12/6/05

Here Comes Santa Claus, Here Comes Santa Claus, Right INTO MY MOUTH

Have I told you that Christmas is one of my favorite holidays? Not because of the faggoty lights or the holiday spirit bullshit. It's because I have another day sanctioned by God Himself to put whatever I like into my mouth. Believe me: when you hear the REAL story of Christmas and what it has to do with my mouth, you'll never look at late December the same way again. But not yet. What's important now is that you Guess! What's! In! My! Mouth! Right! Now!

A) The new German rock group named TUÜRD
B) The chirpy, moronic bitch at Bath and Body Works that I skull-fucked so hard that her dead grandfather's got a migraine now because she just wouldn't leave me alone
C) A cool, refreshing drink
D) The wrong foot, covered with fungus
E) Utter shock and horror that my new pantaloons now force me to gyrate my crotch against any rear end they come into close proximity to
F) A Vlasic Zesty Garlic pickle plucked lovingly from Larry "Bud" Melman's starfish
G) *crunch crunch*
H) *prrt prrrrrt*
I) Ice-T's big, fat, Kop Killing Kock

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alright. That's it. I will never look at your website again. And the sononfabitch at GWiMMRN knows EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

A man drinking monkey piss. That's just really gross.

7:23 AM  
Anonymous TUURD Roadie said...

Oi! TUURD ROCKS THE BOTTOM OF MY TERLIT!

7:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The REAL story is that you're a freakin' loon and should be locked up forever. That's the REAL story.

7:42 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

Look: if you wouldn't make such a big DEAL out of the photos, I wouldn't post them.

I'll do what I can to minimize the photo links, but some things can only be said in pictures.

You can thank me later.

8:43 AM  
Anonymous TUÜRD Fan Club said...

YOU ROCK, TUÜRD! DON'T EVER CHANGE!

8:49 AM  
Anonymous Hans Scheisskopf, Lead Singer of TUÜRD said...

ICH BIEN EIN TUÜRD!

8:51 AM  

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