8/29/06

GWiMMRN, *brrrrrrrrrrp* Edition

To be in my mouth, or not to be in my mouth. That is the question:

A) The words, "I would just like to add that I just ate a whole shit load of whole wheat pasta and I have a lasting feeling of fullness. *frrpt*" which may be the meanest thing ever said on the internet
B) An ethereal, gossamer pubic hair lovingly plucked from the mons of an angel
C) Hot pie
D) Helen Thomas
E) Camel Toe
F) Caramel Toe
G) A burka
H) Tiny Tim's headstone, which I told my wife has a button on it that when pressed, plays his sickening falsetto of "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" and she believed me
I) Tiny Tim's big, fat cock

UPDATE:



UPDATE UPDATE: The answer may now be J) A MySpace Profile.

18 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Helen Thomas looks pretty hot in that picture.

8:54 AM  
Anonymous "Tiny" Tim said...

My "sickening falsetto" put food on the table, bub.

But now I'm dead.

9:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My burka has a huge hole in the ass.

Those sandy Arabian winds chafe my vagina somethin' fierce.

True story.

9:27 AM  
Anonymous The Bard's Tale said...

Oh! Won't some valiant young man rescue the camel toes of Skara Brae?

*FFFRRRRPPPPTTT!!!*

9:51 AM  
Anonymous "Dick" Cheney said...

You totally need to check out my camel toe. It's inflated for your pleasure.

*frrrpt*

Sorry about that.

*frpt*

*pt*

OK. Got that out of my system. Proceed.

10:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That one site had a picture of Li'l Kim that makes me just...oh...

*SSSSPPPUURRRRRTTTT!!*

*spurrrrrttttt*

*sprrt*

*spt*

Oh!

Oh, wow.

Mostly spooge there. Just a few threads of blood.

That's good, isn't it? I mean, I'm getting better, right?

10:22 AM  
Anonymous Militant Moslem said...

UUULULULULULULULULULLULUUULLLUU!

Kill the infidel with the sandy vah-GI-na!

UUULULULULULLLLULULULUUU!

I don't know why I'm doing that. Sorry.

10:24 AM  
Anonymous Zaffer said...

Sorry, bud. Can't help you.

Wrong game.

Got a lock I can pick?

10:25 AM  
Anonymous Michael the Archangel said...

YOU WILL ALL BURN FOR YOUR MOCKERY OF MY HOLY PUBES.

I COMMAND THEE: GET THE FAT HUMAN CHILD HIS 77 HOT APPLE PIES, OR SUFFER NOT ONLY THE WRATH OF GOD, BUT ALSO A HORRIBLE SHIT SHAMPOO.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, MORTAL.

10:27 AM  
Anonymous Lord British said...

No, you may NOT have your childhood back.

You gave it to me and my Ultima Games.

Suck it and be happy for the spooge that follows.

That is all.

Good day.

10:30 AM  
Anonymous Vidal Sassoon Marketing Rep. said...

*beeep!*

Uh, hi. Jim Oldburger here. I'm the marketing rep from Vidal Sassoon. We'd like to talk to your manager... What was his name? Mike Angel? About a marketing campaign for a new brown shampoo featuring the fat kids, especially the one who is demanding 77 hot apple pies.

The shampoo will be called Vidal Sassoon's Shit-Storm Passion Monsoon and will be a thick, chunky, and smelly...uh, endlessly fragrant combination shampoo and hair dye.

My number is 555-1212. Thanks. Looking forward to hearing from you.

10:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Vidal Sassoon guy probably isn't who he's claiming to be. I mean, he gave out 555-1212 as his telephone number. That's the number for Information.

I really, really feel that way. A lot.

And I want my fucking childhood back THIS INSTANT. I don't care how many Moon Gates, Ancient Ruins, Dungeons, Savage Coasts, and Rollerball Arenas you have to go through to get it.

11:02 AM  
Anonymous Vidal Sassoon Marketing Rep. said...

*beeep!*

Hi. Jim Oldburger again. Just sent you the ... uh... prototype for our new shampoo/dye, Vidal Sassoon's Shit-Storm Passion Monsoon. Hope you got it.

In the mail, that is. Heh heh.

Okay. Guess you're not in. So, that bottle's for you to keep. Let us know what you think. Number's 555-1212.

That's a real number, by the way. I heard some dickhead claims it's not, but it is.

11:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*ring ring*

Hello?

Is this 911?

Yeah, hi. I, um, have an emergency here.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I was sitting down watching this movie, you know? And, well, I...oh.

This is sort of humiliating.

I was, well, I was, um, well, uh, masturbating. Yes. During the movie.

And then I shit all over my balls.

Hello? I need help here. Hello?

Hello?

911?

Oh, darn.

*click*

11:26 AM  
Anonymous The Fat Kid's Younger Brother said...

Well, you heard him. That was the Archangel Michael, and HE'S commanding you to get me the seventy-seven hot, fresh apple pies I'm owed and entitled to.

I'm pretty tired of waiting, and I've got a warm clot of my older, more husky brother's shit in my hand right now, ready to hurl at a moment's notice.

*rrrrorrrorrrrooorrr*

That was my stomach growling. You may have to get me another double bacon cheeseburger while you're at it. And another extra-large strawberry shake.

Come on. Let's go.

11:31 AM  
Blogger El Capitan said...

MY PENIS IS THE CURE.

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a mighty sickening MySpace profile.

There's a bunch of academics who are mapping MySpace profiles to understand social network structures.

I can't wait until they find this profile.

I see that Tom is willing to be friends with Franky. That's nice.

12:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You people are S.I.C.K. sick.

That's it. I'm going home.

1:05 PM  

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