11/24/05

Holy Fat Cocks! It's Fuckin' THANKSGIVING!

I can't BELIEVE it's already here! THANKSGIVING! To consecrate this totally awesome holiday, all will now give thanks to my mouth. Go on. I'll wait.

Done? Good. I plan to stuff so much stuff into my overstuffed mouth that even Jesus Christ Himself will look over and go, "Motherfucker. THAT cat's got a lot of stuff in his mouth." I will amaze the gods themselves, and cause the angels to tremble in awe at my maw's CYCLOPEAN majesty. You have a task too, you know, and it's not just thanking GOD for my mouth. You have to Guess What's in My Mouth RIIIIIIIIIGHT NOW! Go go go!

A) A bad case of the turkey trots
B) The glistening yellow-and-black goober Uncle Ned accidentally hawked up on the sweet potatoes after having smoked too many of those cheap plastic-tipped cigarillos
C) The saliva and mucus-slimed hole in Uncle Ned's throat that he uses to speak out of with the aid of an electronic device that makes him sound like Stephen Hawking
D) Stephen Hawking's latest diaper leavings after a week-long diet of only cranberry sauce and uncooked chorizo
E) A steaming, bubbling hot tub full of mixed store-brand turkey gravy and Pepto-Bismol
F) Shock and outraged horror that my sick pastime is used to defile a great American tradition
G) A mask of moist, uncooked turkey giblets that I plan to wear all day while tooling around the neighborhood with my pants down around my ankles and mashed potatoes on my dingus, shouting, "IT'S WHAT THE FUCKIN' PILGRIMS DID! IT'S WHAT THE FUCKIN' PILGRIMS DID! GIVE THANKS, MOTHERFUCKERS!"
H) YOUR turkey dinner. Yes, YOURS
I) A big, fat pilgrim cock

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the best Thanksgiving EVER.

8:00 AM  
Anonymous Chief Halftown said...

Those fucking giblet and mash potatoe wearing pilgrims will get theirs, believe you me.

8:00 AM  
Anonymous bzzzz Uncle Ned bzzzzzzzz said...

bzzzzz eh you will refrain bzzzzzzz from making fun of bzzzzzzz the hole in my neck bzzzzzzz now give me a cigarillo bzzzzzzzz you freak bzzzzzzz.

8:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've seen a guy in a hosptial, with a hole in his neck, that he has to talk through those bzzzing things, say that he still smokes. I guess at that point, why not?

8:04 AM  
Anonymous A. Pilgrim said...

We actually DID do all that, you know.

I'm sort of embarrased about it now.

8:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should be you freeeeek.

8:16 AM  
Blogger Franky Buttafuoco, Paraplegic Mailperson said...

Hee hee, hee! Enough Hee hee, hee! enough Hee hee, hee! with the fuckin' Hee hee, hee! fuckin' Hee hee, hee! Hee hee, hee! diaper jokes, you Hee hee, hee! you Hee hee, hee! you Hee hee, hee! jerkoff! Hee hee, hee!

8:20 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

It was NO joke, Mr. Mailperson. It was stinky because no one has cleaned Mr. Hawking's anus since he wrote "A Brief History of the Universe."

8:21 AM  
Anonymous Bzzzz Stephen Hawking Bzzzzzz said...

bzzzzz eh he's right bzzzzzz, I haven't had bzzzzzzz my anus cleaned in bzzzzz a very long time bzzzzzzzzzzz.

8:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

go go go!

1:02 PM  

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