Just Get Over the Bump Day, and It'll Be All Right

Fwew! Wednesday. Wonderful Wednesday. In my mouth. The implications are enough to cause a centipede to trip over itself. Staggering, I tell you. Whoo. Okay. Time to, well, you know.

A) A big dog's oat-tote
B) Eugene's sick habit of mocking shark-attack victims
C) Several tiny but oh-so expensive cookies
D) The new Joe Rogan-hosted show Animal Penis Factor, where the contestants have to eat the johnsons of several different endangered species within a predetermined time limit. Anyone who pukes is forced to re-ingest the vomitus at gunpoint, and the prize for the winner is a packet of Alka-Seltzer and a punch to the back of the head while Joe bugles, "Congratulations, shitcake."
E) Hot dog cake a la mode
F) A spooch on the rocks, with the "rocks" actually seminal fluid frozen in ice cube trays
G) Several tiny but oh-so expensive fetid, pulsating cocks


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boy, those tiny cookies look good.

8:42 AM  
Anonymous Joe Rogan said...

Please let APF be a big hit. I need the work.

8:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like my spooch shaken, not stirred, and certainly not on the rocks, unless it occurs in the mountains, in which case the on the rocks thing is unavoidable.

What's your fax number? I have a quesblun.

8:44 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

My fax number is 1-888-FUCK YOU.

8:46 AM  
Blogger Eugene's Wife said...

Has anyone seen Eugene anywhere?

8:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The fax line is busy.

10:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man, that Eugene's Wife thing is sick and fucked up.

10:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The fax line is still busy.

10:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The fax line is busy again. I'll try back later.

10:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nope, still busy. I'll try again later.

10:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just checking to see if the line was free. Guess it's not. O.K. I'll try again later. My enthusiasm is not dimmed.

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

O.K. Now I'm getting some weird signal or something. I think the fax line is still busy. Is everyone else faxing about that dump yesterday? Or is it just me? O.K. I'll try again later.

10:56 AM  
Blogger Eugene's Wife said...

What do you mean? I'm not sick!

11:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fax line is STILL busy. Sheesh.

12:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. That fax line has been busy for, like, 3 hours. Maybe some of you should let other people get a chance to fax something, huh? I mean, I want to know about that dump yesterday and I just can't get my fax through!

Let me check again.

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still busy. Wow. I can't believe how busy the fax machine number has been. I mean, really. Wow. This is just not funny anymore. Not funny at all.

12:54 PM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

Okay, try again. You might be able to get through this time.

You ARE dialing 1 (800) FUCK-YOU, right?

1:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


The line is still BUSY BUSY BUSY.

2:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Besides, you just changed the number from 1-888 to 1-800. Which is it?

2:31 PM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

Oh, sorry. That number must have been a misprint. Try it again.

3:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Which is the misprint? 1-888 or 1-800?

The fax lines for BOTH are busy.

4:55 PM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

Yeah, it's okay.

Don't worry about it.

4:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i cant stop worrying about it. please. tell me about the dump. please

9:10 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...


9:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


1:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


11:19 AM  

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