4/20/06

GWiMMRN, Day SUCK MY DICK

Whoops! Sorry about that little piece of gratuitous hostility there. Just slipped out. And there's no way I'll be able to slip it back in, that's for damn sure. Well, since you're here and all, and while you're SUCKING MY DICK, perhaps you could guess what's in my mouth right now:

A) Kung fu
B) The President's brain
C) The President's heart
D) The adorable, oh so wispy hairs near the President's starfish
E) Paris Hilton's latest sex partner
F) The tiny little stress-farts I kept cutting at the recent staff meeting that were silent but oh so deadly
G) The stress-farts' invisible rubber hands that just kept clinging to me so that the flatulence would follow me around like the cloud of dirt that perpetually-swathed Pig Pen
H) *pffft* *rp* *pssrp* *frp* *peerp*
I) John Wayne, who famously said, "I can tell you for certain that smiling don't do nobody no good, no how, no way. So just stop the smiling. I don't see what the hell is so funny about this anyway."
J) A big, fat cock :)

20 Comments:

Anonymous John Wayne said...

I really DON'T see what's so funny.

:)

6:20 AM  
Anonymous Secret Serviss said...

Mr. President, we have to evacuate your bowels immediately. There's an incoming threat of spicy pad thai and B-B-Q that will totally rip your colon.

We've already evacuated the bowels of the Vice President and his family.

This way, sir.

:)

6:22 AM  
Anonymous Meeting Participant said...

Look, I don't see why I have to do all the work around here it's not like I'm getting paid enough to do YOUR job and hey... what the... *snf* *snf* what...?

OH MY GOODNESS. It smells like rotten roast beef in here! *snf* *snf* Ugh! Who keeps doing that?

WHHHOOOO?

6:24 AM  
Anonymous Pig Pen said...

I have never farted.

NEVER.

6:25 AM  
Anonymous The President said...

Just what the HELL are you smiling about? What is SO GODDAM FUNNY about spicy pad thai and B-B-Q?

I'm not kidding here, son. You'd better give me a good answer, and pronto.

6:40 AM  
Anonymous Meeting Participant (The Secret Farter) said...

I don't smell anything.

;)

6:41 AM  
Anonymous The Lobstrosity Formerly Known as Jordan said...

Dod-a-chock? Spi-cy-Thai? Shit-your-pants?

I'm-so-rry?

6:43 AM  
Anonymous The Lobstrosity Formerly Known as Pig Pen's Mother said...

Yes-you-do? All-the-time? Far-ting-boy?

6:44 AM  
Anonymous Sekret Serviss said...

Sir, Mr. President sir, this is a DIRE situation and it is not funny in the least. We have no time to lose. My job is to lead you to the Oval Bathroom, where we have a triple dose of Ex-Lax and an extra-fluffy roll of Charmin waiting for you.

Sir? We've just had confirmation that the First Ladies' bowels have been evacuated. Isn't that good news?

Right this way, sir.

8:52 AM  
Anonymous Meeting Participant said...

Well, I smell something and it smells like rancid pork in sauerkraut. How can you not smell that?

Anyway, as I was saying.

8:53 AM  
Anonymous Meeting Participant (The Secret Farter) said...

*prp*

*frpr*

*rrip*

*rrp*


heeheeheeheeheehee!

9:03 AM  
Anonymous The President said...

Just wait a daggone minute here. I saw you smiling earlier, and I want to know why.

I'll shit my pants if that's what it takes to get an answer from you, son.

9:04 AM  
Anonymous Seekrid Sirvhis said...

Mr. President, I IMPLORE you. We have no time left. We have to evacuate your bowels immediately. Our country's national sekuridy depends on it.

Right this way, sir.

:-O

9:18 AM  
Anonymous The President said...

I've had it with your lip, son. You're fired, and I'm shitting myself.

*SQUIRRRRRRRRRPPPPP!*

Call the Joint Chiefs.

9:55 AM  
Anonymous Joint Chiefs said...

You did WHAT!?!

10:58 AM  
Anonymous The President said...

You're damn skippy: I shit myself. And I'll do it again if that's what it takes to get answers around here.

Now get me a new pair of britches, a bowl of raisin bran, and a 24 oz. bottle of Metamucil. I'll shit my way to the truth, by God.

:)

11:19 AM  
Anonymous The Lord said...

Leave me out of this, you sick fecal freak.

1:03 PM  
Anonymous Meeting Participant said...

Whomever it is that's farting, WILL YOU PLEASE STOP FARTING.

It's incredibly distracting, as is that disturbing giggle I hear after every silent blast.

Thank you.

:-(

1:05 PM  
Anonymous Joint Chiefs said...

STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT

3:37 PM  
Anonymous Cuttlefish said...

I wear a condom even if I just kiss Paris Hilton, believe you me.

3:38 PM  

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