My Mouth Encompasses All Holidays
Even though I've been making much of Christmas of late, it's important to realize that my mouth, in its wonder, engulfs all holidays, from Hanukkah to Kwaanza. Light the candles and distribute the gifts, because you're going to have to guess...what's...inmymouthrightnow!
A) The oft-heard boardroom phrase, "Come on, now: my dick's not going to suck itself."
B) A tender sprig of parsley used as a garnish for a delicious dish of tomatoes and mozzarella cheese on toast points
C) A small pile of the tweezed-off adorable little ass hairs near Jessica Alba's starfish, ready to be snorted through a rolled-up Benjamin
D) A furiously-abused towelrack, dunked into the tomatoe juice
E) Buttery red wine with a dollop of spat-out man-custard in a shotglass
F) Eugene's nutsack, slapped really hard with a tennis racket so that he truly experiences balls in flight
G) lola's nutsack, slapped gently with Abner Louima's cocoa plunger so that she truly experiences splintery, shit-stained balls in flight
H) A sick Sesame Street, complete with a Big Bird sporting an immense erection
I) Eugene's teensy li'l peepee, all red and sore
A) The oft-heard boardroom phrase, "Come on, now: my dick's not going to suck itself."
B) A tender sprig of parsley used as a garnish for a delicious dish of tomatoes and mozzarella cheese on toast points
C) A small pile of the tweezed-off adorable little ass hairs near Jessica Alba's starfish, ready to be snorted through a rolled-up Benjamin
D) A furiously-abused towelrack, dunked into the tomatoe juice
E) Buttery red wine with a dollop of spat-out man-custard in a shotglass
F) Eugene's nutsack, slapped really hard with a tennis racket so that he truly experiences balls in flight
G) lola's nutsack, slapped gently with Abner Louima's cocoa plunger so that she truly experiences splintery, shit-stained balls in flight
H) A sick Sesame Street, complete with a Big Bird sporting an immense erection
I) Eugene's teensy li'l peepee, all red and sore
posted by My Mouth at 4:51 AM
10 Comments:
2 points for toast! HUZZAH!
OOO! I am thusly tender. heeheeheehee!
Here comes santa claus here comes santa claus right down santa claus lane!
Some people call them attacks on your person. I call them, "Eugene's anemic little balls in flight."
*pluck*
Ow!
*pluck*
Owow!
*pluck*
OWWWWWWWWWWWW!
That last one must've been a big one.
I'm all red and sore!
Did I ever tell you what I said when the plunger went in for the first time?
I said, "Ohhhhhhhhh boy."
I got all y'all need, Reese baby.
Lemme crawl into your diaper and make you feel GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.
"in the nuts?
the family jewels man...."
(ten points and a suck if you know what film thats from)
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