Look, Folks; My Mouth is NOT Your Personal Lost & Found Box

Tell you what; I'll describe what's in my mouth right now, and you tell me if one of these items belongs to you.

A) A 4.1 inch scissor.
B) A 4.1 inch incisor.
C) Fakery, charlatanism, and hocus-pocus.
D) An ounce of rooster sperm housed in a repurposed McDonald's Honey Mustard packet that you get when you buy those disgusting Chicken McNuggets. Well, you get the packet of mustard, and you have to repurpose it yourself, is what I mean.
E) Tara Reid's gaping vaginal cavity.
F) A weird dent.
G) Someone's unintentionally awful Vogon-esque poetry.
H) Intentional Vogon poetry.
I) An awful tasting, but incredibly big, fat cock.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just want to smear molsasses all over it and lick that weird dent all over.

Is that wrong?

7:36 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

Listen, it's bad enough that I agreed to let you claim a lost item. This is a terrible inconvenience for me. Okay? I described what's in MY mouth. I don't CARE what you put in yours. Only the items I listed are possibilities for what's in my mouth right now.

I don't go to YOUR website to get MY items that YOU put in YOUR mouth.

The nerve of some people.

7:43 AM  
Anonymous A. Vogon said...

Actually, that poetry was so bad that now Vogons use it to torture other Vogons.

That weird dent makes me feel all moist and squishy in my pants, if you know what I'm saying. And I'm not talking about Arthur Dent, if you catch my drift.

7:44 AM  
Blogger Muh-muh-muh-ham-ham-ham-ad-ad A-a-a-a-llll-li said...

Uh-uhhhhh-uh-I-iii'm wuh-w-w-with thuh-huh-huhhuh-thuh-them: thuh-hat w-w-w-wwww!-wuh-heird duh-duh-duh-dent ihhh-hhh-ihhhhhHHhhhh-is huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-hhhhhhh-huuuh-hhhhhhhhhuhhhhhhhhhhhh-huhh-huh-huh-hot.

Uh-I-iiii-i wuh-wuhh-w-w-want tuh-tuh-to pp-puh-puh-pp-pppp!-punch uh-uh-it.

7:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry. I figured my molsasses fantasy was too weird for you to take. I'm...I'm sorry.

It won't happen again.

But isn't it sexy?

7:55 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

That's it. I've had it. I don't care if you've lost an item in my mouth. Finders keepers losers weepers, you baggy, saggy collection of elephant balls. I'm keeping everything I find in my mouth, even that weird dent. Go screw.

10:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Come on. At least let us have the weird dent.

I've got the molsasses ready.

12:07 PM  
Blogger My Mouth said...


12:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not sure which is funnier: being called a collection of baggy, saggy elephant balls, or the consistent misspelling of "molasses."

2:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just finished masturbating my dog. He likes it and I don't mind so what's the harm? It beats oral with the cat!

3:35 PM  

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