You WILL Do What I Say...

Because you have no choice. When I provide you the list of things that may be in my mouth, and demand that you guess which one is actually in there, I've irrevocably altered your thought process. Without consciously wanting to, you'll have already made a guess. Isn't that great? So, don't be shy. Tell me what that guess is. I know you've already made it.

A) Vice-President Dick Cheney's stool, containing undigested chunks of John Edwards
B) The guy I cock-punched into orbit last week for offering to wipe my windshield when I didn't want it wiped
C) A triple-chicken delight: A chicken McNugget sandwich with a fried egg on top, lightly drizzled with an ounce of rooster sperm housed in a repurposed McDonald's Honey Mustard packet
D) A parent's mixed amusement and exasperation when the kids end up having more fun with the boxes their Christmas presents came in than the actual presents themselves
E) The horrible, final flatulence Tookie Williams will make when he gets the needle on December 13th
F) The red, angry bumps on Robert Culp's dingus after a long night of dry-humping Vietnamese waitresses the way he does
G) The rest of Robert Culp's big, fat, sweet-tasting cock

UPDATE: The answer is not H) The two gigantic warts I have cultivated on either side of my anus so that I can snap my ass shut like a change purse. I know you were thinking that, but they're not in my mouth right now.