11/17/05

Holy Fuckchunks! My 100th Post!

This calls for a celebration! To celebrate, I'm going to put something in my mouth right now. All you have to do is guess what it is! It's not that difficult, you know. We're going back to basics, because it's important that everyone does his or her best to FOCUS. FOCUS on what's in my mouth.

FOCUS. DO IT. FOOOOOO-CUSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Okay, now pick from the following choices:

A) A glass of warm ass-fat freshly sucked from this surprised looking turd
B) Walter Matthau's ear hair, grown to gigantic proportions after his death
C) A plate of pussy pemmican: dried labia with mesquite flavoring sprinkled on top for that extra zing
D) A CAT-scan of the twisted brain that would invent such a thing as "pussy pemmican"
E) A CAT-scan of the twisted brain that reacted to the idea of "pussy pemmican" with anything other than violent loathing
F) A hot fudge sundae with whipped cream, extra maraschino cherries, neapolitan ice cream, and bouncy, flouncy otter balls
G) The big, fat cock mentioned in the oft-heard boardroom quote, "Come on, my dick isn't going to suck itself."

And the answer is...

UPDATE: The answer is not, I repeat NOT Open Source Media (OSM), the new blog congolmerate that is supposed to revolutionalize blogging or advertising. I considered putting it into my mouth, but decided against it. In addition, the acronym OSM REALLY means "Oral Sex Mouth," and I'll be damned if I allow anyone to infringe on MY territory, mouth-wise.

FOCUS. FOCUS.

70 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

First of all, I don't think "flouncy" is a real word.

I don't have a second-of-all.

Happy 100th.

7:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, right.

Second of all, as the world's largest producer of Pussy Pemmican, I take great exception to your notion that Walter Matthau has gigantic proportions of ear hair. It's not true. He has super-gigantic proportions, especially in proportion to a wooly mammoth.

7:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry. Me again.

Third of all, my dick is NOT, I repeat, NOT, going to suck itself.

FOCUS on my dick. FO-CUS.

7:50 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

Can't you read?

This isn't about YOUR dick or YOUR mouth or anything like them.

It's about MY MOUTH and what's in it.

You want ME to go to YOUR website and talk about YOUR mouth and YOUR dick? Fine. Give me the address.

You're not focusing. FOCUS. MY MOUTH. Not YOUR MOUTH.

8:01 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

By the way, "flouncy" IS a real word. Nothing else quite describes otter testes.

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