GWiMMRN, Really Bad Pick-Up Lines Edition

It's Cinco de Mayo, where Mexicans across the world celebrate kicking the shit out of the French army. What does this have to do with my mouth? With really bad pick-up lines? If you FOCUS, you'll know:

A) "You must have a mirror in your back pocket, because I see myself in your pants."
B) "Do you mind if I push in your stool?" (Said at gay bars.)
C) "If you were a booger I'd pick you first."
D) "I just shit my pants. Can I get into yours?"
E) "I'd suck a fart out of your ass and hold it like a bong hit."
F) "My love for you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in."
G) "Nice tits, bitch." (Said to a feminist with no arms or legs.)
H) "Hi, my name is Frank; it's very nice to meet you. I really like the way your Manolos go with that outfit...they really make it pop. Would you like to suck my big, fat cock?"


Anonymous Frank said...

You'd be surprised how many times that's worked.

6:23 AM  
Anonymous Jordan said...

Is that YOU, my love, who wrote Letter F?

6:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As my good friend Deroy Murdock would say, "Nice tits, bitch."

6:24 AM  
Anonymous Deroy Murdock, "Patron Saint of GWiMMRN" said...

"Once again, I am forced to spend my valuable time responding to these false accusations."

"I just really have like no frickin' time at all."

"None whatsoever."

"Nonetheless, I don't know who that one person was, and he's not any friend of mine."

"If I had the time and saw him on the street, I'd tell him one thing."



"That's right: I said to 'grow up.'"

"To quote myself earlier: 'I don't have time to say anything other than "grow up."'"

"Thank you."

7:51 AM  
Anonymous Stool said...

Actually, I DO mind. I'm almost ready to be delivered. He's been prairie doggin' me for some time.

You should just GROW UP.

7:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*wheew* I just took a dump that was so long and strenuous that my mouth got all cottony.

I just drank a little water, so now I'm o.k., thanks.

9:02 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

I REALLY don't give a fuck about that any more than I do about Halle Berry's adoptive proclivities.

9:47 AM  
Anonymous Ash said...

Oh, Jordan.

My love for you is like a hot Carl all over your stupid, bad-attitude face.

call me

9:47 AM  
Anonymous Feminist with No Arms or Legs said...

Thank you!

Would you mind giving me the Cleveland Steamer I so richly deserve? Or a Rusty Trombone?

kill me


9:49 AM  
Anonymous A. Critic said...

I'm so much better than you because I spend my whole day reading/watching/giving a flying fuck to a rolling donut about pop-culture so that automatically makes me much more qualified than you to tell you what to like and what not to.

That, and I went to film school. So, I watched movies and had to take tests about them. So, I know all about this stuff.

I'm worthwhile.

Really. I really am. I serve an important function on this planet.



12:39 PM  

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