11/17/05

My Mouth Never Sleeps

It's always active. Always. You know why? I'll tell you why. Because there's a universe of things to stuff into it. Your job is to guess which things are in it right now. Pick two:

A) Finally, the nasty, wettish dump that was so long and strenuous to deliver that my left leg fell asleep
B) A battery-operated Suck-U-Lator, covered in someone else's juices
C) A peach pit from a peach eaten by me, but later shat out by a whining, squirming puppy that initially thought it was a treat
D) The word "flouncy"
E) A semen bomb: place several raw warm chicken parts into a mason jar and fill halfway with milk. Fill up the other half with semen. Tighten the lid very firmly on the jar. Place under someone's couch cushions, and after a few days, the gases from decomposition will cause the jar to burst, spraying milk and man-custard everywhere
F) Muh-muh-mii-ii-i-chae-chae-kel-e-eh-el Juh-juh-juh-jay Fuh-fuh-fuh-foxxxx-ssss' big, fat, spasmodic cock

9 Comments:

Blogger Michele said...

I was just blog hopping and your title kinda grabbed my attention.
Your posts grabbed my ethical morality and shook the hell out of it.
Your sense of humor would make Andy Warhol proud.
Your recipe for hot dog cake is a hoot.
There is nothing about your blog that is silent.
I'm still trying to descipher my reaction to your blog. am....amazed.

11:47 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

Thanks for your input, Michele. I only wish I could say that this website is intended as humor.

It most definitely is not. It's deadly serious. I take everything that goes into my mouth very seriously, carefully selecting only the most appropriate things I can. At times it's a burden, at others it's a pleasure.

As you're a new reader of my mouth's adventures, I urge you to start at the beginning, as many references to things currently in my mouth started days or even weeks ago.

Thanks for stopping by. Your commentary is always welcome, even in my mouth.

12:02 PM  
Blogger Michele said...

HahahahahaaA!!!!!
When I have the time, I'll check back.
Thanks for the invite...
**still chuckling and shaking my head**
*ahem*
Sorry, you're serious.
*straight face* :-/

12:27 PM  
Anonymous Semen Bomb said...

BOOM!

12:36 PM  
Anonymous T. Blair said...

What a waste of milk.

12:55 PM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

Note: Unless you have the semen sitting around somewhere, it would be very difficult to muster a half jar of semen before the chicken would decompose and become unusable (in this way). This is something you really have to plan ahead for.

1:06 PM  
Anonymous Peter North said...

It's not that difficult for ME, you know.

1:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've never seen the verb "deliver" used to describe taking a shit before. It's like you had a baby.

3:02 PM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

It weighed 9 lbs 4 ounces, just like a baby boy.

4:21 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home