4/18/06

One Relentless Mouthable for Every Day of the Year

We're at the 365th post, so I figured I'd put something relatively new and original in my mouth today. After the whining from you sloppy-second loving pus-garglers, I realized that I owe my adoring public something truly delisious (sic). So, guess what new and totally original thing is in my mouth right now:

A) Something warm and so syrupy that you just want to pour it all over your french toast and eat it with seventeen pieses (sic) of delisious (sic) watermellon bubblisious (SIC)
B) CAT SHIT
C) The adorable little 臀部 寒毛 near Scarlett Johansen's 肛門
D) The horrible, shimmery, aquamarine pantsuit my cousin was wearing that I'd earlier seen worn by an inner-city streetwalker, except that my cousin's pantsuit didn't have dirty knees or a suspicious rusty-brown stain at the crotch
E) More of the tomatoe juice, like buttery red menstrual blood, spilled all over a really comfortable sweater repurposed as a gorilla's sheet of soft lavatory paper
F) Your mystery date for the evening... THIS surprised looking turd!
G) The angry glares from flight crew and fellow passengers alike as everyone realized that they were going to have to live with the smell of my unspeakably befouled britches for hours to come
H) A big, fat cock

UPDATE: It's ALL NEW today, so stop your bitching. If I have to have one more conversation about anyone's treatment, it's going to get REAL ugly.

UPDATE UPDATE: Quick, quick! Guess I) Gatorade right now!!!!!

15 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

These are CERTAINLY NOT new. All of these are repeats from previous posts.

Have you run out of original ideas? Have you no shame, sir/ma'am? At long last, have you sense of decency?

8:39 AM  
Anonymous CAT SHIT said...

I'm new.

8:39 AM  
Anonymous The Man from J.I.S.M. said...

I think you should apologize to O.L.A.S.J.H.C. immediately.

8:40 AM  
Anonymous Your Cousin said...

The material from my pantsuit is such that the rusty crotch stain faces inward.

:)

8:41 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

What the HELL are you smiling about? Didn't we JUST talk about that?

8:44 AM  
Anonymous Joseph McCarthy said...

No, I don't have any decency. None.

But, as my butt-buddy and fellow yak tea-bagger Deroy Murdock, "Patron Saint" of GWiMMRN would say, "I'm all GROWN UP."

I suggest that you do the same:

GROW UP.

8:46 AM  
Anonymous Your cousin said...

By the way, despite my smiling face, I really, really, REALLY don't like the way I'm being treated here.

I want you to address it.

Thank you.

:)

8:49 AM  
Blogger wilhelmina said...

nubudy cares about teh way u r treetd heer.

NUBUDY.

8:52 AM  
Anonymous John Wayne said...

Next person who smiles gets a boot up the poop-chute, comprende?

:)

8:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

365 days has passed? Is it October 4, 2006 already?

Hmmmm?

:)

8:56 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

Yes it is. Every day is 10/4/06.

Every SINGLE day.

By the way, I take it that you WANT a boot up the poop-chute.

Sicko.

Sick, sick, sick.

You're sick.

S
I
C
K
.

:)

9:27 AM  
Anonymous D. Mudock said...

"Grow up."

9:46 AM  
Anonymous Deroy Murdock, "Patron Saint" of GWiMMRN said...

"Unlike you, I don't have the time to contradict oh, fucking forget it."

"Tell whoever D. Mudock is to GROW UP."

"And did I tell you to go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut?"

"I hope I didn't forget."

"So, yeah."

"Okay."

"I guess I'm done."

":)"

9:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I I I I I I I!!!!!

1:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that lunatic is right... the bottle is shaped like a penis.

No doubt, dude.

1:07 PM  

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