Guess What's in My Mouth Right Now, Terrible Tuesday

Guess What? I have something in my mouth right now! What is it? Can you guess what?

A) Feces a la Mode with Golden Shower Sauce.
B) Novocaine.
C) One thin strip of aluminum foil.
D) A copy of "I'm OK, You're OK," signed by Thomas Harris.
E) A copy of "Red Dragon," signed by Thomas Harris.
F) The passenger side airbag of Linsay Lohan's car.
G) A big, fat cock.