3/24/06

My Knob Is in a New York State of Mind

Loooong time no see, huh, snatchface? Well, I got something for YA. Something loooong and scarrrry. Yeah. You, you gonna wibble it alright. You gonna wibble it GOOD.

A) $8.50 for a bagel with whitefish salad? Are you out of your fucking mind? I mean, it may be Glatt Kosher, but for crying out loud, it's not like the Rabbi blessed it with his holy spooge.
B) $18 for a ticket to the Guggenheim Museum? Are you out of your fucking mind? And who the fuck wants to see 5 levels of David Smith? He's alright, but 5 levels worth? Geeze!
C) What the hell do you mean the New York Public Library is closed on Mondays? What, you don't think people want to read on Mondays?
D) $5.95 for a piece of cheesecake? Are you out of your fucking mind? You can come taste the history of my knob for these prices. You should be thankful I walked to Brooklyn for it.
E) $12.95 a lb. for little cookies? Are you fucking nuts?
F) That's all you get for $70 a night? A 10 by 8 foot cell? AND I have to share a bathroom?
G) The little Chinese woman in the room next to ours who, when realizing that I planned to take a shower, literally ran from her room to claim the bathroom before I could get there.
H) $8.00 for a shot of Johnny Walker? That's IT. You really can go fuck yourself now.
I) A wonderful time in NYC.
J) A big, fat apple cock.

12 Comments:

Anonymous Rittre Chinee Woman said...

Heyfuckyou, loundeye! I had to take big shit!

9:21 AM  
Anonymous Cheap NYC Hotel Customer said...

Oh, goody! The bathroom's free! Now I can run a batch!

*squirp* *squirp* *squirp*

ungh ungh ungh

*ssssssppppuurrrtttttt!*

Oh!

Oh, oh wow.

Somebody'd better clean that up.

But not me! heeheeheeheeheehee!

9:25 AM  
Anonymous Other Cheap NYC Hotel Customer said...

Oh, NASTY! Some sicko just jerked off all over the bathroom! I'm so mad I could take a big, wet, messy dump in the shower.

*gggrrrrrrunt*

ungh ungh

*ffffrrrrprprrprpsssptpttttt*

Ahhh.

I'm not hanging around here, anymore.

9:28 AM  
Anonymous Cheap NYC Hotel Concierge said...

Oh. My. GOD.

I don't get paid enough to deal with THIS. I hope someone cleans it up.

Otherwise, we'll just have to deal with the whole "civil inattention" thing and ignore it.

Fuck!

9:31 AM  
Anonymous You said...

Boy. It's been a long day of walking around New York City. I'm glad to get back to my hotel and take a shower...

OH MY LORD! What they hell happened in here?! And why don't they clean this up?! This is... DISGUSTING.

9:53 AM  
Anonymous Cheap NYC Hotel Concierge said...

It's all about the CIVIL INATTENTION and the IS/OUGHT FALLACY.

IGNORE IT.

10:08 AM  
Anonymous You said...

You ISn't gonna get paid until you OUGHT to clean that bathroom.

I can't ignore it.

11:16 AM  
Anonymous Cheap NYC Hotel Concierge said...

I'm not doing a GOD-DAMNED THING. They don't pay me enough to act as jismopper and shitcleaner in this place.

And if you don't like that, you can SUCK MY DICK.

11:20 AM  
Anonymous Gangster said...

*BLAM BLAM BLAM*

11:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Apparently, "SUCK MY DICK" is the wrong thing to say to anyone in regards to repayment of loans.

12:58 PM  
Blogger El Capitan said...

MY PENIS DEMANDS REPARATIONS.

1:12 PM  
Blogger Michele said...

LOL, high prices doesn't equate with high fun...darn
but what a ride

6:22 AM  

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