Wheeeeeeeeew! Thank God I don't always SWALLOW what's in my mouth, or else my stomach would have exploded long ago. This Thanksgiving was an awesome spectacle, and I only wish everyone could have seen it. Perhaps next year, I'll make sure it's televised. Anyway, I'm going to make this edition of GWiMMRN an easy one:

A) A really, REALLY, REALLY catastrophically bad case of the turkey trots
B) The small fart that I'd tried to ease out after dinner with the whole family that turned out to be much louder and significantly wetter than I'd originally hoped
C) Uncle Ned's bark of commiserating laughter when from the smell, he and everyone else deduced that I'd shat myself
D) The vaguely "Y"-shaped brown mark I left on the white couch cushion as a consequence of my GI tract betraying me
E) The plastic sheet they made me sit on the rest of the evening because I could no longer be trusted
F) The horrible, shimmery, aquamarine pantsuit my cousin was wearing that I'd earlier seen worn by an inner-city streetwalker, except that my cousin's pantsuit didn't have dirty knees or a suspicious rusty-brown stain at the crotch
G) The slurry of toothpaste and saliva that came out of my nose when, laughing to myself and brushing my teeth, I tried to think of a way to communicate what happened with both pathos and realism
H) A big, fat cock slathered in Imodium


Anonymous Anonymous said...

What was suspicious about that rusty-brown crotch stain? It seems that such a stain is beyond suspicion and squarely into the realm of known facts.

8:18 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

I'd rather not talk about it, okay?

8:22 AM  
Anonymous Bzzzz Uncle Ned Bzzzzzz said...

bzzzzzzz eh it's okay it bzzzzzz happens to me all bzzzz the time bzzzzzzzzzzz don't be embarrased bzzzz about it.

2:14 PM  

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