4/24/06

GWiMMRN, Great Big Monday Edition

I hope you're having a great big day today. I mean, really big. All 24 hours long, because you've earned it. Yes you have. No, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, but that's okay. All this is really just a preamble to make you feel better about guessing what's in my mouth right now:

A) A wedding cake worth getting stabbed to death over
B) The Pearly Gates
C) The Pearly Stream Shooting Out of My Penis
D) The pathos-inspiring words, "i want to go to sleep, but all i can do is cry," followed by a hot gush of briny liquid that isn't tears
E) Stool strain
F) A stool sandwich served in a hand-made hot dog bun and slathered with store-brand mustard
G) Meg Ryan's hairy li'l snatcheroo
H) A big, fat cockeroo

15 Comments:

Anonymous Ash said...

call me.

10:51 AM  
Anonymous Constipated in Connecticut said...

Dear Fecal Buddy,

Slow transit constipation is the most common form.

But how do you turn slow transit into MASS transit?

10:53 AM  
Anonymous Saint Peter said...

You're making a mockery of my front door. STOP IT.

10:55 AM  
Anonymous Ash's Inner Thoughts said...

What a whiny bitch.

10:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's briny and isn't tears?

Is it some form of ejaculate? Is it pee-pee?

10:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello, hello, Ash? You there? Good.

BLOW ME.

*click*

11:25 AM  
Anonymous M. Ryan said...

I would APPRECIATE it if you would not refer to my private parts as, and I quote, a "hairy li'l snatcheroo."

You may call it "Meg Ryan's Ting-Ting," or, if you are feeling particularly whimsical, my private parts may be referred to as, "Meg Ryan's Ever-Cock-Hungry Tuna Taco With Extra SUHHHHH-NATCH Hair."

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Meg Ryan

11:35 AM  
Anonymous M. Ryan said...

Oh, by the way. Ash: call me.

My Ting-Ting awaits.

11:36 AM  
Anonymous The Lord said...

St. Peter: I'm about to splatter My Second Coming all over your Pearly Gates. Prepare yourself: I shall require baby wipes, a washcloth, and a cigarette.

And get Jordan on the phone.

11:38 AM  
Anonymous Meg Ryan's Lil' Hairy Snatcheroo Fan Club said...

WE LOVE YOU, PUBES! DON'T CHANGE A THING!

11:38 AM  
Anonymous M. Ryan said...

Actually, I DO have time to contradict all of these false statements, unlike my greatest friend and most favorite rhinoceros salad-tosser Deroy Murdock, "Patron Saint" of GWiMMRN.

Once again, I protest to this mislabeling of my private parts. Fan Club or no, please call them "Meg Ryan's Ting-Ting" or "Meg Ryan's Ever-Cock-Hungry Tuna Taco With Extra SUHHHHH-NATCH Hair."

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Meg Ryan

12:33 PM  
Anonymous The MRLHSFC said...

YOU CAN'T TELL US WHAT TO CALL YOUR VAGINA, MEG!

12:55 PM  
Anonymous Deroy Murdock, "Patron Saint" of GWiMMRN said...

"GROW UP."

"I'm getting pretty tired of having to tell you all that."

"GROW UP."

"GROW THE FUCK UP, MOTHERFUCKERS."

""

":)..."

1:44 PM  
Anonymous Recently Deceased said...

I...see...a white light...

And...O God, it's...it's the pearly gates!

*SPPPURRRTTTTT!!!*

The...jism...of the Lord...

2:05 PM  
Anonymous guy next in line to the recently deceased said...

Oh GEEZE. Somebody jizzed all over these fluffy white clouds I'm standing on. EWWW. And it's dripping from the pearly gates! YUCK!

I thought that heaven would be a place where, finally, everyone would be GROWN UP. Apparently, this is not the case.

Even in heaven some people need a reminder to GROW UP.

2:40 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home