GWiMMRN: It Will Never Fucking End

I AM relentless. I will go on, and on, and on. I owe it to you, my readers. If you haven't realized by now that my mouth crosses all moral, political, and temporal boundaries, then you just haven't been paying attention. Focus. Say it with me: I CAN. I CAN. I CAN. TOUCHDOWN!!

With that out of the way, let's get to what you all came here to do: guess what's in my mouth right now.

A) The cute AFLAC duck, repurposed as a wriggling, feathery condom for my next appointment with Harvey Fierstein's slack, overfucked asshole
B) lola's spendiferouslygigantamormous bush, arftully shaved into a "Madonna and Child" silhouette for the season
C) The rampant homophobia that passes for humor around this sick place
D) Vampire soft-porn, for those who like their smut romantic, blood-tinged, and without a scintilla of hot man-custard all over some chick's tits to be found
E) A small, passable shitlet concealed inside the center of a Tootsie Pop
F) The brief feeling of homicidal anger I experienced when, after I asked for the checkbook, my wife smirked and threw it across the room away from me so it landed in the cat dish
G) Lambada, the FORBIDDEN dance
H) Smegmada, the FORBIDDEN dick cheese
I) A big, fat, vampiric cock