12/14/05

My Relentless Mouth Goes On...

Giving you the most up-to-date information about what goes in it when I think you're worthy. Congratulations: you're worthy now. Seeing as I ruined a well-loved children's book recently, and a popular Christmas song, I feel I must continue this slash-and-burn campaign on all you love dearly, destroying further aspects of popular culture by putting them into my mouth. So, on with the show. Guess what's in there:

A) A sack lunch (a man's scrotum)
B) A brown bag lunch (a Hispanic man's scrotum)
C) Abe Lincoln (when you shave off Liza Minnelli's pubic hair and paste it onto your mother's face with jungle juice, creating a beard-like effect)
D) Jello Pudding Pop (the frozen contents of a dirty diaper found by the side of the road with a stick stuck in it)
E) Chocolate cherries (hard, jagged nuggets of shit painfully passed by a man with bleeding hem-uh-ruh-ruh-roids)
F) Jesus (the semi-retarded jizz-mopper at the local peep show that peeks into everyone's booths as they sweatily, furtively jerk off to cheap pornography. Afterwards, he doesn't bother with the mop, but instead gets several dozen free protein servings a day using a straw and a yellow tongue)
G) A big, fat cock (needs no further explanation)

5 Comments:

Anonymous Honest Abe said...

Four score and seven what the hell is this on my FACE!?!

8:44 AM  
Anonymous B. Cosby said...

I still love those Jello Pudding Pops. Good and good for you, mm-hmm.

8:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Letter F manages to sink to a new low.

Congratulations, pervert.

8:45 AM  
Anonymous Saline Dee-On said...

Neeeeeaaarrr... faaaaarrrr... whereEVERRRRRRRR yooooouuu arrrrre... The heeeeaaaarrrrrttt will goooooo ooooooo-ooooo-oooonnnnn...

3:42 PM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

Cut that singing the fuck out right now.

I'm not going to tell you again.

4:02 PM  

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