GWiMMRN, Turtles Eating Salad Edition

Remember when Guess What's in My Mouth Right Now used to have "editions," like some news magazine? Yeah. Well, like my man A. Louima says, "oooooh boy."


A) Turtles, and their weird, un-turtle-like noises while eating green, leafy vegetables.
B) My toilet, who refused to flush a beefy turd I delivered last night.
C) A plunger.
D) A mop.
E) A bucket o' suds.
F) Disgust and anger at a turd who could not possibly control its own destiny.
G) Forgiveness.
H) A big, fat cock.


Anonymous A. Beefy Turd said...

I forgive you, too.

For flushing me.

8:55 AM  
Anonymous A. Louima said...

I must protest this mischaracterization of my words. I have never said "oooooh boy." I only said, "Ohhhhhhh boy" once, and that was when they rammed a plunger up my poop-chute.

Not at any other time.

8:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why do the turtles go *spurt spurt spurrrrrrrrrrt* when they eat?

8:58 AM  
Anonymous A. Beefy Turd said...

By the way, I'd like to add that I DO control my own destiny, and that I have as much free will as any other being.

I just happen to be a piece of shit that tumbled its way out of your ass cheeks, that's all.

8:59 AM  
Anonymous Your Colon said...

Shit delivery! Please sign here on the toilet paper.

9:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh boy! A SHIT delivery! Let me wip out my dick and sign in URINE.

"Grow up."

11:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I just happen to be a piece of shit that tumbled its way out of your ass cheeks, that's all." should be on the front of a T-shirt.

On the back should read, "GROW UP."

11:25 AM  
Anonymous A. Louima said...

I also don't like the fact that you mentioned me AND a plunger in the same post.

I'm a rich man, and I don't have to take this shit.

11:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You didn't have to take a plunger, either, and you did that.

11:58 AM  
Blogger wahhhboohoo said...

HAH HAH HAAAHH!! BOO HOO!! Hoo hoo *snf* *hunf* wuh wuh WAAHHH!! taking a plunger up the ass WAAHAHHH!!! Uh HAH HAh uh WAAAHHH!! BOO HOO OOH HOO!!

12:23 PM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

Cut that fucking crying out now, goddammit. Cut. It. The. Fuck. Out.

If I have to tell you again, you'll have something to cry about.

12:33 PM  
Blogger Tu s. Tin said...

I am getting bored talking about your mouth....lets talk about MINE for a while please! I have gum in my mouth! Watermellon bubblisious to be exact. Other than that is my tounge. ok.... maybe your mouth is more exciting.

4:41 PM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

I have never heard of anything so ridiculous in my entire life. Bored of talking about my mouth? You're BORED?

Look: there's nothing more important in this entire UNIVERSE than my mouth and what may or may not be in it. Not God, not Allah, not "Watermellon bubblisious." NOTHING.

This website isn't called Guess What's in Tu S. Tin's Mouth Right Now. It's called Guess What's in MY Mouth Right Now. I can't believe that anyone would feel otherwise. Are you crazy? Sick?

FOCUS. Focus on my mouth. FO-CUS. You can do it. I know you can. Say it with me: "I CAN. I CAN. I CAN."

Thanks for writing. I hope you've made a guess. FOCUS. MY MOUTH.

4:46 PM  

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