12/15/05

This Whole Cunt-Lapping Society Deserves Not Just Vaginal Spray, but News About My Mouth

Thaaaaaaaaaaat's right! It surely does. I've got to tell you that you probably don't know how lucky you are to get these kinds of updates about what's in my mouth. Man, if I were you, I'd be walking around all day long, thinking, "I know this whole cunt-lapping society doesn't amount to a hill of beans, but at least I've got GWiMMRN to help me shoulder the burden." Do yourself a favor and guess what's in my mouth right now. You'll wish you had if you don't:

A) The inky, fuzzy filler of a felt-tip pen, chewed to little pieces
B) A momentary feeling of horror and then relief when, after finding that my most recent stool was flecked with dark red bits, I realized that I wasn't bleeding internally but was instead processing the aforementioned felt-tip pen filler
C) A crisp slice of bacon
D) The white-hot stake Tookie Williams is no doubt impaled upon in the 656th layer of the Abyss while cackling demons tear off strips of flesh from his squealing, whimpering corpus
E) A steaming plate of Green Giant Frozen Niblets the size of the great state of Ohio, hurtling toward the Earth at supersonic speeds
F) Creamed corn, and you KNOW what the cream is, I bet
G) A soft-porn vampire that would be completely turned off by the idea of lapping a cunt in this whole cunt-lapping society
H) The difference between a cucumber and an ear of corn on the cob (hint: make motorboat noises with your lips)
I) My meat, my meat, my mighty manly meat. Check it out!
J) Tookie's big, fat, flayed-open cock wrapped around a crisp slice of bacon like some kind of fucked-up caduceus

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish I hadn't because I did.

9:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bbbbbbbbbbbbb I still don't get H.

9:59 AM  
Anonymous Wisconsin High School Cheerleading Squad said...

"My meat, my meat, my mighty manly meat. Check it out!"

10:01 AM  
Blogger The REAL Mark Harmon said...

You cunt-lappers! Watch my fucking show NCIS! It's legal in Utah!

10:22 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

Oh my goodness, I can't pick just one today to fill your mouth..or maybe what's been in it already, which, if that were so, you'd be exploding by now.
B but the bits are leftover, undigested beets. They do it everytime. Plus, a side of E..sounds explosively good and G, because I love soft or hard core Vamps...lapping or not. And "I"? Too funny. Great texture though.
What's for dessert??

1:03 PM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

Dessert? If you want, it's Letter J.

1:25 PM  
Blogger Michele said...

Uh-uh, babe, it's in YOUR mouth, not mine that counts. If you want it, you got it. J is cool

6:36 PM  
Anonymous S. Tookie Williams said...

Ow! Ow! Oooo!

Owowowow!!

YEEEOUWCH!

Oh. Oh no.

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

5:30 AM  

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