12/16/05

GUESS, GODDAMMIT! GUESS!

What's in my mouth right now:

A) The L.A.P.D.'s inherent racism for planting all that blood evidence linking O.J. to the murders of his ex-wife and her friend
B) Eddie Deezen, every mother-lovin' inch of him
C) Countess Elisabeth Bathory, who bathed in the menstrual blood of epileptic sea lions to maintain her youth and virility
D) Romania's gigantic vampire population which, as we all know, has gotten way out of control and requires major-league military intervention by now already
E) The overpowering urge to give Katie Couric a Thai elbow right across the jaw so hard her fucking teeth shear through her tongue in a spray of bloody saliva and chips of enamel while the adorable little hairs on the back of Matt Lauer's neck stand straight up in terrified expectation
F) The snipped off fingernails of the guy who came up with the expression "adorable little hairs"
G) The adorable little ass hairs of the guy who came up with the expression "adorable little ass hairs"
H) The idea that anyone's ass hairs, even the baby Jesus's, could be considered "adorable"
I) The odd taste in my mouth from having accidentally sprayed vaginal spray into it in a mistaken attempt to freshen my breath
J) The odd feeling of discomfort some broad will feel when she sprays Binaca into her vagina in a mistaken attempt to freshen her honeyhole
K) Katie Couric's big, fat cock with a feather duster forced into its urethra

16 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please don't show anymore of Eddie Deezen.

8:38 AM  
Anonymous Buh-buh-Bush said...

You're either with us, or you're with the vampires.

8:39 AM  
Anonymous Katie said...

My TOOOOOOOF!

8:39 AM  
Anonymous Katie said...

My UREEEEEETHRRRRAAAAA!

8:40 AM  
Anonymous The Vampires said...

We're with you, Bush!

9:07 AM  
Anonymous Some Broad said...

My VAAAAAGINNNNAAAAA!

9:08 AM  
Anonymous E. Deezen said...

I'm all over the place, replacing Binaca with vaginal spray in whatever place I find it!

9:13 AM  
Anonymous Clueless Protestor said...

NO BLOOD FOR BLOOD!

9:25 AM  
Blogger Eugene said...

I think your poetry is cutting edge.

Keep up the good work!

10:02 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

This isn't poetry. This is a blog that records what I may or may not be putting into my mouth at a particular time.

I may have to use your term "balls in flight" as part of one of the things I might put in my mouth. Do a poem about "brown bagging it" or "a sack lunch" if you want REAL cutting-edge poetry. Balls, you know? Get it?

Good. Thanks for writing. Did you guess what's in my mouth yet?

11:12 AM  
Blogger Eugene said...

Oh, I think it is poetry. All of life is poetry.

And you say sack lunch. I say, Balls in Flight.

Do you, get it?

11:26 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

You're laboring under the misapprehension that poetry, life in general, and "getting it" are items of specific interest to me.

What's important, what's absolutely VITAL, is my mouth and what goes into it. Nothing else matters, really. It's not about iambic pentameter, scanning and verse, or simply cutting up sentences so they look different on a page and calling it poetry. It's about my mouth.

FOCUS. FOCUS on MY MOUTH. You can do it. Say it with me: "I CAN. I CAN. I CAN."

Thanks for writing. I always enjoy correspondence, as long as it gives us both the opportunity to understand what's at work here: my mouth and its potential contents.

12:09 PM  
Blogger Michele said...

I think your mouth has "I" in it..because at that, I can laugh.
*giggle*
For dessert, I like D..love a fang chaser in your mouth. oh yea.
How does your mouth know about "C"? How can you tell a regular seal from an epileptic seal with your mouth? They all jerk around to move anyway, what 's the diff??

11:18 AM  
Anonymous E. Bathory said...

The color is what differentiates it. And the deep, rich taste.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

11:36 AM  
Anonymous mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm said...

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

12:21 PM  
Blogger Michele said...

*snort*,
I think they can vocalize in more than one letter, when it's in My Mouth's mouth.

2:26 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home