GWiMMRN, Travis Frey Marriage Contract Edition

My man Travis got his ass busted, but it's all good. To honor this unimaginably sick fuck, I've placed one of several things in my mouth that he might be familiar with. Guess which one is in there right now:

A) The 2.0" X 1.0" X 1/3" patch of pubic hair above Mrs. Frey's vaginal SLIT
B) The 75,000 GBD's Mrs. Frey earned by inserting a live chipmunk inside her vaginal SLIT (not expected)
C) An application of lube to a sex toy Mrs. Frey bought for herself as Travis Frey's birthday present to her, later placed in her vaginal SLIT
D) A thong worn by Mrs. Frey during her menstrual cycle to bed so that she doesn't spray blood from her vaginal SLIT
E) Three hours of My-Time where Mrs. Frey doesn't argue, complain, whine, sob, cry, condescend, sulk, raise her voice, ask for anything, or is otherwise distracted from me by other things. During this time, she may be subservient and submissive, do what she's asked when she's asked it, act cheerful and adoring, perform any sexual acts including the ingestion of spooge, but she may NOT try to slap me with the meat curtains the size of cow tongues she has flanking her vaginal SLIT
F) A bunch of turtles eating salad

UPDATE: It is becoming more likely that the answer is H) A chip butty moistened from the acidic secretions of Mrs. Frey's vaginal SLIT

ONE FINAL UPDATE: No, I didn't mean purple turtle penis, you assgobbler.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel sick just reading that thing.

Was she hot, though?

8:34 AM  
Blogger Turtles Eating Salad said...

*eeerk!* *eiugh* *uhieh* *eeerh* shaving *hurh* *eeerhy* *spurt sppprrrrrttt*

8:36 AM  
Anonymous Gooooooooogle. said...

Look, I'm just saying that the spelling looked funny and you probably meant "purple" "turtle" "cock."

8:37 AM  
Anonymous Mrs. Frey said...

I'm not that bad-looking.

Especially when I've shaved the 2.0" X 1.0" X 1/3" patch of pubic hair above my vaginal SLIT.

8:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why do the turtles say "shaving" while they eat?

9:01 AM  
Blogger Turtles Eating Salad said...

*eerh* *heuih* *eehguigh* vaginal slit *hurh* *huheee* *spurrrrt spuurrttt*

11:11 AM  
Blogger My Mouth said...

These turtles are communicating very strangely. We need a herpetologist to figure this out.

11:33 AM  
Anonymous Herpetologist said...

I'm a herpetologist.

I have examined these turtles and have come to the conclusion that they all have herpes.

That'll be $50.

1:48 PM  

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