6/15/06

Rumors of My Retirement Are Greatly Exaggerated

I've heard you whispering, "Is My Mouth going to retire? Is it all over for My Mouth? Why am I such an unFOCUSing dicknozzle?" Well, cut it the fuck out. I'm here to stay. I'm going to be here until the stars burn out. With that in mind, get your worthless, pathetic little ass in gear and GWiMM.

RN!

A) A dying rhinoceros that Deroy Murdock, "Patron Saint" of GWiMMRN, hasn't yet sucked off, and the clock is ticking...
B) Lipstick licked lusciously off Linda Lavin's labia
C) A titbit of a sweetmeat
D) Kim Cattrall's stupid, bad-attitude face that you just want to punch so hard with your cock that her teeth shear through her tongue in a spray of bloody saliva and chunks of enamel
E) The revolting, pulpy, crimson matter being spread on a slice of bread to the obvious delight of a demon-possessed child:


F) A big, fat cockleshell

12 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON FEED THE DEMON

8:39 AM  
Anonymous Dying Rhino said...

*kaff* *kaff*

The doctors, they

*kaff* *uhEEHhhugh*

they told me that if I don't get

*huh!* *keef* *wheeze*

if I don't get sucked off soon I'll

*kaff* *kaff*

die!

Help me!

8:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it's "tiDbit," not tiTbit.

8:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was sittin out in ma yard yesterday, just after supper, watchin the neighbor's canine squattin on their lawn, when an old adage came back to me:

"You don't have to teach a dog how to take a shit."

And that's what I feel about this thing here. Yup. I do.

8:46 AM  
Anonymous A. Dog said...

Actually, I required lessons.

Many of them.

It was sort of embarrassing, really.

Yup.

Ruff.

8:54 AM  
Anonymous Mr. Spelling Bee said...

It can be spelled either way. However, the "titbit" spelling is an English variant, and not often used in the United States.

GROW UP.

8:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really think that the red stuff is a mashed human kidney.

I feel that very strongly.

8:59 AM  
Anonymous A. Nother Dog said...

I don't think we should let one dog sway our opinions of all dog's instinctive shit-making knowledge and wisdom. I was never trained and yet, here I am, squatting over your lawn, taking a shit.

GROW UP.

9:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I forget. Why am I an unFOCUSing dicknozzle? It has to do with something, but I'll be doggone if I can remember it.

9:52 AM  
Anonymous All Grown Up said...

That was me as a little girl in 1951. I remember eating that mashed human kidney in congealed blood sauce spread like jelly over my favorite enriched bread.

I'm in prison now, doing a life term for killing people.

Many people.

I'm all grown up now, but I can still taste that paste.

MMMM. MMMMM.

GOOD.

9:58 AM  
Anonymous Deroy Murdock, "Patron Saint of GWiMMRN" said...

"That's it."

"I've ignored these false statements long enough."

"It's time for me to set the record straight."

"And respond appropriately."

"If there is such a thing here as propriety."

"Anyway, I do not perform fellatio on any mammals, dying or otherwise."

"So your assertion that I can 'suck off a dying rhinoceros in under thirty seconds' is undeniably false, and extremely scurrilous."

"I have a message for you, and for the individuals claiming to be rhinoceri in a state of slow expiration."

"This message is simple, to the point, and chock-full of the kind of pathos that is sorely lacking in this disgusting website."

"It is this:"

"GROW UP."

"One would think that after my months-long efforts to make you grow up, that you would have grown up at least a little bit."

"I now see that this is not the case."

"In closing, I would like to read for you one of my favorite passages from the King James Bible."

"'Gobble my ass cheeks until your tongue turns brown.'"

"'Just gobble away.'"

"Okay, that's all I have to say, really."

"Thanks for reading."

"Sincerely,"

"DM"

"P.S."

"GROW UP."

10:48 AM  
Anonymous The Dog from Earlier in the Thread said...

Ahem.

I don't feel that my case is particularly unusual. There are plenty of dogs out there, living lives of quiet desperation, who still have no idea how to take a shit.

So I resent the implication that I'm immature. I simply have legitimate problems that I'm trying to overcome, here.

Ruff ruff.

10:52 AM  

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