

7:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's Letter H!

TOUCHDOWN!!! SHARK! SHARK! HA HA HA HA *BELCH!* *pprrrrttt* IT NEVER FUCKING ENDS!

9:05 AM  
Anonymous Hemorrhoid Bugs said...

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW DEAR, HOW MUCH WE LOOOVE YOU! SO PLEASE DON'T TAKE OUR SUNSHINE AWAAAAAYYYY!

YAAAY! YIIIPPEEE!!

9:07 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

FOCUS.

FO-CUS.

You're having entirely too much fun here.

9:10 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

What a great place to play!

Put E and I and C in a blender so you could put them all in your mouth, but drink it in B while rewatching G and you have the perfect entertainment while your mouth enjoys the benefits of a fun post... can't call it great or it would have to be up for a
Pull!itzher! Woohoo what a ray of sunshine that would be

10:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boy, I can't tell you how many times the ol' watching-Saturday Night Live-wrapped-in- a- blanket together- with- the- remote- control- on- my- leg- trick works.

Boy, I'm glad there's an anonymous way to post these comments.

12:11 PM  
Anonymous Ass Gasket said...

Do YOU know who I am?

12:50 PM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

No, I don't know who you are. I hope you're FOCUSING.

12:54 PM  
Anonymous Female Cousin with Incestuous Designs said...

I fall for that trick all the time!

Ha ha!



kill me

12:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:21 PM  

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